@Mominohio wrote:
@Sooner wrote:
@homedecor1 wrote:
@Kachina624
I don't know how to copy but your statement about your nieces made me chuckle. My niece is the same - I called her (shall I say my son text her with a message he would be doing TG but if she preferred to do it at their new home he would understand)
So I casually ask her if she got the text -- her answer: I'm not doing any TG that's a full- day of cooking & a sit down style dinner! I (we) have no desire to start doing that - we like casual, easy entertaining, i.e., paper plates!!! She was too funny: I said I will help you -- she said "thanks but no thanks I don't want to be stuck the next 20 years I'll keep Easter brunch, Christmas Eve & calling the caterer!!!! (Guess the Holly Lenox will remain in the boxes!! Lol)
I just chuckled because she said I loved the many wonderful holidays and sit down dinners at your house -- those are my memories & I will cherish them forever!!!
Oh these kids smarter than us at times!
I'd simply say lazy rather than smart. You were good for the wonderful memories, but she won't take her turn? Sad statement I think. . . Sorry, but I find it disappointing that today's kids aren't eager to give back to the next generations of the things they loved.
@Sooner
@homedecor1
@Kachina624
No disrespect to your niece @homedecor1, and I'm not sure I'd use the term 'lazy' (although for many, that is exactly the right term), but there is this thing called obligation.
It is often seen as a 'dirty' word. That we are now modern, honest and unencumbered, and we really owe no one anything we don't really want to do.
But obligation doesn't have to be a bad word, or one of sacrifice and toil. There is honor in fulfilling obligations, and pride to be taken in doing so.
Every generation indeed does have some obligation to the generations that came before and those that will come after. One of those obligations is to carry traditions (make new ones too!) and history and education.
By the 'next' generation continuing even just some of the traditions from the past (like big holiday dinners) they are not only showing honor to those before, they are creating memories for themselves, and may have no idea how treasured they will someday be. They will also be creating/carrying memories and a foundation of tradition for others in future generations.
Our mothers and grandmothers were working and busy and most had much less to work with than we do or our younger generation does, yet they put in the time and work to make great traditions, be they big holiday meals, nice Christmas experiences, contributions to the family reunions etc. Many of us enjoyed and grew to appreciate those things, and all the work that went with them. We then took our turns (or still do), and realized the rewards were/are much more than the work involved.
But like we have done with so many other things, we give a pass to our adult children with the excuses that they are simply 'different' in the things that they think, believe, want etc. And of course we can't make people do or feel or believe what they don't or don't want to. And no body wants a big fancy holiday meal with a host/hostess that doesn't want to be there or be doing it.
But the answer is to somehow make these otherwise intelligent, sensitive and wonderful people want to and enjoy giving back some of what they received in life. How to make them understand what an opportunity they have to carry on tradition, make happy and proud those that came before them and still treasure those things.
There are some things you can always do later. Then there are some things, that once time has passed, can never be gone back to or recreated. If too much time passes, and those older loved ones are gone, we can't bring them back. If we let our little children grow up without the connections and traditions, they will know nothing else, and perhaps not wish to learn them or have nowhere to learn them when we are gone.
So it really isn't about lazy, or them being smarter. It is about we have somehow not taught selflessness. Something about doing for and giving to others, in ways that they ask us for (even indirectly like offering to help with a big holiday dinner, says one wants the experience and is willing to help get it) or in ways that they never express, but we know would make them happy.
Selflessness sometimes requires hard work, sacrifice, and doing something that in the beginning we would rather not, but from which we should reap great rewards when done with a cheerful heart. There are just certain perspectives we don't do a very good job of instilling in our children and the times to do so really don't end when they grow up. Even the adult children in our family sometimes need to be reminded of things like selflessness, and it isn't always about giving to strangers, but giving of oneself to those closest to you, in ways that at first, might not be something we want to do, but what we know they may need or want.
@Mominohio
As I've made some major life changes this past 7 years I can tell you "I've learned to accept life changes and more than likely, expectations in life are far different than I would ever imagined"
Case in point, I now savor any family time I have living so far not only from my immediate family, granddaughter but wonderful friends & extended family.
As for my kids & niece - I admire when they know I'm coming home they coordinate a family get-together, whether it's reservations or at someone's home. It is a wonderful feeling & vice-versa I make it special when they come here.
My son loves to entertain, cook, etc. yet his wife does not. She hates everything about company - yet my son does it to create memories for their daughter. My other son & his fiancé have demanding jobs & work long hours. I know he has never enjoyed big gatherings, they are wonderful to us, yet they are content to not entertain - I'm ok with this.
I would point out in my case we kids were very close but once our parents passed it seemed like I took over the role of everything at my home. My husband never cared for big gatherings but I didn't care - that is what I grew up with.
Fast forward to now I did the same for others when I moved here. Sometimes I had 25-30 for a holiday or special occasion - 3/4 of those people are no longer here (death or moved) and I am no longer interested in being the one who always does the hosting.
I love everything about "decorating, baking, cooking, entertaining" but now I choose to be home where my "heart" is & I will happily enjoy helping out with whatever my family decides!!!
Silver, china, beautiful tablescapes are not important if the one preparing it is "expected or feeling obligated" to meet my/our expectations! Took me a long time to understand not everyone enjoys doing it!
I agree with your point: the one regarding knowing ones extended families, traditions, etc. I go round & round about this with my son this is very important considering my GD has no idea about family except when I'm home or a holiday gathering. That I know is lacking!!!
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