Community Chat

[THEY CallMe Mr Wilkes]

Kinda crazy mixed messaging from the above poster:

"If an adult child moves home and never leaves, the parents were remiss in promoting their child's self confidence, self worth, self relience, and courrage.

I know of no one who wouldn't want to have a rewarding job, live their own life, make their own way in the world, but some parents are overly involved in their children, and make them dependent, never allowing them to decide, make mistakes, and learn from them. Helicopter parents."

[stevieb]

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@reiki604 wrote:

@stevieb You are correct, I did make an assumption simply because it has been my experience with those I know, that it is primarily males that move back in with their moms. I continually hear my friend's daughters complain about the lack  of maturity, independence and ability to do things like the most basic of life skills or having a job. I am only speaking from my observations and experiences. No harshness, only pragmatism. Your experiences  are surely different.

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@reiki604  I don't have a large pool of experience with families whose adult children have moved back home, but given my limited exposure, it does seem to have cut both ways. Both daughters and sons. Several single daughters with a child and a couple of sons with a wife, along with several singles of both sexes. Sometimes, the reasons are positive ones, often however, they're based on need. I believe it's somewhat factual that women mature at an earlier age than do men, one of the reasons that many women tend to gravitate toward men older than themselves and a number of men gravitate toward either younger women. who match their maturational level or older women who can help take care of them, perhaps.

[jackthebear]

even if not classed as rent, there should be some kind of contribution from the adult child,

be it food, or landscape work or something 

[Mersha]

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@occasionalrain wrote:

In my family I knew that I could always move  home, didn't have to ask, always had a key and I'd be welcomed. It was like money in the bank, full tank of gas in my car, food in the freezer, and friends I could depend upon. I want the same for my adult child.

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@occasionalrain   I agree.

The day I left home to move out of state and begin a career my mom told me that whatever happened, I would always have a home to return to.

That meant the world to me.  I knew I always had a soft place to fall if things did not work out.

[kaydee50]

Definitely charge something.  When I first started working, my parents had me pay "rent."  I think it was smart of them.  No free loading.  You're an adult.

[queendiva]

@Mersha : I would and I did.

DS got his first job out of college. Working full time. Wanted to save money for a future house and wedding, in that order. As he would eventually be paying a mortgage, utilities and other adulting bills, I charged him a token monthly "rent" and included dinner. He paid for his own breakfast & lunch. That arrangement was for 2+ years until they closed on the purchase of the house.

That was 10 years ago. Has the house and the wife and is doing very well,financially and otherwise.

If you want to respect your grown child as an adult, treat him/her like one.

[Iwantcoffee]

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There are many ways one can contribute to a household. Rent is one of many ways and would not use that as a test for one being responsible or not.

Paying rent does not mean you have arrived as an adult.

[THEY CallMe Mr Wilkes]

Seems like lots of enabling Mommies. 

Wouldn't be surprised if they criticized same behavior in others.

[Danky2]

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@THEY CallMe Mr Wilkes wrote:

Seems like lots of enabling Mommies. 

Wouldn't be surprised if they criticized same behavior in others.

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Do you EVER work or is that just a " wish I was " pretend name ?

[THEY CallMe Mr Wilkes]

Go Qurate!  Go Qurate!  Go Qurate!

I take

No bait.....from an angry Mommy!