Community Chat

[NoelSeven]

I just came across a really pertinent article about a 16 year old working kid and how the words of one customer ruined his day. Kind of a parallel to Hyacinth's story.

For those interested, it's here:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jennifer-ball/to-the-stranger-who-ruined-my-sons-saturday-night_b_523...

It bothers me a lot when I see someone somehow mistreating a working person. I usually find a way to say something.

[hyacinth003]

As a nurse, I have been shocked at what people will say to you.

However, you get more used to it when understanding what stresses they are under. It is different if someone is confused, laden with alcohol or drugs, etc. You get hit, kicked, spit on, etc. But, unpleasant as it is, you put it in context.

Relatives, friends, and other visitors can say really awful things. I had to learn to defuse situations rather than confront. It is generally not personal. I have even had people apologize.

So I've tried to tell my daughter that this is a study of humanity! She has drunks harass and try to touch her. She sees people intoxicated in the drive thru and they cannot report it.

Her having Asperger's is a bit of a challenge too. She takes things differently sometimes than the rest of us too. I just tell her what they say is a reflection of them - not you.

Hyacinth

[FlowershopGirl]

People can be very rude and at times, some think they are above others or that a certain profession is beneath their station in life.

My brother has run into this at times in his life because of our station in life, being trust-fund-kids, and his choice of occupation. A few people really couldn't understand his choice to be a PO. They looked at it as a "common people" job, blue collar, etc. Some of his less kind acquaintances (he would never call them friends) have poked fun at his choice of profession. He just doesn't care what they say and he ignores their derisive remarks about his getting a "real job". We both received our work-doing-what-you-love ethics from our mom and grandparents so nothing is beneath us. Its their problem anyway.

I think your daughter is lucky to have you as her mom because you've given her good advice. Those remarks come from pretentious people anyway and really aren't worth responding to with anything other than a smile.

[lovescats]

Some people that say that to her may think she does deserve a better job but just aren't saying it right.

[Irshgrl31201]

I have a very good friend that I met about 8 yrs ago. She is a couple of years younger than I am, she is around 39 or 40. She works as a bartender and has off and on since she got out of college. She went to a great school and got her masters in journalism. She worked for several years at a good job and made good money. She has serious talent and was recognized for her talent and promoted often and accordingly. Off and on through school and after first graduating she would take a couple of nights a week at the bar to make extra money. One day she decided she really didn't love what she studied so hard for and felt she loved tending bar more and started doing that full time.

For about 11 or so years she has worked about 32 hours a week bartending at an upscale supper club. She pulls in a little over $80k AFTER taxes. She does some writing on the side but she really loves tending bar. She is as smart as they come blessed both with book smarts and common sense, she is beautiful and has just the most wonderful personality. She must hear that phrase "When are you going to get a real job?" about once a week. She is constantly receiving other offers for bartending positions at other establishments because she is so good at what she does.

SHE is very happy and confident with what she does to make a living. As a matter of fact, the majority of time she makes more money than the person who asks her this stupid question. She feels confident and happy with what she does so when someone asks her this question she knows it is more about them and their insecurities than it does her.

I have lived in Australia as well as spending time in other countries and it is so odd to me that the US seems to be on of the few places that people ask the question "What do you do for a living?" right away upon meeting someone new. I can honestly say I have never heard someone from one of the countries I have lived in or spent a good amount of time in ask those kind of questions or make those types of comments. It seems as Americans we can be obsessed with what someone does for a living and we define them by it. I really don't notice that nearly as much in other parts of the world.

Your daughter has nothing to be ashamed of at all. She is making an honest living doing an honest days work. If anyone thinks anything different then that is something they should deal with.

[Bridgegal]

We lived in England and Greece for 7 years. It is considered rude to ask what you do for a living. Work is work. Your daughter is working and working hard so she owes these pigs no response at all. Also, when I worked in HR we always said that 'blink and stare' was the best response to rude, stupid, classless comments. She might try that.

[VanSleepy]

I know there are giant as ses in the world, but I can't even imagine someone saying this to her. I don't see why a reply in a "non-sniping" tone would get her in any trouble. I don't think I would be able to ignore the jerks. Something like others have suggested..."This is a real job" and under her breath "a hole" LOL

[Lindsays Grandma]

On 5/2/2014 Preds said:

The best response is a polite smile while thinking of all the other responses listed here. People just blurt out anything and everything when they are trying to make conversation. She could also say she volunteers their in order to study the type of people that eat there for her thesis.

Preds...great comeback, love it.

[Yuban3]

On 5/2/2014 VanSleepy said:

I know there are giant as ses in the world, but I can't even imagine someone saying this to her. I don't see why a reply in a "non-sniping" tone would get her in any trouble. I don't think I would be able to ignore the jerks. Something like others have suggested..."This is a real job" and under her breath "a hole" LOL

It doesn't matter what tone you use when you say something to a customer. You could say something to that customer in the nicest, sweetest voice, but if the customer does not like what you said, they can still demand to see your manager, and complain to them about how rude and nasty you were to them.

Case in point. Just before I left Sears, I had a husband and wife come in and ask for help in the bedding and small appliances department. As a cashier, we were forbidden from leaving the register unattended. So, I cheerfully called for someone to help them. That help never showed up. They again asked for help. And again, I was more than happy to call for someone to go over and help them. I was all smiles, very pleasant attitude. Friendly tone of voice. Still, no one showed up to help them. Then they asked to speak with the manager. Once again, I was smiling, and had a pleasant, friendly tone of voice, as I said that I would call a manager over. Before a manager could get there however, the wife took off and found another manager, and complained to him about MY negative attitude!

The manager hauled me in to his office, and proceeded to read me the riot act about my attitude. I tried to explain to him, how I was pleasant, and friendly, and willing to help the customer. But my manager would hear none of it. In his eyes, *I* was the one at fault. And consequently, I was the one who got in to trouble.

So, the moral of the story is, even when a customer is rude, and treating you like a day old cow patty, is is always best to keep your mouth shut.

[stilltamn8r]

Why? because many human beings are full of insecurity, prejudice and ignorance- It makes them feel GOOD to put others down..

The fact that you are just now realizing this makes you one of the lucky few that have never experienced this, I guess...