Community Chat

[esmerelda]

@brii...a relative, although she says she hasn't seen him for awhile and has never met the bride-to-be.  Invited by his mother, who she is closer to.

[Sooner]

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@lulu2 wrote:

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@brii wrote:

It doesn't matter how much people spend on their wedding.  That's their business.

My gift is the same.

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@brii

I could not agree more.  Why do posters obsess about other people's weddings? 

1.  If you think an invitation is nothing more than a gift grab, send your regrets and nothing more.

2.  If you think the bride and groom are spending too much for THEIR wedding, be happy you are not footing the bill.

3.  If you do not approve of destination weddings, refer to #1.

4.  If you do not like the bride's strapless wedding gown, you can either keep your mouth shut and complain about it here or tell her when you go through the reception line. (you can also tell her the wedding isn't all about her)

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If the bride and groom can do what they want, we can say what we think.  That's the rule.  

And no, I would NEVER spend my vacation time and money to go to a destination wedding unless I was VERY close to one of the couple. 

[SahmIam]

To the OP:

I was raised with this:

1) If you were planning on attending but can't due to whatever, send a gift off the registry or the cash equivalent.

2) If you don't know the people/never planned on attending and will not attend, send regrets and nothing else.

3) Above all, ONLY purchase/give WHAT YOU CAN AFFORD.

That's how it is my circle and my sons are being brought up to do the same.

[ClickChick]

I'm just amazed at the lack of thank-you's I receive.  The last two weddings, I've not received one.  Well, the last one was in October and I guess "technically", the couple have six months to send them out according to what I've read on etiquette.  Ridiculous though.....it seriously makes me not want to attend weddings or give gifts at all!

[Peaches McPhee]

I never have understood the "rule" about giving a gift that at least covers the cost of your meal at the reception.  How in the world am I supposed to know what the cost of the meal is?  

[chickenbutt]

The whole 'rules about gifting' stuff always rather skeeved me out.

But, anyway, my opinion would be that it would be the same as what you would have given if you were attending.  Like others here, I agree that it depends on your relationship with the bride and/or groom and what you would give based on your relationship with them.

If you aren't going because you don't want to be there, that would probably tell something completely different from what you would want to give if you wanted to be there but couldn't, or something else that doesn't relate to them in particular.

That's JMHO, FWIW.  

[Suziepeach]

If we were to receive an invite from someone we hardly knew, I'd politely RSVP not attending & send a nice congratulations card.

Close family or friends are different, like our neighbor's son is getting married in May.  We gave him $100.00 when he graduated high school... for their wedding gift they'll get $200.00 whether it be from a registry or cash.

We're very close to the bride and groom. 

[Burnsite]

My sense is that a gift is ... well... a gift, freely given. 

So I agree with those posters who've said that she should give what she wishes whether she goes or stays home. 

[Chrystaltree2]

There are no rules, you give whatever you can afford and are comfortable with.