Community Chat

[DiAnne]

I don't even like to talk on cell phones let alone try to have a prolonged conversation on one.  I have a few friends who no longer have landlines and I seldom call them "just to chat".

[jannabelle1]

It's great that you've rediscovered each other but I'd be annoyed too. I'd do what one of the posters here suggested - when you can't hear her, or don't understand what she's said, just don't say anything...don't respond rather than asking "what?" Hopefully you can get through to her and suggest that she call you later when she has a few minutes to chat. Maybe the daily phone calls have become too routine.

[Teddie]

I can very much understand why you don’t like this. I wonder why your friend can’t or won’t sit down and just have a nice visit with you. 

I have certain people who talk to me as well with their speaker on and they’re going about their chores and often clanking and crashing around doing dishes—and their phone is like a microphone that just amplifies it all. I think it’s loud and sometimes I’ve tried nicely to let them know it really picks up every sound. Then next call it’s often the same thing. 

So I understand why you wouldn’t appreciate your friend doing that, especially with everything you’ve said. 

[LilacTree]

@dooBdoo 

I do think the stroke, which was very serious, as she was unconscious for three days and when she awoke, she did not recognize her kids, has something to do with this.  She has minimal physical limitations, but she is different in subtle ways.  She will not admit that, but I see it as I’ve known this woman all of my life.

I am taking everyone’s suggestions one by one to see what works.  And I appreciate them all.  

Thank you all so much.

[AuntG]

I'm in favor of shorter calls in which you say "I know you are busy and we'll talk again". No need to be terribly rude.

[YorkieonmyPillow]

  I actually do that myself because I hate talking on the phone.

[SouthernBee]

@LilacTree : No solution for this from me but I understand your pain and frustration. Let me share my experience with a friend. She always kept her cell phone on speaker phone. She called one time and I had no idea that she was in Walmart while we were talking. Another church friend, was in Walmart at the same time and heard her talking to me, she called my DH and he came in the room and told me what was going on and told me to tell friend to never do that again and terminate the call. She later emailed me and could not understand the problem! During the call- she was asking me questions about one of my medical problems. I told her, the trust was gone and would not communicate on the phone but emails only. She continued to relate this to several other people- they called me very upset explaining they told her she was wrong. She never called or emailed me again. Southern Bee 

[NYC Susan]

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@qbetzforreal wrote:

Keep the calls short.

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That's what I would do too.  I would explain to her that it's really an issue for me, I would like to enjoy our chats, and I realize she has other things she wants to be doing.

So I would suggest a compromise:  She talks to you without putting you on speaker but for a shorter length of time so she can then take care of whatever it is she needs to do.

Personally, I don't like it either. I sometimes find it difficult to hear, and, quite frankly, I would like to have the full attention of the person I'm speaking to since I'm giving them my full attention.  If someone needs to take care of something and asks if it's okay to put our call on speaker, I'm more inclined to agree because at least they've asked.  

I think your main point should be that you have difficulty hearing her, and you really want to hear what she has to say.  And you have to dig in your heels and mean it.  No need to be rude about it, of course.  Gentle, yet firm.  :-)

[NYC Susan]

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@sidsmom wrote:

Can we suggest meeting over coffee or dinner instead of calls?

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Just a guess, but I'm assuming that since they talk for long periods every day they probably don't live close enough to get together in person.

[GenXmuse]

That bugs me too. I’d rather speak for a shorter amount of time than feel like I’m just something to pass the time while she gets things done. My daughter at college is like that, always doing something else even going to the bathroom. All the while I feel like she’s speaking from outer space with how far away she sounds. I just keep it short and sweet. 

A headset set sounds like a good compromise too.