When to reveal your finances when dating. - Page 13

NativeJax · ‎01-27-2015

I see nowhere mentioned the child was out of wedlock nor anything about him being an underachiever?

I think if the daughter is uncomfortable with him asking she should flat out tell him. I am not ready to move into the next step in our relationship as I am concerned your focused on my finances. I am happy with the way things are for now, when I am ready to take it further then it will be time to discuss finances. I think it's better to be honest.

RainCityWoman · ‎06-16-2015

You are never under any obligation to reveal anything about your finances to anybody, a date, a friend, your family, etc. That's YOUR business and no one else's.

ROMARY · ‎04-28-2010

I'm guessing that many men do hire a P.I. (Especially the dads of the daughters). Just to make sure the boyfriend has 'good intentions'. And I do think that it is wise for a woman to find a man that has a fairly stable job, just in case they decide to have children. After all, pregnancy and giving birth and raising children is a lot of work. Sometimes the mom cannot physically work (earn money) during that pregnancy time. Slightly 'marrying up' can be wise in the long run.

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).

Plaid Pants2 · ‎03-14-2015

@ROMARY wrote:
I'm guessing that many men do hire a P.I. (Especially the dads of the daughters). Just to make sure the boyfriend has 'good intentions'. And I do think that it is wise for a woman to find a man that has a fairly stable job, just in case they decide to have children. After all, pregnancy and giving birth and raising children is a lot of work. Sometimes the mom cannot physically work (earn money) during that time. Slightly 'marrying up' can be wise in the long run.

That's assuming that she stays home.

More and more dads are opting to be stay-at-home dads, and they're the ones raising the kids.

NativeJax · ‎01-27-2015

I am done speculating on this couple. They sound doomed already. They both should cut bait and find better match for themselves. LOL

ROMARY · ‎04-28-2010

Yes! Stay-at-home dads sound good to me! That would be a win-win situation for many.

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).

ROMARY · ‎04-28-2010

Interesting topic and comments. 'All in all', if the boyfriend is 'always' asking about the O/P's daughter's finances, and the daughter has been relaying this info to her mom.........I'd say 'Be careful'. Just my intuition, right or wrong. And the best of luck to each of them and to all concerned.

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@NativeJax wrote:
I never look at children as baggage. Baggage is something you check in at the airport. I hope she dumps this guy so he can find someone who wouldn't look at the fact he has a child as a piece of luggage.

I agree. If I loved someone enough to be planning a future together, I would see his child as a wonderful bonus. And I can't imagine walking away from a relationship just because he has a child. A man having children would never be a deal-breaker for me.

I also question what "he has very little money" means. How much is very little? Compared to what? It's all a matter of perception. He may have less money than she does, but still be doing fine.

And I also agree with those who have speculated whether it's the mother who is concerned about this, or the daughter.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@KarenQVC wrote:
It is just the odds a young woman will marry a man who makes more than she. This guy could be a huge underachiever and an impulsive guy who had a child out of wedlock (how else do you explain it?). I just don't think they are a good match.

Plenty of women earn more money than their husbands do.

And you seem to be jumping to a lot of conclusions. There is nothing to suggest that he's an under-achiever, impulsive, or that the child was born out of wedlock.

Mrsq2022 · ‎03-10-2010

@NYC Susan wrote:
@NativeJax wrote:
I never look at children as baggage. Baggage is something you check in at the airport. I hope she dumps this guy so he can find someone who wouldn't look at the fact he has a child as a piece of luggage.

I agree. If I loved someone enough to be planning a future together, I would see his child as a wonderful bonus. And I can't imagine walking away from a relationship just because he has a child. A man having children would never be a deal-breaker for me.

I also question what "he has very little money" means. How much is very little? Compared to what? It's all a matter of perception. He may have less money than she does, but still be doing fine.

And I also agree with those who have speculated whether it's the mother who is concerned about this, or the daughter.

I agree and do not think of children as baggage. I think of an ex (the mother of the child in this example) as potential baggage depending on a lot of things. But not the child. I always get the feeling when people refer to "baggage" that they aren't talking about the child but the other parent of that child.

But I've heard of ex husbands and wives making life miserable for the new spouse when there is a child involved. A good friend of mine has a horrible ex, but they still need to communicate about school/parenting and transfer the kids to one another every week. That, in my opinion, is baggage and I think she'd be the first to admit that she brings baggage to any new relationship.