Community Chat

[Ms X]

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@Brinklii wrote:

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@Ms X wrote:

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@!FitChick! wrote:

That things will not make me happy.  I have cheated myself out of self-sufficiency and have brought on a lot of anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts because I didn't/couldn't get my financial act together.  I am trying to dig out of my financial hole now, but I see people half my age experiencing a sense of pride and accomplishment on buying their first home and living within their means and having fun, meaningful experiences.  I pray I live long enough so that that can be me.  

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Stick with your plan and things will steadily get better!  Concentrate on what you're doing step by step to fix things.  What was that saying about you eat an elephant one bite at a time?

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@Ms X ,,, You might want to consider a free consultation with a bankruptcy lawyer. If your situation is that dire, then perhaps it is the way to go. I know someone who did this recently after her husband died. She feels such a relief!

The bankruptcy laws will get all your creditors off your back and give you a fresh start. My SIL is a lawyer. He said that you would not believe all the people who use this law. It is designed so that people cannot abuse it...e.g. cannot go out and buy a lot of expensive things, take vacations, etc. and then file bankruptcy. If the weight you are carrying around is really bogging you down emotionally and financially, please consider it. No one would blame you. Best of luck!

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Thanks for the advice, but that is not my post.  This is my post in the portion you excerpted: 

"Stick with your plan and things will steadily get better!  Concentrate on what you're doing step by step to fix things.  What was that saying about you eat an elephant one bite at a time?"

[Yardlie]

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@Ms X wrote:

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@Brinklii wrote:

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@Ms X wrote:

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@!FitChick! wrote:

That things will not make me happy.  I have cheated myself out of self-sufficiency and have brought on a lot of anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts because I didn't/couldn't get my financial act together.  I am trying to dig out of my financial hole now, but I see people half my age experiencing a sense of pride and accomplishment on buying their first home and living within their means and having fun, meaningful experiences.  I pray I live long enough so that that can be me.  

_______

Stick with your plan and things will steadily get better!  Concentrate on what you're doing step by step to fix things.  What was that saying about you eat an elephant one bite at a time?

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@Ms X ,,, You might want to consider a free consultation with a bankruptcy lawyer. If your situation is that dire, then perhaps it is the way to go. I know someone who did this recently after her husband died. She feels such a relief!

The bankruptcy laws will get all your creditors off your back and give you a fresh start. My SIL is a lawyer. He said that you would not believe all the people who use this law. It is designed so that people cannot abuse it...e.g. cannot go out and buy a lot of expensive things, take vacations, etc. and then file bankruptcy. If the weight you are carrying around is really bogging you down emotionally and financially, please consider it. No one would blame you. Best of luck!

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Thanks for the advice, but that is not my post.  This is my post in the portion you excerpted: 

"Stick with your plan and things will steadily get better!  Concentrate on what you're doing step by step to fix things.  What was that saying about you eat an elephant one bite at a time?"

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Ms X ... So sorry...I guess it was FitChick! who posted that. Sometimes it it hard to tell when the post falls within the gray vertical line. I usually try to post below those lines.

[LilacTree]

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@Brinklii wrote:

OK...I know we have all learned lots of lessons, but what has been the most difficult lesson for you to get out of life?

Mine has been that it is OK to be average. I have always been a perfectionist...which can drive you crazy...as well as other people. I know that I became this way because of my mother's criticisms while I was growing up. So, I have always been an over-achiever, a perfectionist, etc. It has taken me years to learn that it is perfectly acceptable to be average...and, in fact, it is nice to be in the middle of the pack. I don't like being the center of attention anyway. I still struggle at times with being a perfectionist, but it is easier now that I am retired.

Care to share? What's been the hardest lesson for you to learn?

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@Brinkii 

The one my dear mother tried to get into my head for so long:

"If you like people, they will like you."

I was very shy as a child and young teen.  It took me into my late teens and early twenties to learn that simple lesson.  In the meantime, I had no friends and it was all my fault.

[Ibby114]

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@Ms X wrote:

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@!FitChick! wrote:

That things will not make me happy.  I have cheated myself out of self-sufficiency and have brought on a lot of anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts because I didn't/couldn't get my financial act together.  I am trying to dig out of my financial hole now, but I see people half my age experiencing a sense of pride and accomplishment on buying their first home and living within their means and having fun, meaningful experiences.  I pray I live long enough so that that can be me.  

_______

Stick with your plan and things will steadily get better!  Concentrate on what you're doing step by step to fix things.  What was that saying about you eat an elephant one bite at a time?

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Focus on taking  one day at a time !!!  All the 'what if's' and questioning my gut would bring on my stresses--  staying in the now got the monkey off my back. 

[!FitChick!]

Thank you for relpying.  I have refinanced my car to a lower interest rate, and am ticking away at the debt. I have also switched to a lower cost but still full coverage insurance company.  i made the bills, i will pay them- just not at 25% interest!

[Yardlie]

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@!FitChick! wrote:

Thank you for relpying.  I have refinanced my car to a lower interest rate, and am ticking away at the debt. I have also switched to a lower cost but still full coverage insurance company.  i made the bills, i will pay them- just not at 25% interest!

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@@!FitChick!  ...   If your interest rates are high, there are nonprofit places that will consolidate your loans and negotiate lower interest rates for you. I have a friend who had to do this. She paid it all off now, but she said it was better than filing bankruptcy. Best of luck to you.         

[Bayside]

Patience.  Forgiveness.

[Ibby114]

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@Bayside wrote:

Patience.  Forgiveness.

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I forgive others before I forgive myself, that's one thing I need to work on. We're all a work in progress!

[Moonchilde]

@!FitChick!, there are worse things than declaring bankruptcy. It's not the horrible black cloud it's often made out to be. I would say that if paying off your bills and staying current is fairly severely depressing and frightening you, look into it. A reputable bankruptcy attorney will tell you if it's not for your situation.

Your credit isn't affected as severely as people might think. Yes, it's on your record for seven years - but seven years isn't forever. You will be able to get a credit card, from reputable financial institutions, right after your judgment, with small fees/reasonable restrictions - for times it's mandatory to have a CC - car rental, hotel room, etc.

You would find every car dealership in six counties offering you a new car. My credit score today is almost 800. The only echo of my bankruptcy is the way I spend money today vs. how I spent it then - differently!

[Imadickens]

I had to check to make sure you weren't my daughter writing this!😉 My dd is a beautiful, brilliant, kind, caring perfectionist...in most things. 🙄

From birth she excelled at everything mental, not so much physical. She was a well-known klutz (still is!). She has always been loved unconditionally and knows it. SHE is the one who put the pressure on herself, not me. She did fine without stressing, but that wasn't good enough for her. Now she is nearing middle age and she blames ME for putting her down all the time! Truth? I saw what was causing her pain and tried to help her. Like when she applied for a job I would suggest she get her hair done, buy her new clothes, etc. She has always had trouble getting along with peers who saw her as teacher or boss's pet! So, when she'd go out looking unkempt, I'd call her out on it, explaining our small town is full of future bosses who might see her looking like she rolled out of bed at a community brunch! It made no impression on her and only widened the rift between us. She refuses to see I tried to help her be who she wanted to be.

So, I guess my hardest lesson to learn is that my intentions, no matter how good or full of love, only made things worse. I had to learn to stop trying to help her achieve her dreams. That is something one can only do for one's self! It's still very hard, but I keep my thoughts to myself.

off topic a bit...I know my "criticism" of my dd truly came from a place of love, and I never dreamt she would think I was criticizing her! I hope you aren't still feeling badly about your mother's criticism ! Could it have been misguided "love" like mine was?