Re: What is your meaning of kindness?

cecesnana · ‎07-12-2013

From the thread I started in April in Among Friends:

"Developing a Kinder Perspective

1 Care for others genuinely.

At its most basic, kindness is about caring genuinely for others around you, wanting the best for them, and recognizing in them the same wants, needs, aspirations, and even fears that you have too. Kindness is warm, resilient, patient, trusting, loyal, and grateful.[1] Piero Ferrucci sees kindness as being about "making less effort" because it frees us from getting knotted up in negative attitudes and feelings such as resentment, jealousy, suspicion, and manipulation.[2] Ultimately, kindness is deep caring for all beings.

2 Don't be kind for the sake of getting what you want.

Beware of deluded kindness. Kindness is not about "self-interested politeness, calculated generosity, superficial etiquette".[3] Simply being nice to other people because you believe that this will manipulate them into giving you what you want in life, or as a means of controlling them, is not kindness. Nor is kindness about pretending to care for someone all the while repressing anger or contempt; hiding our rage or frustration behind false pleasantries is not kindness.

3 Be kind to yourself.

Many people make the error of trying to be kind to others while at the same time not focusing on being kind to themselves. Some of this can stem from not liking aspects of yourself, but more often than not, it's sourced in the inability to know yourself better. And unfortunately, when you don't feel rock solid within yourself, your kindness to others risks falling into the deluded types of kindness described in the previous step. Or, it can lead to burn-out and disillusionment because you've put everyone else first.

4 Learn kindness from others.

Think about the truly kind people in your life and how they make you feel. Do you carry their warm glow around in your heart every time you think of them? It is likely that you do because kindness lingers, warming you even when the hardest challenges face you. When other people find a way to love you for who you are, it's impossible to forget such trust and confirmation of worthiness, and their kindness lives on forever.

5 Cultivate kindness for the good of your own health.

Improved psychological health and happiness comes from thinking more positively, and kindness is a positive mental state. While kindness is about giving and being open to others, giving kindness returns a sense of well-being and connection to us that improves our own mental state and health.

6 Make a habit of focusing on kindness.

Leo Babauta says that kindness is a habit and is one that everyone can cultivate. He suggests focusing on kindness every day for a month. At the end of this directed focus, you'll be aware of profound changes in your life, you'll feel better about yourself as a person, and you'll find that people react to you differently, including treating you better. As he says, in the long run, being kind is karma in practice.[6]

7 Be kind to everyone, not just people "in need".

Expand your circle of kindness. It can be very easy to be kind when we're unconsciously doing what Stephanie Dowrick terms "patronizing kindness".[8] This refers to kindness given to those people we feel are truly in need (the sick, the poor, the vulnerable, and those who align with our own ideals). Being kind to people close to us, emotionally (like family or friends) or in other ways (from the same country, of the same color, gender etc.), is also easier than being kind to those the philosopher Hegel called "the other". It can be more difficult to be kind to people we may consider our equals, but it will be worth it.

8 Minimize judgment.

If you really want to be kind, then you have to kick your judgment to the curb. Instead of spending your time being critical of other people, work on being positive and compassionate. If you tend to think poorly of others, wish other people could step up their game, or feel like the people around you are needy or clueless, then you'll never learn true kindness. Stop judging people and realize that you'll never fully understand where they're coming from unless you walk a day in their shoes. Focus on wanting to help others instead of judging them for not being better than they are."

❤️💙💚A Kindness Perspective -

http://community.qvc.com/t5/Among-Friends/%EF%B8%8F-A-Kindness-Perspective/td-p/2717461

.....

QVCkitty1 · ‎05-23-2015

You can parse this whole subject to death, but to me I will defend a poster who I feel is being ganged up on, to the point that the original subject is ignored, so that everyone can make their point. This isn't freaking middle school or the school yard, and there is nothing wrong with just agreeing to disagree.

" You are entitled to your opinion. But you are not entitled to your own facts."
Daniel Patrick Moynihan

151949 · ‎03-09-2010

@mstyrion 1 wrote:
Disagreement can be kind or unkind. It all depends on the words and tone used.

I think you know the difference.

How do you hear tone in a written word????

mstyrion 1 · ‎09-18-2014

@151949 wrote:
@mstyrion 1 wrote:
Disagreement can be kind or unkind. It all depends on the words and tone used.

I think you know the difference.
How do you hear tone in a written word????

____________________________________________________________

Have you never heard of perception of tone in the written word?

Tone in writing is the attitude being conveyed. Used in this sense it has nothing to do with hearing.

~Enough is enough~

Lipstickdiva · ‎03-10-2010

@151949, you stated in your post above "Maybe your opinion is incorrect."

An opinion cannot be incorrect. It's one's opinion.

libbyannE · ‎10-27-2010

@151949 wrote:
So often on this board posters will say someone is "unkind" or mean , nasty, snarky etc etc - whatever they can think up - just because someone disagrees with their point of view. That is certainly an incorrect usage of the word kind or kindness IMO. You may say you are being disagreeable but why is it unkind to disagree with your opinion? Maybe your opinion is incorrect. So I'm interested to hear how people define the word kind or kindness. It seems the definition is subjective.

In the context of your question, kindness is about respect. You respect where someone else is coming from and perhaps you disagree. You confine your comments to facts and do not make it personal. You build on or honor someone's idea -- "I see what you are saying..." "It's interesting to hear another point of view...." "We disagree but I respect your concern...."--and then perhaps say you feel differently and why. Respect! We all fail at times in life, but that is the goal.

momtochloe · ‎11-03-2013

@libbyannE wrote:
@151949 wrote:
So often on this board posters will say someone is "unkind" or mean , nasty, snarky etc etc - whatever they can think up - just because someone disagrees with their point of view. That is certainly an incorrect usage of the word kind or kindness IMO. You may say you are being disagreeable but why is it unkind to disagree with your opinion? Maybe your opinion is incorrect. So I'm interested to hear how people define the word kind or kindness. It seems the definition is subjective.
In the context of your question, kindness is about respect. You respect where someone else is coming from and perhaps you disagree. You confine your comments to facts and do not make it personal. You build on or honor someone's idea -- "I see what you are saying..." "It's interesting to hear another point of view...." "We disagree but I respect your concern...."--and then perhaps say you feel differently and why. Respect! We all fail at times in life, but that is the goal.

Great post @libbyannE, very well said!

hckynut · ‎03-10-2010

My mom taught me at a very young age:

"Treat every person the same way you wish to be treated"

That was a strong message that I always carry with me.

hckynut(john)

QueenDanceALot · ‎04-18-2013

@mstyrion 1 wrote:
@151949 wrote:
@mstyrion 1 wrote:
Disagreement can be kind or unkind. It all depends on the words and tone used.

I think you know the difference.
How do you hear tone in a written word????
____________________________________________________________
Have you never heard of perception of tone in the written word?
Tone in writing is the attitude being conveyed. Used in this sense it has nothing to do with hearing.

Good writers do it all the time!