Community Chat

[chickenbutt]

Your feelings are your feelings, so they matter.  If I were you and felt that way I would just ask if there was anything I had said or done to upset the friend.

IMO, however, they didn't do anything wrong.  But, that said, I am somebody who is extremely NOT clingy so I'm so far on the opposite end of having expectations of somebody that this wouldn't even register on my radar.

Do what you think is right, but it doesn't really look to me like any intent on her part to offend.  It just looks like she went on a short trip with her family.

Hope things work out.  I think they will.  

[Tinkrbl44]

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@SuzieGarnet wrote:

I had surgery & didn't tell anyone, not even my best friend.  Three weeks after the surgery I sent her a pic of my foot...  she was furious, her husband said I was the devil.  Reason being, my husband and I are very private and don't tell anyone too much of anything.  

I can certainly understand how OP feels, when you're side by side with someone going through cancer treatments & etc, that's a different kind of friendship- I know cause I did that with my husband.  We couldn't shout loud enough to everyone when his treatments were finished and we went to Disney, hail we traveled during his treatments- everyone knew!  OP, I'd very calmly ask about her vacation and if she had a good time but I'd have to mention I was disappointed you didn't know she was going, you were a huge part of her getting better. You are a dear friend & I know she appreciates each and every little thing you did for her- remember we don't know the circumstances about the whys of the vacation, maybe there was turmoil to begin with and she thought of it as a very private family matter and felt the need to try to do something.   Thanks for everything you did for her, you earned a star in your crown for Heaven!!  

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Her husband thought you were the DEVIL because you didn't tell them about your surgery?   That is the most bizarre thing I've ever seen on this board!   

It's only my opinion, but I think you need a new best friend.  Those people are crazy!

[hckynut]

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@Reba055 wrote:

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@Moretofollow wrote:

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@janinna wrote:

A friend of mine recently went through cancer treatment. I was with her every step of the way. I spent a lot of time getting her through this. She has recovered very well. I used to hear from her daily. I didn't talk to her for a few days, then I saw on Facebook that she and her sister and daughter had gone to Florida for two weeks. She left and never said anything to me. I was quite shocked. She called when she got back and she acted like nothing had happened. I didn't bring up the subject because I guess I feel that she showed her true colors to me. My feelings toward her will never be the same. Am I wrong or should I have called her out on it? We have been friends a long time and I just can't believe she would do something like that to me. You think you know someone.

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I guess that is her way of saying she no longer needs you.  I wonder why her sister or her daughter didn't take her every step of the way through her cancer treatments as you did.  I know it takes an emotional toll on the caregiver and I'm sure you would have loved a vacation as well.  But, it wasn't meant to be so maybe you should take a vacation with your loved ones and just forget about it.  If her cancer comes back you may not be up for the challenge any longer which is understandable and just say you are not in the caregiving business anymore.  

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This is how is comes across to me too. There are some people that will take advantage of a kind, compassionate friend. She's not a true friend. She knew OP would see it on FB.  It was rude and inconsiderate. 

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Really?  When a person thinks they could die, informing friends never enters their mind. After working to survive? If like myself, total focus is on regaining Physical and Mental Health and physical fitness, not what I should tell friends. For many the Mental aspect takes much longer than the physical healing of very serious illnesses.

hckynut(john)

[lulu2]

Given the circumstances the OP described, I would not be hurt or offended my friend hadn't called me and informed me of her trip.

 I cannot say the OP is wrong for feeling the way she does.  In her case she has 2 choices, either explain to her friend how she feels, or just drop it and go on with the friendship.  I'd choose the latter.

[Moonchilde]

People look at friendships, and friends, differently according to their personalities. What one person feels a close friend or "real friend" would or would not do is not what another feels, hence so many opinions here.

Hurt feelings happen when two people who are friends have fairly different personal definitions/feelings of what a close friendship is.  We can only know what the OP's version of this relationship is and how she sees it. How she sees it is valid to her, but the other person may have different thoughts. 

I am on the sensitive side as far as friendship, but many more than are, are not. Therein can lie a minefield of hurts and disappointments.

[Suziepeach]

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@Tinkrbl44 wrote:

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@SuzieGarnet wrote:

I had surgery & didn't tell anyone, not even my best friend.  Three weeks after the surgery I sent her a pic of my foot...  she was furious, her husband said I was the devil.  Reason being, my husband and I are very private and don't tell anyone too much of anything.  

I can certainly understand how OP feels, when you're side by side with someone going through cancer treatments & etc, that's a different kind of friendship- I know cause I did that with my husband.  We couldn't shout loud enough to everyone when his treatments were finished and we went to Disney, hail we traveled during his treatments- everyone knew!  OP, I'd very calmly ask about her vacation and if she had a good time but I'd have to mention I was disappointed you didn't know she was going, you were a huge part of her getting better. You are a dear friend & I know she appreciates each and every little thing you did for her- remember we don't know the circumstances about the whys of the vacation, maybe there was turmoil to begin with and she thought of it as a very private family matter and felt the need to try to do something.   Thanks for everything you did for her, you earned a star in your crown for Heaven!!  

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Her husband thought you were the DEVIL because you didn't tell them about your surgery?   That is the most bizarre thing I've ever seen on this board!   

It's only my opinion, but I think you need a new best friend.  Those people are crazy!

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@Tinkrbl44, yes he called me the devil- and oh by the way I do not lie or make things up- call it what you want but he said it to me when I called her.  Oh we aren't best friends any longer- I love her and wish her the best- but due to circumstances that shall remain private, I chose to back off.  Yep I'm the devil and she was furious with me.  I told my husband and he just laughed.  I mean I tried to splain it wasn't a big deal but that made the entire conversation worse.  So I gave up and stopped talking about...  

[Tinkrbl44]

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@SuzieGarnet wrote:

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@Tinkrbl44 wrote:

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@SuzieGarnet wrote:

I had surgery & didn't tell anyone, not even my best friend.  Three weeks after the surgery I sent her a pic of my foot...  she was furious, her husband said I was the devil.  Reason being, my husband and I are very private and don't tell anyone too much of anything.  

I can certainly understand how OP feels, when you're side by side with someone going through cancer treatments & etc, that's a different kind of friendship- I know cause I did that with my husband.  We couldn't shout loud enough to everyone when his treatments were finished and we went to Disney, hail we traveled during his treatments- everyone knew!  OP, I'd very calmly ask about her vacation and if she had a good time but I'd have to mention I was disappointed you didn't know she was going, you were a huge part of her getting better. You are a dear friend & I know she appreciates each and every little thing you did for her- remember we don't know the circumstances about the whys of the vacation, maybe there was turmoil to begin with and she thought of it as a very private family matter and felt the need to try to do something.   Thanks for everything you did for her, you earned a star in your crown for Heaven!!  

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Her husband thought you were the DEVIL because you didn't tell them about your surgery?   That is the most bizarre thing I've ever seen on this board!   

It's only my opinion, but I think you need a new best friend.  Those people are crazy!

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@Tinkrbl44, yes he called me the devil- and oh by the way I do not lie or make things up- call it what you want but he said it to me when I called her.  Oh we aren't best friends any longer- I love her and wish her the best- but due to circumstances that shall remain private, I chose to back off.  Yep I'm the devil and she was furious with me.  I told my husband and he just laughed.  I mean I tried to splain it wasn't a big deal but that made the entire conversation worse.  So I gave up and stopped talking about...  

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@Suziepeach

OMG ... how bizarre.   I didn't think you made this up, by the way.   In many instances, truth is stranger than fiction!

[Suziepeach]

@Tinkrbl44, I agree truth is stranger than fiction.  I still smile when I think about what he said.  That was one conversation I won't forget, LOL .  I had several other tests done I didn't tell them, LOL ..  

[RainyDayGal]

I get where the OP is coming from.

When you're in constant contact with someone, and you are helping them through something, you don't expect to go on the vacation but it would be nice if they let you know they're taking one.

I also thought I had very good friends for 25 years, and then I see things posted on their FB all the time that I didn't know about or wasn't included in.  Yes, it does hurt and it makes you wonder.  It's not like you expected to be with them 24/7 or invited to everything, but I do get what the OP is talking about.