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[151949]

The stuff creeping back in and filling the spaces is always an issue after purging. I find it's best for me to do a purge every year.After the first one - the rest are much much lighter work.

[faeriemoon]

@Mominohio

What I would really like her to do is sell her house and move into a condo-- some type of development that may have the option for assisted living when needed.  But she wants nothing to do with that; she wants to stay in her house.  What they (these older people) don't understand, is that staying there involves a whole lot of other people to keep things running.  House maintenance is no joke. Even as her other friends sell their homes and move into easier living, my mother stands firm.  I feel like if I can maybe get her to purge we will be taking a step in the right direction (whereto, I don't know.)

[Lilysmom]

@Mominohio, it was so good of you to do this with and for your mom.  I am sure she is thrilled.  Bless you!  LM

[Mominohio]

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@151949wrote:

The stuff creeping back in and filling the spaces is always an issue after purging. I find it's best for me to do a purge every year.After the first one - the rest are much much lighter work.

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I agree, it is something that unless one absolutely never buys anything unless it is consumable (food, beauty products etc.), must be done regularly or things pile up again.

[Mominohio]

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@faeriemoonwrote:

@Mominohio

What I would really like her to do is sell her house and move into a condo-- some type of development that may have the option for assisted living when needed.  But she wants nothing to do with that; she wants to stay in her house.  What they (these older people) don't understand, is that staying there involves a whole lot of other people to keep things running.  House maintenance is no joke. Even as her other friends sell their homes and move into easier living, my mother stands firm.  I feel like if I can maybe get her to purge we will be taking a step in the right direction (whereto, I don't know.)

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I have taken my mom to look at places that have apartments/condo type living independently for now, but are in large complexes where assisted living apartments are next then rest homes if needed. She freezes up like a toddler about to throw a tantrum. She isn't ready for it physically or mentally yet, and they are super expensive relative to her income, it would take all she has to go. I'm not pushing her that way, but want her to be aware of all that is available for if and when a time comes that changes have to be made, or she wants to make them. 

But I think she somehow has it in her head that if she looks, and considers, and plans, we are going to pack her off next week. I think it is about maintaining her independence right now and I do get that. 

But I don't think she is recognizing how much work she is expecting out of me more and more every year. I don't mind doing it, but physically I sometimes can't get both hers and mine done. She is going to have to understand at some point that I won't be able to continue to do a lot of the hard physical things for two complete households. My brother is zero help and she and my husband have a contentious relationship, so I involve him as little as possible to keep the peace. 

[homedecor1]

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@Mominohiowrote:

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@faeriemoonwrote:

@Mominohio

What I would really like her to do is sell her house and move into a condo-- some type of development that may have the option for assisted living when needed.  But she wants nothing to do with that; she wants to stay in her house.  What they (these older people) don't understand, is that staying there involves a whole lot of other people to keep things running.  House maintenance is no joke. Even as her other friends sell their homes and move into easier living, my mother stands firm.  I feel like if I can maybe get her to purge we will be taking a step in the right direction (whereto, I don't know.)

---

I have taken my mom to look at places that have apartments/condo type living independently for now, but are in large complexes where assisted living apartments are next then rest homes if needed. She freezes up like a toddler about to throw a tantrum. She isn't ready for it physically or mentally yet, and they are super expensive relative to her income, it would take all she has to go. I'm not pushing her that way, but want her to be aware of all that is available for if and when a time comes that changes have to be made, or she wants to make them. 

But I think she somehow has it in her head that if she looks, and considers, and plans, we are going to pack her off next week. I think it is about maintaining her independence right now and I do get that. 

But I don't think she is recognizing how much work she is expecting out of me more and more every year. I don't mind doing it, but physically I sometimes can't get both hers and mine done. She is going to have to understand at some point that I won't be able to continue to do a lot of the hard physical things for two complete households. My brother is zero help and she and my husband have a contentious relationship, so I involve him as little as possible to keep the peace. 

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It's a sad reality for caregivers with parent(s) -- I've been taking a dear friend to visit these "independent step down" buy-in facilities.  Yes, they are beautiful, etc. but the buy-in is between $180-200,000 because they take care of you the rest of your life (medically and transitional housing).

His daughters are up North and think it's a good idea for him to go soon YET they are NOT here helping him clean out his house a accumulation of 60 years of marriage😱.   When the wife died suddenly they did come to get jewelry, etc. BUT his house is jam full of stuff & he loves it ALL!!!!

[Mominohio]

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@homedecor1wrote:

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@Mominohiowrote:

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@faeriemoonwrote:

@Mominohio

What I would really like her to do is sell her house and move into a condo-- some type of development that may have the option for assisted living when needed.  But she wants nothing to do with that; she wants to stay in her house.  What they (these older people) don't understand, is that staying there involves a whole lot of other people to keep things running.  House maintenance is no joke. Even as her other friends sell their homes and move into easier living, my mother stands firm.  I feel like if I can maybe get her to purge we will be taking a step in the right direction (whereto, I don't know.)

---

I have taken my mom to look at places that have apartments/condo type living independently for now, but are in large complexes where assisted living apartments are next then rest homes if needed. She freezes up like a toddler about to throw a tantrum. She isn't ready for it physically or mentally yet, and they are super expensive relative to her income, it would take all she has to go. I'm not pushing her that way, but want her to be aware of all that is available for if and when a time comes that changes have to be made, or she wants to make them. 

But I think she somehow has it in her head that if she looks, and considers, and plans, we are going to pack her off next week. I think it is about maintaining her independence right now and I do get that. 

But I don't think she is recognizing how much work she is expecting out of me more and more every year. I don't mind doing it, but physically I sometimes can't get both hers and mine done. She is going to have to understand at some point that I won't be able to continue to do a lot of the hard physical things for two complete households. My brother is zero help and she and my husband have a contentious relationship, so I involve him as little as possible to keep the peace. 

---

It's a sad reality for caregivers with parent(s) -- I've been taking a dear friend to visit these "independent step down" buy-in facilities.  Yes, they are beautiful, etc. but the buy-in is between $180-200,000 because they take care of you the rest of your life (medically and transitional housing).

His daughters are up North and think it's a good idea for him to go soon YET they are NOT here helping him clean out his house a accumulation of 60 years of marriage😱.   When the wife died suddenly they did come to get jewelry, etc. BUT his house is jam full of stuff & he loves it ALL!!!!

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I don't remember getting old being so difficult (all these options to look at or consider or afford) or so expensive when I was younger.

I had great grand parents, grand parents, and great aunts and uncles that all lived into their 80's and 90's. My great grandmother was in a rest home for a few months before she died, as her kids (and my dad in place of his parents) took turns having her in their home for three or four months each prior to that.

And my grandfather was in a rest home in Florida after my grandma died for like a year or so, but mostly because he was so hateful and wouldn't stop drinking, or he'd have been taken care of by family too.

It now seems that if you don't have hundreds of thousands of dollars in reserve (or more) you don't have many choices for old age living. I find it all very frightening on many levels. 

[ID2]

I was in charge of cleaning out my parents condo after my dad died. It was a HUGE undertaking! Thank goodness my parents weren't hoarders! But I still had to go through every single thing. It took me weeks. Most of it we sold at our annual garage sale. The money I made was split between me and my brother. I kept just the things my mom wanted me to have. (3 things) I'm not sentimental when it comes to inanimate objects so selling their furniture and such wasn't a problem. I was under a deadline for me to clean out their place. We put it up for sale and it sold in 6 days. Whew. 

[muffininmilton]

I think decades ago families were closer.  Not so many women worked outside of the home.  People had more children and the younger children in families did not have so many planned activities that parents needed to ferry them to and from.  My grandmother lived with us until she died when I was 17.  She had a younger sister that would come and stay when Mom, Dad, and I would take a family vacation.  My mother worked, but as a middle school guidance counselor who did not have work to bring home.  All I had was school and going outside to play.  No soccer, or ballet, or camps to get me to and from. My grandmother went from the hospital to a nursing home when she was 94 and I'm pretty sure in the early 80's her insurance paid for it.  There were no worries about losing the house back then.

[PamfromCT]

@Mominohio, I give you so much credit for all the love you have shown your dear mother.  All the time and energy you have put into making her home so lovely is astounding.  You are definitely a high energy person!

That said, there are no easy options for seniors nowadays.  As seniors, we are still living in our large family home. We have finished remodeling our kitchen and are in the process of remodeling our bathrooms.  Certainly needed, and we shopped around to get good pricing.  We are forced to do this because where we live no one wants to buy a house that needs updating.  So we will enjoy for now.  But assuming we live much longer, where will we go?  No easy answers.  My DH would feel like a caged animal in an apartment.  Senior living communities in our area are so very expensive.  I am grateful we can afford to hire some seasonal help with the house, have our driveway plowed in winter, etc.  Our children live such busy lives I would never want to accept their help in maintenance.