telling 90yr old not too drive

sissel · ‎08-13-2010

Here we go he had 2 accidents in the last yr. So SIL lives nears him.we are done with all this & he has as girlfriend 40 mils away . He is so stubborn about driving but with ins. co &his ****** he has no money to continue We have to say Dad it' over & done. Oh he will scream. Let me tell you he 90yrs old in 3 months 91yrs. This is not going well when we tell him. He thinks he is 25yrs with a g/f . DH told him 2yrs ago too old to drive & he went insane.He just went threw a car accident but not his fault as usual. That ins. is adding up.

Plaid Pants2 · ‎03-14-2015

My dad is also 90, and last year had his license revoked by the DMV.

His doctor notified the DMV, who retested him, and his doctor also had him do a bunch of cognitive tests also.

Maybe you can talk to your dad's doctor, and then they can notify the DMV, so then that way you are not the "bad guy".

Have you asked your dad how he would feel if he accidentally killed someone?

Like your dad, mine is stubborn too, but even he had to admit that he wouldn't feel safe if he were driving and I was a passenger.

That was his wake up call, and he knew and agreed that it wasn't safe for him to drive any more.

Good luck.

daisy4 · ‎03-16-2010

This is a difficult situation without a doubt, but think how much worse it would be if he caused an accident that hurt someone badly. Be strong and don't give in to his tantrums.

sissel · ‎08-13-2010

Found Sat another guy came our of nowhere not his fault but ******. too mutch with his lies. he just lives off soc sec my DH& his sister give checks monthy checks but he lives a fun lifestyle yep his kids will pick up the tab well wait til we tell him no more cars or driving.

nagrom · ‎07-03-2010

My dad had macular degeneration leaving him legally blind. His doctor notified DMV that he continued to drive. One day there was a knock on his door. When he opened the door a policeman was there with a legal order to repossess his drivers license. He did not cause accidents but was happy that our problem was solved by the doctor.

In another instance my husband's uncle was a poor driver with multiple accidents and tickets for not looking before venturing out from parking lots, changing lanes and just plain not wanting to listen to anyone's advice. After the fifth and final accident he no longer drives anywhere. He pulled out of a parking lot into a 45mph street without looking. A seventeen year old boy who just got his licence hit him killing him instantly. Now that poor boy has to live with the guilt even though it wasn't his fault. The uncle never would learn. This is a sad example and maybe too graphic but true.

Rockycoast · ‎03-02-2016

It will be hard on your dad, but it must be done. He will get over it. Just take his keys so he can't have access to the car. He is a hazard not only to himself, but more importantly to others on the road. If he continues to drive and he gets into another accident where someone is seriously hurt or even killed, it would be partially your fault as well for allowing your dad to get behind the wheel.

Skyegirl21 · ‎03-20-2010

It's good to do this if you think he's a risk to others. A friend of mines' elderly Mother did have an accident and kill another young driver, so it can happen. Then they faced multiple lawsuits too.

Soooo hard. No one wants to give up their independence. Next time he goes to the doctor, call ahead and have them do it. A third party professional is the best option.

ceekay · ‎03-12-2010

We went through this with my FIL. As @plaid pants2 suggested - contact the DMV (or whatever the driving agency is in your state). We had to write a letter and they sent a letter to him asking that he come in to be tested. He knew he could not pass and that was that. If you can go through his doctor that would take you off the hook. We felt bad ratting him out but did not want him to kill anyone (including himself). It was a painful 3 weeks or so, but then things smoothed out. Good luck!

Vivian · ‎03-11-2010

I went through this serious problem a couple of years ago with my now-95-year-old mother. She would not listen to reason although she could hardly get in and out of the car without assistance, she could not turn around to back up, and her arthritis seriously impeded her ability to react quickly in traffic. I live almost five hours away and her driving kept me up at night. Relatives gave me all sorts of advice, solicited and otherwise. Nothing worked.

Finally, after accompanying my mother to her cardiologist's appointment, I blurted out, "Please, Dr. ---, tell my mother why she should no longer drive." The doctor, a young woman my mother really likes and respects, very kindly and patiently explained why Mom's health put her life and the life of others in jeopardy if she continued driving. It worked. My mother stopped driving. She now has an aide, another long story for another time, who takes her shopping every week and makes sure my mother is well cared for.