Re: Women as Friends ... Really?

Rununculus · ‎08-12-2013

Interesting subject. It really depends on the individual. I'm lucky to have a few, very few, women friends with whom I feel close, and to whom I can be really open and not receive any competitiveness or "meanness." But there is a huge chunk of truth in what the OP said. I've encountered many women who are unkind, to me and to one another. And men are competitive too of course, and can be mean and yes even devious.

I know probably as many men who dislike one another as I do women.

It's a people problem, really.

Marienkaefer2 · ‎03-09-2010

On 10/4/2014 sylviahomeatlast said: there's a woman at church who is THE most unfriendly person I've ever slightly met---I have no desire to know her better---and I will be doing a ministry with her and her husband as. "trainers". I'm rethinking this---i don't think J**us wants me to be around her

OR sometimes God brings us closer to these people in order to teach US something...about patience or forgiveness, mercy or kindness. I've been in many similar situations and I always ask, why me? Lol. One of my friends says, "What you resist, persists." And I've found that she's right.

If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need.--Marcus Tullius Cicero

Snowpuppy · ‎03-09-2010

On 10/5/2014 Marienkaefer2 said:
On 10/4/2014 sylviahomeatlast said: there's a woman at church who is THE most unfriendly person I've ever slightly met---I have no desire to know her better---and I will be doing a ministry with her and her husband as. "trainers". I'm rethinking this---i don't think J**us wants me to be around her
OR sometimes God brings us closer to these people in order to teach US something...about patience or forgiveness, mercy or kindness. I've been in many similar situations and I always ask, why me? Lol. One of my friends says, "What you resist, persists." And I've found that she's right.

So sylviahomeatlast gets to learn patience, love, kindness, all of which she can get at a local animal shelter.

And what does Porcupine Woman get? Other than someone else to abuse?

Sometimes you have to stop volunteering to be the victim when you already know it's going to go badly before going into a situation.

It seems her alarm bells are already ringing.

tuscaloosa · ‎03-23-2010

I let a good friend go without giving her a reason although I am sure she knows. She was a roommate. I own my own home. She had a sweet deal. She broke some of my things; she really only wanted to live with me to save money; she was not interested in being my friend. She also stiffed me money wise when she left. She almost certainly fueled a rumor about me because she did not want me to find a significant other, which might affect her status. She did move to another state for a job. I realized there was no way she would let me be her roommate if I were to find a job where she lived. Some women will only keep a friendship active if it meets their personal goals. But I do think some friendships are only meant to last for a season. When your children are young you tend to be friends with the parents. Kids change schools or friends and so friends take another direction.

oppia · ‎03-10-2010

On 10/1/2014 happy housewife said:
I was widowed at age 30. Following this most of my so called friends backed off - either they didn't know how to handle a friend in deep grief or they were afraid I was going to go after their husbands - their loser husbands. Anyway , I have since made better , more faithful friends. A 75 year old widow I am friends with here t camp tells me this behavior of no longer wanting to be your friend once you are widowed continues even at her age. That is just pathetic. I "loan" her my DH when ever she needs him to fix things etc. and she is so grateful I am not some jealous shrew.

luv your tag line - just wish I could remember to act on it.

Edit to add - wow I happen upon this thread at the very best time possible. Having some

of these same problems. Posted on viewpoints for advice. This is my home away from home. Best, Oppia Kiss

Expatgal ITA

TaxyLady · ‎05-26-2011

I believe in order to have trusted loyal friends, one must learn how to be a trusted loyal friend.

straykatz · ‎03-09-2010

I think the term friend is used too loosely....I know people who call every acquaintance a friend, co-workers, church members, their mailperson, the dog groomer, hair stylists, etc are also called friends.

Most people only have 2-3 close friends.....if your close friends are catty, jealous, manipulative, unsupportive, mean, etc. then you need to revaluate how and why these persons are close friends.

Me And My Shadow · ‎03-09-2010

On 10/6/2014 TaxyLady said:
I believe in order to have trusted loyal friends, one must learn how to be a trusted loyal friend.

Oh, if only life were that easy...I have seen people, who are very caring, loving, trusting and giving of themselves...end up being terribly betrayed by family, friends and co-workers...due to jealousy, resentment, insecurities, etc...taking out their personal issues on others who they choose to be their "scapegoats"...gossip, manipulation and all those terrible evils that make it impossible to have healthy, caring and loving relationships with them.

oppia · ‎03-10-2010

On 10/6/2014 Me And My Shadow said:
On 10/6/2014 TaxyLady said:
I believe in order to have trusted loyal friends, one must learn how to be a trusted loyal friend.

Oh, if only life were that easy...I have seen people, who are very caring, loving, trusting and giving of themselves...end up being terribly betrayed by family, friends and co-workers...due to jealousy, resentment, insecurities, etc...taking out their personal issues on others who they choose to be their "scapegoats"...gossip, manipulation and all those terrible evils that make it impossible to have healthy, caring and loving relationships with them.

Me and My Shadow - I think you got it.