What kind of friend is this? - Page 6

alliswell · ‎07-12-2012

I think it's only human to feel upset, but, as others here have said, move on, knowing that you were doing what you felt in your heart to do.

Would you do it all again for your friend if you knew this would happen?

Be your own best friend and move on.

KingstonsMom · ‎03-09-2010

@Krimpette wrote:
Since it's bothering you, I think you should bring it up to her in a kind way, to clear the air for you.

@janinna

I agree with @Krimpette. There could be a number of scenarios as to why she didn't tell you beforehand of her vacay plans.

I know your feelings are hurt, but they may not be if you understood why.

I would get together with her for lunch, being your usual friendly self, ask her about her vacation and maybe say that "I was surprised to hear that you went on vacation, since you hadn't mentioned it!" and she may offer the reason she didn't say anything to you.

I truly don't think she had bad intentions by not telling you.

You obviously care a lot about this person and her friendship, to have helped her out so much during her treatment, which I admire you for.

A friendship that special should not just dissolve because of what may be a simple misunderstanding. You both deserve to at least discuss it.

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.

Deanie · ‎03-09-2010

@GingerPeach wrote:
When a person is ignored by someone she thought she knew, then it makes sense that she would feel hurt.

I don't think it has anything to do with wanting to go, or wanting to be a part of it, but just wanting to be informed. I'm not saying anyone has a "right" to be informed, but a friendship as close as that seemed to be, it seems natural to be "in the loop."

I think you nailed it. When one has been so involved with another person's life as a support, it would seem to follow that they would have been informed of the trip. I think people tend to judge behavior in others using their own "frame of reference" I know that I would have been flummoxed by the apparent "slight" Then, I would have to reevaluate the relationship based not on what I would have it be, but, on what it is. That would be a compartmentalized one. And, go from there.

Deanie · ‎03-09-2010

@Moretofollow wrote:
@september wrote:
@Moretofollow wrote:
@GingerPeach wrote:
I think too many here are skipping a step by telling the OP to get over it.
First, before getting over anything or being altruistic or whatever else, a person ought to be allowed to be unhappy about something, express her feelings, and deal with her feelings.

Only then will she (or anyone) be able to take a higher road, which is likely where she will go eventually. In the meantime, she might like a bit of a shoulder to lean on, keeping in mind the shoulder is just temporary.

I agree. So many rude comments to the OP expecting her to have a robotic reaction. She is entitled to her feelings and they are legitimate.
I did not see anyone saying anything rude. I saw people giving their opinions...honestly and respectfully.
I beg to differ. I saw quite a few cold hearted and ugly responses.

I agree.

Suziepeach · ‎03-10-2010

I had surgery & didn't tell anyone, not even my best friend. Three weeks after the surgery I sent her a pic of my foot... she was furious, her husband said I was the devil. Reason being, my husband and I are very private and don't tell anyone too much of anything.

I can certainly understand how OP feels, when you're side by side with someone going through cancer treatments & etc, that's a different kind of friendship- I know cause I did that with my husband. We couldn't shout loud enough to everyone when his treatments were finished and we went to Disney, hail we traveled during his treatments- everyone knew! OP, I'd very calmly ask about her vacation and if she had a good time but I'd have to mention I was disappointed you didn't know she was going, you were a huge part of her getting better. You are a dear friend & I know she appreciates each and every little thing you did for her- remember we don't know the circumstances about the whys of the vacation, maybe there was turmoil to begin with and she thought of it as a very private family matter and felt the need to try to do something. Thanks for everything you did for her, you earned a star in your crown for Heaven!!

Go VOLS
Rocky Top you'll always be home sweet home to me.. Good ole Rocky Top, Rocky Top Tennessee... Rocky Top Tennessee

akaburtonfan · ‎12-08-2013

@janinna wrote:
.... By the way the vacation was a bust. The girls got in a fight and some came home early. I felt bad she had to cut her vacation short.

At the risk of being called out for being mean, I have to say that based on your original post I find it a little hard to believe that you feel all that bad that the trip had to be cut short.

I don't really think that the info above needed to be added to the discussion.

I do understand your feeling disappointed that she hadn't told you about the trip before it happened or at least afterward since you were there for her in her time of need.

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

I am 60 years old, and have several close and very dear friends. My oldest, and dearest friendship has survived 55 years. We have supported each other thru illness, deaths of loved ones, depression, job and life drama. However, none of us are clingy, needy people; we are all quite capable of handling our issues on our own, but it is comforting to have a friend you can reach out to. We are all married with families, and have different interests.

I cannot imagine judging any of my friendships based on my friends decision to do something without telling me. We share only a small part of our lives with each other, and make many decisions without telling the other.

hckynut · ‎03-10-2010

@SuzieGarnet wrote:
I had surgery & didn't tell anyone, not even my best friend. Three weeks after the surgery I sent her a pic of my foot... she was furious, her husband said I was the devil. Reason being, my husband and I are very private and don't tell anyone too much of anything.

I can certainly understand how OP feels, when you're side by side with someone going through cancer treatments & etc, that's a different kind of friendship- I know cause I did that with my husband. We couldn't shout loud enough to everyone when his treatments were finished and we went to Disney, hail we traveled during his treatments- everyone knew! OP, I'd very calmly ask about her vacation and if she had a good time but I'd have to mention I was disappointed you didn't know she was going, you were a huge part of her getting better. You are a dear friend & I know she appreciates each and every little thing you did for her- remember we don't know the circumstances about the whys of the vacation, maybe there was turmoil to begin with and she thought of it as a very private family matter and felt the need to try to do something. Thanks for everything you did for her, you earned a star in your crown for Heaven!!

@Suziepeach

Since 2002 I have spent days that added up to weeks, one visit was over a month in the hospital. Heart Attacks/Lung Blood Clots(PE)/Aspiration Pneumonia/Bleeding Right Colon, and several other serious issues. From 2002 through 2011 I spent many Summer and early Fall days and weeks in the hospital.

How many friends did I tell? Zero, not a single one. Only my wife and my sisters were told about my pretty serious health issues. I felt no need for any my friends needing to know about my health issues. Were this during the Fall/Winter Hockey season? Most of my friends would have known because of the league I ran for 52 years.

The only ones helping me during those times were my wife and my sisters, other than the Medical Staff at the hospital. That is the way I wanted it and the way it transpired. My focus was on not dying and then working on regaining my health and physical fitness.

I did not feel I owed any of my friends an explanation, and during Hockey seasons they asked me "how was your summer"? Some I told, others I did not. Obviously I didn't feel I was wrong in my decisions, or I would not have done the same thing over a period of many years.

People are different in these things. Some feel/want everyone to know how sick they are, others like myself, want only direct family to know.

hckynut(john)

151949 · ‎03-09-2010

@GingerPeach wrote:
When a person is ignored by someone she thought she knew, then it makes sense that she would feel hurt.

I don't think it has anything to do with wanting to go, or wanting to be a part of it, but just wanting to be informed. I'm not saying anyone has a "right" to be informed, but a friendship as close as that seemed to be, it seems natural to be "in the loop."

If DH & I want to go on a vacation we certainly do not feel we have to call all our friends and clear it with them first. It really sounds to me like the OP is being way too possessive of her friend and needs to back off or she will soon no longer have her as a friend. Ever hear the term Smother love ? that can apply to friends too.

Reba055 · ‎06-23-2014

@Moretofollow wrote:
@janinna wrote:
A friend of mine recently went through cancer treatment. I was with her every step of the way. I spent a lot of time getting her through this. She has recovered very well. I used to hear from her daily. I didn't talk to her for a few days, then I saw on Facebook that she and her sister and daughter had gone to Florida for two weeks. She left and never said anything to me. I was quite shocked. She called when she got back and she acted like nothing had happened. I didn't bring up the subject because I guess I feel that she showed her true colors to me. My feelings toward her will never be the same. Am I wrong or should I have called her out on it? We have been friends a long time and I just can't believe she would do something like that to me. You think you know someone.
I guess that is her way of saying she no longer needs you. I wonder why her sister or her daughter didn't take her every step of the way through her cancer treatments as you did. I know it takes an emotional toll on the caregiver and I'm sure you would have loved a vacation as well. But, it wasn't meant to be so maybe you should take a vacation with your loved ones and just forget about it. If her cancer comes back you may not be up for the challenge any longer which is understandable and just say you are not in the caregiving business anymore.

This is how is comes across to me too. There are some people that will take advantage of a kind, compassionate friend. She's not a true friend. She knew OP would see it on FB. It was rude and inconsiderate.