Community Chat

[reiki604]

@stevieb You are correct, I did make an assumption simply because it has been my experience with those I know, that it is primarily males that move back in with their moms. I continually hear my friend's daughters complain about the lack  of maturity, independence and ability to do things like the most basic of life skills or having a job. I am only speaking from my observations and experiences. No harshness, only pragmatism. Your experiences  are surely different.

[haddon9]

No, and I haven't.  My son who is in his mid thirties moved back home two years ago.  He was switching jobs and started to look for an apartment nearby.  But we liked having him at home and he helped DH who is disabled with a lot of projects.  We didn't charge him and he got to save a lot of money. So he stayed for almost two years.

Now he is renting a house but probably has enough or close to enough for a good down payment on owning his own place.  However the costs of homes and interest rates have skyrocketed over the last couple of years so for now he is renting. 

He's only about half an hour away so we still see him a lot.  If he's not going to a friend's house to watch the game on weekends, he will come over and hang out with dad who loves his company and watch the game here.  He's in Princeton and for some reason he can't get the Eagles games on TV so he will visit friends in Philly if he doesn't come home.

[They CallMe MRWILKES]

Clearly, some can not handle even the slightest modicum of deviation from their right think.

But that's OK on a public forum.

Carry on Dear QVC Ladies.  Y'all crack me up and provide the greatest interweb entertainment ever!

[Icegoddess]

I didn't charge my daughter rent when she moved back home with my grandson.  I wasn't happy about the situation, but I also was glad she was getting away from her boyfriend.  She also had a low paying waitressing/bartending job.  

However, during that time, she decided that maybe she didn't want to waitress or bartend the rest of her life and went back to school.  She also met a nice man and they married.  After she graduated, she got a job and I even convinced her to go back to school to get a full 4 year degree.  Sometimes a little carrot-waving helps.  The company she worked for was a small startup, but they worked with her to be able to get her classes in, some of which she was able to do online, and she was able to graduate near the top of her class in Biology.  She changed jobs to another startup in the same Bio/Med incubation complex and is now the Lab Manager and does the hiring for her department.  

[GingerHead]

Also, to add onto my last post.

I don't think there is a "right" answer because it's your family and that means you get to decide what's right for you.

There's no right or wrong here.... 

All I know is that in my family my dog child is never allowed to move out on his own.

[skatting44]

  I think it's okay to help your adult children when they need help so that they can save money for a home or further their education or that their may be  living in an unsafe  environment rather than pay high rent , however  making sure they remain employed  and not just loafing around your home like an irresponsible child taking advantage of the situation.

[bonnielu]

I would ask for help around the house.   Perhaps even them buying some groceries.  

I have been around those who are "entitled," who are given everything without having to work for it and they never really "make it."  

As a young adult in my parents home It was expected I get a job of some sorts, and then later in college the same expectation.  When I graduated I had the spirit and resolve to make it on my own.  

I feel when you are given everything and nothing is expected you have been handed a lifetime curse and a formula for failure.  

[MaverDaver]

Sure would. There's no free ride in my book. AND if for some reason they couldn't pay because they had zero income, sweat equity kicks in. 

[occasionalrain]

@haddon9 

That's what I've  been thinking, why wouldn't parents find it enjoyable to have their loved child back home? I know how I felt when my child left for college and how we looked forward to their visits during breaks.

[Sage04]

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@GingerHead wrote:

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@Trinity11 wrote:

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@aj1980 wrote:

If your adult child needed to move back home, would you charge them rent or let them come free of charge?

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I would never charge him or her rent. But that can backfire dependent upon your child. My MIL welcomed my brother in law back at 27 and he never moved out. He's still living in his childhood home at 74.😳 He never paid her a cent in rent and in her latter years lived off her two pensions and social security. My husband's sister moved back with my MIL after a failed marriage at 35. She never left either. She's 77. My MIL was a saint.

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   I don't have children but if I did this would be exactly my fear if one did allow their adult child to move back without responsibilities such as paying rent, etc....there's a fine line between helping and enabling/crippling a person. so that they are no longer a functioning adult.

I wouldn't want to create a monster moocher.....

Edited to say, this is coming from a dog mom and if my dog moved out and needed to come back home I'd let him come back in a hot minute, no strings attached!!!haha

So, it's your family you decide. 

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@GingerHead  would it be ok if your dog brought home a partner and 6 puppies? lol