Community Chat

[Colonel Meow]

Please allow me to apologize in advance if the tone of this post seems negative or whiny - I fully admit I am venting. Within just the last month, I "contributed" almost $100 to special events/celebrations/luncheons that have been held within my department at work.

It seems we are pressured into giving monetary donations (usually "suggested" at $20) for everything. For example, in October alone - we had a housewarming celebration, baby shower, wedding shower, a co-worker successfully defended her doctoral dissertation, another coworker was promoted into a different department.

When did the workplace become the acceptable (and expected) venue to celebrate such milestones? These are all certainly momentous occasions that ought to be celebrated, but shouldn't they be shared with your friends and loved ones (not co-workers)?

I am happy to contribute towards the milestone celebrations for my friends and loved ones, but I rather resent being pressured into spending so much money for acquaintances that I merely pass in the hall. (Some I don't even see on a daily basis.)

Can anyone offer suggestions on how to respectfully decline participating in such occasions, without appearing uncouth? I am relatively new to this department, and am nervous to give the impression that I am not a "team player".

[ROMARY]

Gee, that's a tough one...........I really can't think of anything right now. If you are on a strict budget (as many of us are), you might want to nicely mention it to the person who is in charge of collecting the money. I wouldn't want to have to contribute to co-workers (gifts) that I hardly see or know.

[Colonel Meow]

I did say something (very lightly) to our staff assistant, who does the collecting. Something like, "wow, we're really getting gouged this month, huh? I don't know if I can afford to work here". Her response was, "We like to take care of each other here and recognize each other's success".

[sidsmom]

How about White Lie it? "Gee....I've already got them a little something". No one's the wiser. Or follow up your statement w/ a card, write a nice sentiment & place on their desk. Boom...done.

[makeup addict]

Wow, we only do a collection for a death in the family to help with expenses. No one knows how much yu give and some don't give. Everone signs the sympathy card. We usually buy gift for baby showers ourselves or go in with a coworker. When we do a collection no amount is suggested. It varies from a few dollars to ten. Promotions aren't celebrated with gifts. Maybe you can bring it up for next year what specifically the group will celebrate and just acknowledge other accomplishments.

[Colonel Meow]

On 11/8/2014 sidsmom said:

How about White Lie it? "Gee....I've already got them a little something". No one's the wiser. Or follow up your statement w/ a card, write a nice sentiment & place on their desk. Boom...done.

That's a good suggestion (one that I've considered, even). But I'm unsure about it because the custom is for the recipient to open all gifts/cards in front of the group.

So it would be noticeable if my card did not include either a cash donation or gift card. So far, I've yet to see a card that did not include either.

[brii]

That's just wrong. You shouldn't feel pressured to give and the recipient shouldn't open them in front of everybody. You shouldn't feel shamed into giving.

It should be anonymous and voluntary.

[september]

I've always hated "group gifts". In my case, it was because I was fairly certain I donated more than most other people. But on the other hand...I usually wanted to.

I think it's best if we each do our own thing in these situations.

[Colonel Meow]

On 11/8/2014 makeup addict said: Wow, we only do a collection for a death in the family to help with expenses. No one knows how much yu give and some don't give. Everone signs the sympathy card. We usually buy gift for baby showers ourselves or go in with a coworker. When we do a collection no amount is suggested. It varies from a few dollars to ten. Promotions aren't celebrated with gifts. Maybe you can bring it up for next year what specifically the group will celebrate and just acknowledge other accomplishments.

Oh, gosh - I would be nervous to initiate such a discussion (being the most junior member of this department). But I do agree that simply acknowledging accomplishments should suffice.

[Colonel Meow]

On 11/8/2014 brii said:

That's just wrong. You shouldn't feel pressured to give and the recipient shouldn't open them in front of everybody. You shouldn't feel shamed into giving.

It should be anonymous and voluntary.

I agree. The department is very odd in this arena, IMO. I seem to be the only one who feels this way, though. Either that, or everyone else has been here long enough that they've simply gotten used to it and accepted the way things are.