Community Chat

[gulf coast girl]

Thanks for your opinions ladies, in this case it's my son whom is the pisces, he is so lazy, he would rather take the easiest path to whatever job he is given. He has no ambition, NONE. No desire to have a good life, never thinks about tomorrow, he lives for each day and if he gets to goof off than great, he feels like he had a fantastic day. He has no health care, no dental care, doesn't think about any of this, none of the important things fazes him whatsoever. He truly has his head in the clouds, goes from one girlfriend after another, easily grows tired of them so looks for a reason why they should break up.

He seems dumb and child like all at the same time. Has recently decided he doesn't believe in God all because his latest girlfriend doesn't. He's definitely a follower not a leader. 

He's just not motivated to achieve anything, Oh and all he wears is black, yes I read the other thread about black clothing. Everything he owns is black. If I go and buy him a light blue or grey or green shirt anything not black he throws it in a bag to donate trying to convince me he's had it for years and outgrew it, when I just brought it home from the store in the past few days. He seriously has a lying problem. Will lie to my face constantly. 

Enjoys smoking pot with all his loser friends, then denies doing it but you can smell it on him. He says it's the other guy doing it. 

I got so fed up with it so I kicked him out. Now all I do is feel horrible and cry because I feel like the crappy life he has will never get better. 

I feel I had no choice, but will it ever dawn on him to improve his life on his own? He's living in a 3 bedroom house with 4 other people in a poor side of town.

I am not contacting him, if and when I will see or speak to him will be up to him, I'm at a loss. My other children are all successful or should I say, "not idiots".

[golding76]

evening shade, just love him and pray for him.  Also, may I suggest that you not prevent him from seeing and talking to you.  After all, you represent the basic values and way of life that you hope for him to follow someday.

If he is in your life, you will know (or are more likely to know) if he needs your help.

I hope this turns out well.  Good luck and blessings to you both!

[gulf coast girl]

Thank you Goldie, I do pray for him to grow up, become responsible, he's 24 years old. I'm here for him, he knows where to find us but my husband and I are not contacting him for the time being. 

[Pqfan]

I don't pay much "attention" to signs but for some reason all of my life I got along very well with Pisces people.

I have no clue why.

I can even tell if they are Pisces before they tell me.

[Irshgrl31201]

I don't believe at all in Zodiac signs in determining attributes a person will have. I think people are a combination of nature and nuture in most cases. A lot of people will get away what they can get away with if they can. If they live in a household where everything is done for them and everything is paid for I believe in a lot of people that can be a ambition killer. 

I do see this more with males this age than I do with females. It does seem they at times are a little slower to get it together. I am not saying that is true in all cases but in my experience and what I have seen, it seems males struggle more than females. Maybe because they mature slower. 

@gulf coast girl, I think you made the right decision. You will never know if he will grow up and start taking responsibility for his life if you are doing it for him. I don't mind doing stuff for my daughter and as a matter of fact I like to so I don't think that is an issue IF she is doing for herself. If she were in the same position, I would not help her with anything. The more you do for someone who does nothing for themselves, the LESS they will do even though they aren't doing much in the first place. If you make his life comfortable, he will be even less inclined to do anything. 

He may not do anything for himself for a while and he may not do it ever but I think if he starts to dislike his life and having nothing, you will see him start to make an effort. Quality girls aren't going to put up with that nor are they going to want to be with someone who does nothing and has nothing going on. It doesn't help that he has friends who are just as irresponsible because hanging out with them constantly and no one who has ambition, he will start to think that is the norm. I will say that I have several friends that were in the same boat and all but one decided to do what you did, cut them off (at least kicking them out and cutting them off financially but still keeping in contact with them but no help). All but the one who continued to let her child live with them and doing for him have had good success and these boys have really turned it around. My one girlfriend who continued to let her son live with them and kept doing his laundry, cleaning his room, letting him sleep til all hours of the day and giving him spending money so he could go out because he didn't even have a job despite not even going to school, has seen him get even worse. Why should he change? He has no reason to. He gets everything provided for him and does nothing. 

The other kids (well not kids) have made changes. Some took longer than others but all have started really positive strides and are doing well. Their parents have met them halfway too. If they saw they were really trying, they didn't mind helping out once in a while either. They are careful though not to do so much that they fall back into the same patterns. 

It may take a little bit to see some change. If he truly hates having nothing he will change. He will have to pay rent where he is now or he will not be able to stay there. DO NOT HELP HIM by giving him money for rent. Let him struggle. If you jump into help he knows his mom and dad will be there if he doesn't feel like doing what he needs to, to pay rent. 

Do you think you could get him into counseling even once? I do know that one of my friends who went through this eventually got a her son a psychiatrist/life coach. When I used to hear the words life coach, I was skeptical but this guy really help her son. How her son was living was not supporting the goals he had and his life coach really helped him to attain what he wanted and gave him the tools to do that. I know they aren't for everyone so many just a counselor that specializes in aimless 20 something could give him help.

Whatever you decide, good luck to you and your son. Nearly every mental health professional I know thinks the steps you are taking are the right ones. We do want to help our children but when we give them too much help, it can stop them from realizing their goals so I really wish you all the luck in the world. I know this has to be so frustrating for you. 

[feline groovy]

Pisces runs from Feb. 19th through March 20th.

But you should also consider the traits of the two signs that precede and follow it - Aquarius and Aries - if this person's birthdate lies on the cusp of either one.

Plus keep in mind that life experiences contribute greatly to who we are.

[gulf coast girl]

Thank you so much Irshgrl131201 for such a thoughtful post, it has helped me a lot, I refuse to feel guilty for his behavior, he's making these dumb choices and I quit. I'm going to let my husband read all these replies when he gets home, it's been so helpful, it makes me feel like yes I am doing the right thing. Many thanks again ladies. 

[GenXmuse]

Pisces tend to be dreamers and often seem like they're in another world. They also have higher rates of substance abuse problems. 

[mistriTsquirrel]

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@gulf coast girl wrote:

Thanks for your opinions ladies, in this case it's my son whom is the pisces, he is so lazy, he would rather take the easiest path to whatever job he is given. He has no ambition, NONE. No desire to have a good life, never thinks about tomorrow, he lives for each day and if he gets to goof off than great, he feels like he had a fantastic day. He has no health care, no dental care, doesn't think about any of this, none of the important things fazes him whatsoever. He truly has his head in the clouds, goes from one girlfriend after another, easily grows tired of them so looks for a reason why they should break up.

He seems dumb and child like all at the same time. Has recently decided he doesn't believe in God all because his latest girlfriend doesn't. He's definitely a follower not a leader. 

He's just not motivated to achieve anything, Oh and all he wears is black, yes I read the other thread about black clothing. Everything he owns is black. If I go and buy him a light blue or grey or green shirt anything not black he throws it in a bag to donate trying to convince me he's had it for years and outgrew it, when I just brought it home from the store in the past few days. He seriously has a lying problem. Will lie to my face constantly. 

Enjoys smoking pot with all his loser friends, then denies doing it but you can smell it on him. He says it's the other guy doing it. 

I got so fed up with it so I kicked him out. Now all I do is feel horrible and cry because I feel like the crappy life he has will never get better. 

I feel I had no choice, but will it ever dawn on him to improve his life on his own? He's living in a 3 bedroom house with 4 other people in a poor side of town.

I am not contacting him, if and when I will see or speak to him will be up to him, I'm at a loss. My other children are all successful or should I say, "not idiots".

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@gulf coast girl  You feel perfectly justified calling him an idiot, but you're here acting like he turned out this way because the planets were not aligned properly when he was born?

Come on.