Community Chat

[Trinity11]

Maybe she didn't want to rub it in that she was taking a vacation thinking it may appear that she was bragging?

I think since she has gone through a very difficult recovery that she may not even be feeling herself and forgot to tell you too. There are all different scenarios and she may just have a great deal on her mind.

You could always just tell her that you were surprised that she hadn't shared with you about the trip.. But it just isn't worth giving up a long friendship to allow yourself to drift from her. Clear the air. Good friends aren't always easy to find. Wish you luck in resolving this..

[september]

I truly hope a friend of mine wouldn't take it as a personal insult, if I were to take a trip with close family members. 

[GingerPeach]

When a person is ignored by someone she thought she knew, then it makes sense that she would feel hurt.

I don't think it has anything to do with wanting to go, or wanting to be a part of it, but just wanting to be informed.  I'm not saying anyone has a "right" to be informed, but a friendship as close as that seemed to be, it seems natural to be "in the loop."

[ROMARY]

Be very, very happy for her.  Maybe ask to see some of the photos of their trip the next time you see her.  Turn your negative into a positive.  Hey, isn't that a song?

[SurferWife]

@janinna...I'll be blunt. A giving heart gives without expecting anything in return. It sounds like she wanted to spend some time with her family. Get over yourself.

[kdgn]

My feeling is this: She's finished treatments, she's doing well and perhaps this was a way for her to show that she didn't need constant monitoring anymore. Or else she just plain didn't think to tell everyone that she was going away.

I do understand the hurt though. If you had tried getting in touch with her and there was no answer, the normal reaction would be to panic a little bit especially if she lives alone. 

[Goodie2shoes]

HappyDaze wrote :    I must be missing something- you are upset because your friend who just finished cancer treatment went on a little well-deserved getaway with her family without telling you before she left? If I am understanding you correctly, I guess I don't see the problem at all and think you are overreacting. If you helped her out of the goodness of your heart, you wouldn't feel she owes you anything in return and wouldn't be upset if she doesn't inform you of her every move. But perhaps your motives to help her weren't completely altruistic? 

I totally agree.  I think you should be happy for her that she got thru cancer and has recovered. Be grateful that you were able to be there for your friend, it could have been you. You should not feel she owes you, your blessing will come.  Cancer is a very scary illness, been there done that so get over it and move on with your friendship. You may need her one day.  

[ROMARY]

I found the song:  'Accentuate The Positive' by Johnny Mercer.  Several recording artists/versions.  Gee, I haven't thought of that song in ages (seriously, decades).  'Ac- cen- tu- ate- the positive, E- lim- i- nate the negative'...........(Now I'll be thinking of that song all night long, maybe even tomorrow....)   (Saying this in a nice way, no rudeness, etc. to the O/P or others here.  Just a song that I thought about, and it's now still in my mind.)

[Lovingq]

---

@janinna wrote:

A friend of mine recently went through cancer treatment. I was with her every step of the way. I spent a lot of time getting her through this. She has recovered very well. I used to hear from her daily. I didn't talk to her for a few days, then I saw on Facebook that she and her sister and daughter had gone to Florida for two weeks. She left and never said anything to me. I was quite shocked. She called when she got back and she acted like nothing had happened. I didn't bring up the subject because I guess I feel that she showed her true colors to me. My feelings toward her will never be the same. Am I wrong or should I have called her out on it? We have been friends a long time and I just can't believe she would do something like that to me. You think you know someone.

---

I guess that is her way of saying she no longer needs you.  I wonder why her sister or her daughter didn't take her every step of the way through her cancer treatments as you did.  I know it takes an emotional toll on the caregiver and I'm sure you would have loved a vacation as well.  But, it wasn't meant to be so maybe you should take a vacation with your loved ones and just forget about it.  If her cancer comes back you may not be up for the challenge any longer which is understandable and just say you are not in the caregiving business anymore.  

[GingerPeach]

I think too many here are skipping a step by telling the OP to get over it. 

First, before getting over anything or being altruistic or whatever else, a person ought to be allowed to be unhappy about something, express her feelings, and deal with her feelings.

Only then will she (or anyone) be able to take a higher road, which is likely where she will go eventually.  In the meantime, she might like a bit of a shoulder to lean on, keeping in mind the shoulder is just temporary.