When to reveal your finances when dating. - Page 12

ROMARY · ‎04-28-2010

In General: 'Could be' that thirty, forty, fifty years ago people (specifically men) were much more honest, and were able to 'make it' on their own. Didn't necessarily need a new wife's money or assets to exist or to provide for their families. It is a possibility that things and people are different now-a-days. And of course, it depends on the area. In some areas, two salaries are 'a must', just to rent a small studio or apartment. Sometimes a young man will seek a girlfriend who has money and already has an apartment or house, and he'll 'move on in' for financial reasons. ( I see many women driving their boyfriends all around town these days. It's very common. Here, at least. )

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).

Plaid Pants2 · ‎03-14-2015

Wow. I can't believe what I'm reading.

Lie to the man, tell him that you are up to your eyeballs in debt.

Hire a p.i. to know every single little detail about him.

Anyone in debt is a looser.

Don't have a relationship with anyone who has a child.

Women can/should marry up, but a man should never do that.

Trust me, if someone posted that a MAN lied to his girlfriend about being up to his eyeballs in debt, as a "test", and that HE hired a p.i. to investigate her, people would be screaming that she should dump the louse.

But it's perfectly a-okay for a woman to do that?

Double standard, much?

itiswhatitis · ‎05-27-2016

@pitdakota wrote:
@Tinkrbl44 wrote:
@Snoopp wrote:

.
______________________________________________________

I don't think anyone has said he has to buy her a diamond ring before she divulges her specific finances. I said when they are seriously talking about becoming engaged. They can certainly talk about principles of how they manage money and what financial goals they might have but up until the point they are seriously talking about getting married I am of the opinion she is not obligated to fill him in on the details of her finances.

I assume from the OP that her daughter does well and may have a very nice nest egg tucked away. Maybe, maybe not. But talking about finances is different than her telling him specifics as to how much money she has in stock, bonds, bank accounts, saving accounts, annuities, or any other financial holdings she may have.

I do think he has a right to know that if and when they discuss the possibility of getting married. But from what I infer from the OP's post, that is not where they are right now.

THIS ^^^^^^^^^^

*Call Tyrone*

itiswhatitis · ‎05-27-2016

@terriebear wrote:
@LilyLu wrote:
She and I are the owners of the business. I just feel that until they plan on sharing the bills that her finances should not be of concern to him. I really don't think his concern is how much debt she has, I think his interest is more in how many assets she has.
@LilyLu

Since she is old enough to co-own a business with you, she is old enough to make her own decisions about when to share her life. This is not your concern at all. The fact that you co-own a business does not give you a say in when she shares that part of her life. If she comes to you for advice, give it, but it is only advice. The decision is hers. Why are you putting this on the forum? This is her decision, not yours!!

OP didn't say she'd be making the decision for daughter. The fact that they co-own a business together is pause for concern for the mother's stake in the business.

*Call Tyrone*

itiswhatitis · ‎05-27-2016

@ROMARY wrote:
Yes! As someone here recently posted: He might want to know how much more child support he will have to pay to his ex-wife if and when he marries O/P's daughter. Since she probably has a lot more money/assets than he does. And, to be sure, the ex wife will apply for an increase, without any doubt. .........'By gosh, I think we have it'.......

Yep, that was me. It is "State" specific though.

*Call Tyrone*

NativeJax · ‎01-27-2015

Plaid Pants2:

I am in total agreement! When the original post came out I thought they were newly dating but it sounds different after reading more.

My personal favorite is the "baggage" comment regarding his child. My son is 22, I was a single parent since he was 9 months old....I would never consider someone's child "baggage". Horrible description.

Having a blended family can have its share of difficulty but I know lots of blended families who are happy to join together and love each other's children.

I do realize we are getting limited information but it seems he should be the one running for the hills.

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@Plaid Pants2 wrote:
Wow. I can't believe what I'm reading.

Lie to the man, tell him that you are up to your eyeballs in debt.

Hire a p.i. to know every single little detail about him.

Anyone in debt is a looser.

Don't have a relationship with anyone who has a child.

Women can/should marry up, but a man should never do that.

Trust me, if someone posted that a MAN lied to his girlfriend about being up to his eyeballs in debt, as a "test", and that HE hired a p.i. to investigate her, people would be screaming that she should dump the louse.

But it's perfectly a-okay for a woman to do that?

Double standard, much?

@Plaid Pants2

Yeah .... a bit surprising.

MomCat · ‎09-12-2010

I agree with the comment that if she is questioning the timing of these questions to the point of feeling uncomfortable, she needs to follow her instinct and not share this info.

KarenQVC · ‎05-13-2010

It is just the odds a young woman will marry a man who makes more than she. This guy could be a huge underachiever and an impulsive guy who had a child out of wedlock (how else do you explain it?). I just don't think they are a good match.

Ms X · ‎09-13-2012

It seems to me that there are two levels of financial information involved: an understanding of how a person handles money and the actual dollar amounts of a person's wealth. The first category is part of whether people are compatible and so would be of concern if they decide to see each other exclusively. Is the person a saver? Does she overspend? I think a lot of this becomes obvious over time as you get to know people, particularly if they are on the extremes of the spending/saver continuum.

The info as to exactly what a person has in terms of savings, investments, and property is no one's business unless they are at least getting engaged. She shouldn't dismiss him out of hand if he has no money but she thinks he's otherwise responsible and compatible. Luckily, it sounds like she has you to help her look out for any red flags.