how would you handle this - Page 6

jeanlake · ‎03-10-2010

@crazered Do we have the same big sis? Ha. I'm also in my 60s and youngest sibling. I've read youngest children have a great sense of humor. It's our defense mechanism. My sis is 2 years older and dynamics are just as you described. Hubs says my big sis is missing a filter. Bad news -- she's not going to change. Our only recourse is training older siblings when they spout off personal, insensitive, careless comments. Don't get angry, but cut conversations short -- or cease replying to texts -- or wait a while before we answer emails.

What we can do is set boundaries with as few explanations as possible. They know they push boundaries or offend us at the same time we know they do it. The next contact we have, avoid participating in passive-aggressive behavior. If you want a relationship with older sibling, keep forgiving and start all over again, distancing when boundaries are compromised. If they ever ask if they did anything wrong - be honest. My recent words to my sis (when she said I seem distant) was - I'm not your punching bag. Sometimes you talk to me when you're in a bad mood and I get the fallout. When that happens, we'll agree to talk soon on another day.

They don't want to change and I don't want to be a border patrol cop but I will respect myself.

Sorry - I know its maddening.

"I took a walk in the woods and came out taller than the trees." Henry David Thoreau

GCR18 · ‎07-03-2013

I think your sister was just taking a cheap shot and didn't mean the child should really get braces. I'd only continue the subject if this was totally out of context for your sister. I'm guessing though this is usual for her and why you don't talk often.

If it's not usual, I'd talk with her about it and it she has been feeling alright. If it's usual, drop it. It will likely not end well.

doxie1 · ‎03-09-2010

@crazered

Prior to this comment were you satisfied with your relationship with your sister? It seems like you were since you talked every two weeks.

I wonder if you read more into the comment than she meant. What did she base the comment on if she lives 300 miles away? Was it a picture or video? It may have been from the angle of the picture.

Does she often make comments like this? I am surprised that you do not talk about her grandchildren.

I would not tell your son. There is no benefit from it.

I am really confused why someone would say that about a 3 year old. I have never heard of a child that young as being identified as needing braces. I am sure your son and daughter-in-law tend to his dental needs.

I tend to speak my mind and tell people what I think.

doxie

qbetzforreal · ‎08-28-2010

Just ignore her comment. It doesn't merit a response.

speedy girl · ‎06-03-2018

I would just let it go. It's your sister and I bet she didn't mean to say anything to hurt you. Sometimes people just say things without thinking. Don't hold it against her.

Lindsays Grandma · ‎03-10-2010

@crazered ...When your sister made the comment you told her he doesn't have buck teeth, end of story. Please do not let what she said eat at you, it isn't worth your getting upset or sick over it. I honestly don't think there is anything to handle, it was said, you responded, and you should just let it go. There is no need to tell your son because then he is going to get upset and for what purpose? I know her comment took you by surprise and I wonder if she even remembers she said it. So, throw it away, forget it and get on with the good things in your life. Stay safe, stay healthy.

The moving finger writes; And having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line Nor all your Tears Wash out a Word of it. Omar Khayam

sissel · ‎08-13-2010

Didn't read all replies but my DD was around 10yrs old thought the teeth were coming in fine, oh no wait til second teeth then braces, I thought she was good but not. don't do anything until second teeth come in. 3yrs forget it. Your sister is a butt. let the little kid at 3yrs live his life. who gets braces at that age?

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@geezerette wrote:
If you felt like you absolutely had to give her a reply of some sort yet still remain noncommittal, I would have said something like, "That's a decision I'll leave up to my son and his dentist when the time is right."

That's what I would have said too. And then I would have changed the subject.

(It is possible that she was trying to be helpful. I wouldn't jump to "she's being insulting" when she just might have been sharing an observation. Either way, it's not worth over-thinking.)

violann · ‎03-10-2010

The term "buck teeth" went out with black and white TV.
If Sissy is searching for a perfect way to date herself by talking like Mamie Eisenhower, she's found it.

Your answer- "As his grandma (Nana, Gaga, etc.) I think my grandson is perfect, and lucky for me, his Mommy and Daddy take excellent care of him, so we don't need to discuss his teeth at all. How did you say your neighbor was covering her/his roots during the emergency?"

If she returns to the (totally ridiculous and inappropriate and unsolicited) topic?

"OOOOOOOOPS, DOORBELL! DELIVERY FROM AMAZON! LOVE YOU, TALK TO YOU SOON, BUH-BYE!!!"