Community Chat

[Zoologist_1]

I don't know why this is bugging me all of a sudden today, but maybe I'm supposed to post it here to help others. All I know is it's just so heavy on my heart/mind today, so here goes.

When my dh died at age 34, our boys were young - 9 months, 7 yrs, 22 yrs (stepson).

My dh was one of the most popular guys in school, and we still live in the small town where he was born/grew up. Hundreds of people came to the viewing and funeral, and dozens came to our house afterwards for the meal, etc. The minister invited everyone over at the end of the burial at the cemetery. Also, at the viewing, when asked by his friends what they could do, I said please write down a memory/thoughts about him for the boys. That would be priceless to them.

It didn't hit me for years, tho, that not one of his friends from school came over here. There was a crowd - all his co-workers and bosses, my friends and co-workers, friends/teachers of our sons, my family, etc. all did, plus I was in such a grief state, it didn't really register.

Fast forward about 6-7 yrs to a few yrs ago -- one of his former classmates casually mentioned about everyone being at my MIL's house after the funeral/burial. Then it dawned on me that she'd had a GTG at her house but hadn't mentioned it to me or any of my friends/family since his family all blamed me for his death, and refused to speak to us, not even to our kids, etc. They didn't even stay for much of the viewing hours.

Since we'd been party central for the 10 yrs we were married, with tons of BBQs, holidays, all sporting event parties, etc., with anywhere from 6-50 people coming over for them, I never dreamed that all of these people would just disappear the minute he died, leaving not only me alone, but having zero to do with our sons.

Of course, I've kept his memory alive with stories about him, both from our time together and from what his buddies and he had shared of their childhood/school years, etc., but it's not the same as those guys putting it into their own words, etc. for the boys.

Sorry to ramble, but my point (yes, I DO have one!) is this:

When a loved one passes away, esp. when the survivors specifically ASK, think about writing down a thought or two about that loved one for their kids, grandkids, etc. to have. Even for the widow/widower.

What's that saying -- when a loved one passes away, a memory becomes a treasure.

Thanks for "listening".