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[50Mickey]

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@Isobel Archer wrote:

I've never understood why people feel the need to tell - or imply - to someone that her color choices - in home decor, or dress -  are either not what the critic would choose or off for some other reason.

I have bold colors in some rooms in my home.  Some love it (My husband and I are two - and I've gotten great complements) and some don't - and have felt the need to tell me that neutrals are always better choices.  

The OP's tone - "if you like that color" and "should we lie" clearly indicates that she disapproves of the color - whatever it is - light purple, lilac or even gray.  So it is no wonder that her friend was "offended."

I'd suggest that if the color is so offputting as to spoil appetites, that those who feel that way decline the brunch.  Otherwise I'd find a way to graciously complement the new paint.

@Isobel Archer  You are reading something here that was not said in the post. The homeowner was not asking if they liked the color and the op did not say anyone said that they felt the color was offputting.  She said the homeowner kept asking people what color they thought the paint was. How were they to know that she wanted them to say gray? They answered what they thought the color looked like.   Seems like a gotcha question. 

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[scatcat]

The homeowner is trying to talk herself and everyone else into believing her lilac cabinets are gray. It was a costly mistake on her part 

[ECBG]

A color can look different from a paint chip to being all over a wall.  It will seem one shade darker when presented in a large amount. That's likely part of what's going on with her perception of color.

Many people can't "see" underlying colors and have problems in decorating.  

I wouldn't interfere with other friend's perceptions of the color, rather, just complement her on her hard work.

[Sooner]

To say it looks lovely and that is anything other than what she intended is nothing short of being mean to the woman.

What is the point in shaming someone?  If she says she hates it then sympathize with her, but say it isn't really that bad, etc.  Other than that, why make her feel worse?

It you simpy consider that a lie and you don't lie, just have a cold or a headache and stay home. 

[RedTop]

Sounds like your friend didn’t realize the risk she was taking with the color gray in that space.   The vision is still in her head, and she is defending her color choice but looking for the person who will say they see what she sees.   I would not lie.

[Abrowneyegirl]

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@Isobel Archer  We all have been in a situation where we make a costly mistake, then try to convince ourselves that the result is what we wanted. She wanted a grey kitchen, and she didn’t get one. She wouldn’t keep asking everyone what color it is, if she was secure with the result. She is not a child. She is a grown woman who should be able to handle the truth about a paint color. I’m sure she will eventually repaint.

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This is an interesting perspective and may be where the problem is stemming from.

When people walk-in and see the the kitchen they are NOT saying, 'Augh a awful color' they are like,  "Wow what an interesting shade of purple."  One woman noted her daughter was using that shade of purple in her Wedding and she loves it.

They treat is a "statement color" not realizing it is a trigger.

This is what starts our friend in a fowl mood and the "It's gray!" defense- Then people quickly regret saying anything.

I personally like color, but I will admit gray is a very difficult color.  My MIL has a lilac room that on the swatch is dove gray.  My mother has a blue room that is also gray on the swatch.

Even a true gray can look like the color of gray cinder-block. 

I just want a pleasant afternoon tomorrow.

[MaryLamb]

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@Abrowneyegirl wrote:

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@Isobel Archer  We all have been in a situation where we make a costly mistake, then try to convince ourselves that the result is what we wanted. She wanted a grey kitchen, and she didn’t get one. She wouldn’t keep asking everyone what color it is, if she was secure with the result. She is not a child. She is a grown woman who should be able to handle the truth about a paint color. I’m sure she will eventually repaint.

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This is an interesting perspective and may be where the problem is stemming from.

When people walk-in and see the the kitchen they are NOT saying, 'Augh a awful color' they are like,  "Wow what an interesting shade of purple."  One woman noted her daughter was using that shade of purple in her Wedding and she loves it.

They treat is a "statement color" not realizing it is a trigger.

This is what starts our friend in a fowl mood and the "It's gray!" defense- Then people quickly regret saying anything.

I personally like color, but I will admit gray is a very difficult color.  My MIL has a lilac room that on the swatch is dove gray.  My mother has a blue room that is also gray on the swatch.

Even a true gray can look like the color of gray cinder-block. 

I just want a pleasant afternoon tomorrow.

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@Abrowneyegirl  I understand that you just want to have a pleasant afternoon. However, there is a difference between telling a white lie to keep the peace and going around telling your friends to lie. One is acceptable, the other is an act of deception and manipulation. I would keep my head down, and let the chips fall where they may.

[Abrowneyegirl]

@50Mickey 

You hit the nail on the head!

It is a Gotta Question.

It is the "does this dress make me look fat?" of the decorating world!

[GCR18]

Why fight it, say thank you and move on.  Your friend should have the room repainted to the gray she wants.  Gray is a very hard color to get "right".

A co-worker painted her kitchen gray.  It didn't look gray to her, so she repainted.  Years ago when my sister and he husband bought their house, they picked gray for the kitchen.  Kitchen was gutted.  Sister picked the "perfect" gray tile.  It had different shades of gray.  The floor was put in and it looked slate blue.  They decided to keep it due to the cost and time to fix.

[50Mickey]

@Abrowneyegirl   I still say unless they are warned in advance to answer grey when she asks what color do you think this is how are they supposed to know to say grey if it appears ilac or purple to them?  Now if she says I painted my kitchen grey how do you like it then I would say it's lovely. I have not read anything in your posts to indicate that people were arguing with her or insulting her or even telling her tht it wasn't grey. Don't ask me what color I see if you want me to see what you see. I don't know what you see.  I have to agree that she is doubting her color choice and is looking for people to agree with her that it is grey. The paint chip will tell her what colors were added to the base to tint it. If she likes the color  what does it matter to her what others see?