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[geezerette]

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@Regal Bee wrote:

When my mother in law died some years ago, it took four adults (I was one) two solid weeks to clean out her home, garage and basement. I have truly NEVER seen anything like that in my lifetime.

She never threw anything away and that was how my husband was raised. I, on the other hand, was raised that if I didn't use it....out it went.

Makes one think.

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@Regal Bee

Your story about your mother-in-law reminds me of my sister’s.  Her husband’s mother had literally saved just about everything in her life in her basement.  Newspapers that were fifty years old—not just of important dates, but piles of every day papers.  Canned goods floor to ceiling that were so old the cans had burst.  Anything and everything.  It was a mess.  

The poor woman had been left a widow at an early age with two young sons to support.  So finances were always tight for her.  She was the sweetest person on earth, but that was a job my sister had nightmares about.

[homedecor1]

@mac116

There is a estatesale or 2 here almost every month.

  The reason I know so much about it is because my spouses' friend died unexpectedly (widowers).  The children came for 3-4 days picked thru what they wanted & left the rest to the Estate company to purge, price, sell for a 50/50 split.

The son asked my spouse to "oversee" the sale of his fathers house and check on the house because they were from Ohio and weren't coming back.  

This one gentlemen had beautiful Thomasville, Stiffel lamps, and mostly higher end furniture and decor.  

I was shocked the amount of stuff in that house🙄😮.  At the estate sale lots of small stuff sold & some smaller pieces of furniture.  They held it 2 days.  I was going to buy the buffet server but Estate vendor would not negotiate lower.

What really surprised me-- was 1) how little $$$ the family got & 2) what didn't sell the Estate vendor gets a company to come & they gave them a very small amount of $$$ to haul it away so they could get house ready for sale!

After going through this (for not even a relative) and seeing the anxiety of it -- I'd hire a estate company too!!!  

Although, I've pretty much purged everything now so not much should change.  The boys came down for a visit & honestly, they let me know they don't want anything  (they both have homes furnished)unless they plan to rent out the villa.  They were more concerned my finances & paperwork were in order. Guess they're planning I'm going somewhere "soon"..., one never knows!

[Sooner]

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@NycVixen wrote:

I had this discussion with my mother years ago. She was uncomfortable then got angry and said I'm not doing anything; you will need to deal with this when I'm gone. To her it's my problem not hers. She didn't have to deal with this with any of her parents. So this is in my future. She has hoarded mostly shoes and clothing in what used to be my bedroom. I guess most of it will go to Goodwill.

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@NycVixen  I am so sorry for you!  I hope you can get an estate sale company or pay to have it done, because doing it yourself is horrible and takes a chunk of your life.  

[Sooner]

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@novamc1 wrote:

Yep, I understand.

My dad collected valuable guns (fortunately handled by my BIL, some of which were donated to a gun museum), not to mention lots of silver and gold, which had to be divided up between siblings.  My  DH collects silver and gold and  wouldn't let me sell off any of that stuff, no matter how much I wanted to.  Sis and her DH store lots of that stuff, too.

Why do we want to  insure, store and leave behind to heirs these valuable items that they will have to pay to insure or sell off themselves?  I can't buy into that.  The kids would probably rather have the cash from a sale.

So my kids are going to face getting rid of DH's collection, made worse by their grandpa's collection.  It begins to seem comical after a while.  

These aren't items you  just leave in the hands of an estate sale company, and you feel like you have a moral and financial obligation to keep them for future generations, whether they want them or not.

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I no longer feel like I have ANY obligation to be a museum.  Stuff like that usually isn't worth what we think it is, and getting rid of it is better than fretting and "getting what it is worth."  At least that is the place in life to which I've come. . .Things that used to be very valuable even 10 years ago so often now aren't.

[Catiele]

My brother inherited a house from a man who was in his early nineties. It was a duplex. He lived on one side his son on the other. We went over and I couldn’t believe what I saw. They saved everything. If a fan broke they put it in the cellar. The place was a mess. Cleaning it out was unbelievable. It has taken its toll on my brother. It is sold finally. The one positive is that his son collected baseball cards. Many old ones. I now research them.

[Nightowlz]

Just did that at dads house in Feb. He had already done a lot but there was so much paperwork to go thru to see what we needed to keep for now & what we could shred. Thought I would burn up that shredder.

His step daughter thought it was tacky we were doing that when we arrived before the funeral but we all live in other states & most had jobs to get back to. I don't know when she thought we would do it? Now she wants all the stuff she says she gave him as gifts through the year. We already know she has taken many things out of the house before we got to town. Not to mention her mother giving her our mothers stuff instead of giving it to us.

I have already done that some what to make my life easier when it comes to house cleaning.

I have been going thru closets, drawers etc but it takes a lot of time.

DH has to clean out the attic. He has to many tools etc he won't want to part with I'm sure.

I don't want someone else to deal with it when we are gone either. I want to move so doing this now will help when that time comes.

[jeanlake]

A great memory / gift from my dad: It took 4 hours to pack up and clear out his apartment after he died - this includes a quick clean. After he turned 75 he downsized from home to 1 bedroom apartment then lead a minimal lifestyle. He didn't want us 'kids' to have a mess to deal with after he passed so he kept things light. I'm early 60s, but will try to follow his example for my family. Another reason I like to stay organized.   

[SunValley]

After having to clear and sell my mother’s house, I have become ruthless at clearing out my closets! Collections can get out of control and most are only meaningful for the collector, rarely worth significant money. Then they get passed on and people keep things because they just don’t know what else to do. It’s like a millstone around one’s neck.

[Mominohio]

This topic comes up here regularly, and I will say, as I have before, that I'm not going to, in my mid 50's, scale back things I enjoy and use, to a bare minimum, just on the chance I might die before I'm old. 

I keep my papers in order and cleaned out. I don't keep anything broken or junky. When I'm done with something (say scrap booking or collecting/reading books on a particular subject), the 'stuff' goes out of the house. I've taken pictures of family heirlooms, and on the back written their history, and made a small photo album of them, so when I'm gone, my son won't have to guess what might be historical or not. He can choose to keep or get rid of anything he wishes.

There are auction services and estate sale services that will do all the work for people, so no one has to spend weeks or months cleaning out a relatives home if they really don't want to.

I want to continue to purge or keep what makes me happy and what I enjoy and feel is manageable and comfortable to me. I don't plan on making those left behind miserable by junking up on purpose (yep, some people do that). But if I had something like the photo albums the article mentioned, that brought me joy to review regularly of my travels and people in my life, I'm not going to feel guilt if my kid has to throw one or two on the burn pile when I'm gone.

With all the services out there, people don't have to be so inconvenienced in dealing with these kinds of things, if they don't want to or if it is too much for them to handle. Paring down as one ages, or at least keeping one's things in order and organized is a kind and helpful thing to do.

But paring down to almost nothing and denying oneself the things that bring them joy isn't anything I expect or want my mom to do, even at 82.  I want her to enjoy the things she has worked a lifetime to have, and I want to do the same. I want her to let go of things that she no longer finds value in, or things that become burdensome to her, and I do the same. There has to be some kind of balance here, but unloading most of what one owns, just to lighten the load  on one's family after passing, isn't really what will make for a full later life for many people. Can't take the stuff with you, but what one does love should be enjoyed as long as it brings joy.

[Sooner]

I just don't want to look at or dust or rearrange stuff in my life now.  I am retired and don't want to keep a lot of the stuff I'd saved.  I'm keeping several sets of china--"good" and everyday, and several nice glasswear sets and lots of napking and placemats and a few table cloths, but I have a linen closet just for those things.  

A few years before retirement we bought a much bigger house and got rid of a lot of stuff, so we do have space now.  It is SO much easier to clean and keep neat!  I am so glad we did that before the fact!