Re: Why do people make life harder than it already... - Page 12

Isobel Archer · ‎04-04-2015

@jubilant wrote:
@Noel7 wrote:
@jubilant wrote:
While I empathize with this woman's problem, I can't help but think of people who, first of all, realize that they almost always have options and,secondly, look for them!

It is well within this ladies ability to choose her options more wisely and, in the process, she would be helping herself to a better life, not waiting for everyone to accomodate her. If you wait for other people to solve your problems, imo, you will be in for a long wait. In the end, she would make  more thoughtful choices and it would be a confidence booster for sure! Empathy for people with disabilites is fine. Sympathy, not so much.

@jubilant No sympathy for people with disabilities? I’m shocked you feel that way.
***********   The definition of empathy is..... the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. In certain situations I feel empathy is better than sympathy. If this woman would have taken it upon herself to choose a different avenue, imo, it would have saved her a lot of emotional pain. If I could talk to her, I would certainly feel her frustation and pain and suggest a new way to look at things. To me that is empathizing. To insinuate that I have no sympathy for people with disabilities is not fair. I am hoping that people here who know me will know that is not true.

Exactly. It's a little hard for me to consider those who refuse to acknowledge that people with difficulties - of all kinds - can actually do anything to make their lives easier but instead should insist that others immediately understand and make it easier for them - are really the compassionate ones.

How is this woman's life better by putting herself in situations where she feels humiliated - always hoping that "others" will be different? I thought doing the same thing over and over and hoping for a different result was the definition of futility.

I'd much rather see her empower herself and take control of such situations. We have a victim culture going on and it is not helping anyone. It is simply fueling judgment and anger - and solving nothing.

CrazyDaisy · ‎03-20-2010

@jubilant wrote:
@Noel7 wrote:
@jubilant wrote:
While I empathize with this woman's problem, I can't help but think of people who, first of all, realize that they almost always have options and,secondly, look for them!

It is well within this ladies ability to choose her options more wisely and, in the process, she would be helping herself to a better life, not waiting for everyone to accomodate her. If you wait for other people to solve your problems, imo, you will be in for a long wait. In the end, she would make  more thoughtful choices and it would be a confidence booster for sure! Empathy for people with disabilites is fine. Sympathy, not so much.

@jubilant No sympathy for people with disabilities? I’m shocked you feel that way.
***********   The definition of empathy is..... the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. In certain situations I feel empathy is better than sympathy. If this woman would have taken it upon herself to choose a different avenue, imo, it would have saved her a lot of emotional pain. If I could talk to her, I would certainly feel her frustation and pain and suggest a new way to look at things. To me that is empathizing. To insinuate that I have no sympathy for people with disabilities is not fair. I am hoping that people here who know me will know that is not true.

Would think most people with disabilities would want your understanding not your pity but who knows.

In this case the lady is not disabled, she has a condition that at times limits her ability to communicate. Everyone has physical or even mental limits in their lives that they need to find a way to deal with. I do not pity them because of it, I admire them for finding ways to overcome them.

Someday, when scientists discover the center of the Universe....some people will be disappointed it is not them.

jubilant · ‎06-10-2010

As I have read through these posts my mind keeps going to the story of Helen Keller and her teacher, Anne Sullivan.

Trinity11 · ‎11-16-2014

@jubilant wrote:
As I have read through these posts my mind keeps going to the story of Helen Keller and her teacher, Anne Sullivan.

Even Helen Keller had her moments. Life is a journey and people with disabilities get their days. There are often times people just need a forum to vent. It does not mean that they are consistently making life harder on themselves. I also remember Anne Sullivan cursing her inability to see. It happens.

I have always felt that since I walk in no one else's shoes, I have no right to judge them if they handle a disability different than perhaps I would. And I would never consider myself so cavalier as to tell them what they should or shouldn't do.

CrazyDaisy · ‎03-20-2010

@Trinity11 wrote:
@jubilant wrote:
As I have read through these posts my mind keeps going to the story of Helen Keller and her teacher, Anne Sullivan.
Even Helen Keller had her moments. Life is a journey and people with disabilities get their days. There are often times people just need a forum to vent. It does not mean that they are consistently making life harder on themselves. I also remember Anne Sullivan cursing her inability to see. It happens.

I have always felt that since I walk in no one else's shoes, I have no right to judge them if they handle a disability different than perhaps I would. And I would never consider myself so cavalier as to tell them what they should or shouldn't do.

While I am sure Helen Keller and Anne Sullivan did have their moments and needed to vent, like most they were likely done in private not posted on the Internet. And I would think that anyone dealing with difficulties would appreciate others suggestions that would make life easier. We see those on the Internet everyday, even this board. When you open your life up to the public you are bound to get many different solutions from many different perspectives.

Someday, when scientists discover the center of the Universe....some people will be disappointed it is not them.

Trinity11 · ‎11-16-2014

@CrazyDaisy wrote:
@Trinity11 wrote:
@jubilant wrote:
As I have read through these posts my mind keeps going to the story of Helen Keller and her teacher, Anne Sullivan.
Even Helen Keller had her moments. Life is a journey and people with disabilities get their days. There are often times people just need a forum to vent. It does not mean that they are consistently making life harder on themselves. I also remember Anne Sullivan cursing her inability to see. It happens.

I have always felt that since I walk in no one else's shoes, I have no right to judge them if they handle a disability different than perhaps I would. And I would never consider myself so cavalier as to tell them what they should or shouldn't do.

While I am sure Helen Keller and Anne Sullivan did have their moments and needed to vent, like most they were likely done in private not posted on the Internet. And I would think that anyone dealing with difficulties would appreciate others suggestions that would make life easier. We see those on the Internet everyday, even this board. When you open your life up to the public you are bound to get many different solutions from many different perspectives.

HUH?????? There was no internet back then. So how do we have any idea what either of them would have done??

Your post speaks to the fact that sharing anything personal is precarious at best. There is always someone who is ready to swoop in and tell a person (without having any real experience with the issue) how to do it right.

That's why when someone has a health issue, 99% of the time they are far better off communicating with people who understand the struggle. Designated forums for specific illnesses are extremely helpful. It makes it so they don't read so called solutions from some person who doesn't have a clue.

LilacTree · ‎03-25-2012

@Trinity11 wrote:
@CrazyDaisy wrote:
@Trinity11 wrote:
@jubilant wrote:
As I have read through these posts my mind keeps going to the story of Helen Keller and her teacher, Anne Sullivan.
Even Helen Keller had her moments. Life is a journey and people with disabilities get their days. There are often times people just need a forum to vent. It does not mean that they are consistently making life harder on themselves. I also remember Anne Sullivan cursing her inability to see. It happens.

I have always felt that since I walk in no one else's shoes, I have no right to judge them if they handle a disability different than perhaps I would. And I would never consider myself so cavalier as to tell them what they should or shouldn't do.

While I am sure Helen Keller and Anne Sullivan did have their moments and needed to vent, like most they were likely done in private not posted on the Internet. And I would think that anyone dealing with difficulties would appreciate others suggestions that would make life easier. We see those on the Internet everyday, even this board. When you open your life up to the public you are bound to get many different solutions from many different perspectives.
HUH?????? There was no internet back then. So how do we have any idea what either of them would have done??
Your post speaks to the fact that sharing anything personal is precarious at best. There is always someone who is ready to swoop in and tell a person (without having any real experience with the issue) how to do it right.

That's why when someone has a health issue, 99% of the time they are far better off communicating with people who understand the struggle. Designated forums for specific illnesses are extremely helpful. It makes it so they don't read so called solutions from some person who doesn't have a clue.

@Trinity11

Truer words . . .

Formerly Ford1224
We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Elie Wiesel 1986

Annabellethecat66 · ‎03-12-2010

When I was young I stuttered. Not like this girl, but I did stutter. I took speech lessons in school. My middle daughter dropped her "R's". She also took speech and now she speaks very clearly, as do I.

I guess this woman's problem can't be fixed but I think in answer to this question in general, usually people who make life difficult is because they don't like themselves.

They will blame it on everyone else, (i.e. bullied at school, etc) but by the time they're in their 60's that isn't an excuse to be constantly angry at everyone.....

Noel7 · ‎03-09-2010

@jubilant wrote:
@Noel7 wrote:
@jubilant wrote:
While I empathize with this woman's problem, I can't help but think of people who, first of all, realize that they almost always have options and,secondly, look for them!

It is well within this ladies ability to choose her options more wisely and, in the process, she would be helping herself to a better life, not waiting for everyone to accomodate her. If you wait for other people to solve your problems, imo, you will be in for a long wait. In the end, she would make  more thoughtful choices and it would be a confidence booster for sure! Empathy for people with disabilites is fine. Sympathy, not so much.

@jubilant No sympathy for people with disabilities? I’m shocked you feel that way.
***********   The definition of empathy is..... the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. In certain situations I feel empathy is better than sympathy. If this woman would have taken it upon herself to choose a different avenue, imo, it would have saved her a lot of emotional pain. If I could talk to her, I would certainly feel her frustation and pain and suggest a new way to look at things. To me that is empathizing. To insinuate that I have no sympathy for people with disabilities is not fair. I am hoping that people here who know me will know that is not true.

@jubilant

It’s about the ability to feel for or with others, to understand their pain. You made a blanket statement that you don’t feel much sympathy for people with disabilities. That goes against everything we supposedly stand for, everything we are taught.

I felt it strongly for someone you cared about who was quite disabled at the time. I am surprised you don’t feel it for others.

Isobel Archer · ‎04-04-2015

@Noel7 wrote:
@jubilant wrote:
@Noel7 wrote:
@jubilant wrote:
While I empathize with this woman's problem, I can't help but think of people who, first of all, realize that they almost always have options and,secondly, look for them!

It is well within this ladies ability to choose her options more wisely and, in the process, she would be helping herself to a better life, not waiting for everyone to accomodate her. If you wait for other people to solve your problems, imo, you will be in for a long wait. In the end, she would make  more thoughtful choices and it would be a confidence booster for sure! Empathy for people with disabilites is fine. Sympathy, not so much.

@jubilant No sympathy for people with disabilities? I’m shocked you feel that way.
***********   The definition of empathy is..... the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. In certain situations I feel empathy is better than sympathy. If this woman would have taken it upon herself to choose a different avenue, imo, it would have saved her a lot of emotional pain. If I could talk to her, I would certainly feel her frustation and pain and suggest a new way to look at things. To me that is empathizing. To insinuate that I have no sympathy for people with disabilities is not fair. I am hoping that people here who know me will know that is not true.

@jubilant

It’s about the ability to feel for or with others, to understand their pain. You made a blanket statement that you don’t feel much sympathy for people with disabilities. That goes against everything we supposedly stand for, everything we are taught.

I felt it strongly for someone you cared about who was quite disabled at the time. I am surprised you don’t feel it for others.

This attack is unfair and I suspect you know it. She clearly has empathy/sympathy/compassion for the woman's "condidtion." What she, I and others have said is that while the woman has this condition, she is not helpless in the face of it. She is not unable to empower herself. And insisting that she "should not have to" is actually not compassionate at all. How is her life better being unnecessiarily humiliated and angry?