Re: What To Gift At A Wedding

buyornot · ‎03-10-2010

@AZfem wrote:
How are people supposed to know the per plate cost? Call the venue? What if it's a buffet or backyard casual or beach wedding?

Give what you can afford & want to based on relationship with the couple.

If people want to spend a fortune for a wedding, that's their decision, their party, their choice. Not mine. Why should I subsidize someone's party? Not my circus or choice.

Just assume $100/meal-that gift while not extra, will always be appreciated. More, if you have it-it's a great party and a blessing to be invited!

buyornot · ‎03-10-2010

@jannabelle1 wrote:
I'm in the Midwest, and $50 to $100 would be closer to the average here. $500 would be for grandparents or parents to give. As for covering the cost of a meal, that's not common at all - in fact, I've never heard of doing that! I guess you go with what you can afford and how close the couple is to you.

Well, it's not a rule, but a nice rule of thumb-it's appreciated.

buyornot · ‎03-10-2010

@AZfem wrote:
@Jessie913 How do guests KNOW the cost per plate? Do couples advertise it, do the mothers call everyone up & make sure guests know the cost, do couples put it on their invitations? Does everyone know what every venue charges for every type of food? This is so bizarre. How do guests know this? It would never occur to me to find this out or care. Your throwing the party, you pay for it. If you can't afford it, scale down. Big extravaganzas are not a requirement to get married.

It's just something that I'm aware of...I don't call or ask anyone...

manny2 · ‎05-24-2010

@Jessie913 wrote:
@50Mickey wrote:
Where I'm from in the South expecting guests to "cover the cost of their meal" would be considered extremely lacking in taste and manners. One does not throw an elaborate reception bragging about the meal, the cocktails and venue and then expect guests to help pay for the cost. From reading the responses it sounds like this is a regional thing and has been going on for years in some parts of the country.

You're blowing it way out of proportion. Its not an expectation to most maybe to a select few but not in my circle. And who's bragging? If you dont want to go than dont go

I agree with you @Jessie913 If you don’t want to give an appropriate gift then don’t go. It has always been customary to pay for the plate, and then add in the gift.

If you don’t do that you can bet when and if you invite those same people to a wedding, they will be happy to give the same amount. That’s how it works, like it or not.

50Mickey · ‎05-21-2010

@manny2 When my daughter was married her dad paid for the reception. We had the use of the entire country club for the evening. It was a lovely reception nice food and drinks and a band for dancing. At no time did we ever expect the guests to pay for their plate. My daughter was happy and grateful for the presents that she received and thank you notes were written and sent promptly.

When I read some of these posts I am shocked at the thinking that guests should help pay for the cost of the wedding reception. I stand by my belief that this is beyond tacky. Thankfully this is not something done in my circle of friends or family. In fact to even bring up or discuss the cost of a reception is frowned upon.

manny2 · ‎05-24-2010

@50Mickey wrote:
@manny2 When my daughter was married her dad paid for the reception. We had the use of the entire country club for the evening. It was a lovely reception nice food and drinks and a band for dancing. At no time did we ever expect the guests to pay for their plate. My daughter was happy and grateful for the presents that she received and thank you notes were written and sent promptly.

When I read some of these posts I am shocked at the thinking that guests should help pay for the cost of the wedding reception. I stand by my belief that this is beyond tacky. Thankfully this is not something done in my circle of friends or family. In fact to even bring up or discuss the cost of a reception is frowned upon.

A lot of you are missing the point. It is customary here to know that is what you do. It is unspoken. Nobody says you must pay for the plate. Don’t forget if you bring a plus one you pay for that plate too.

You cover the cost and add a monetary gift on top of that. Very simple. You don’t have to do it. Like I said, people keep track. So, when you invite them to a wedding, you can bet they will reciprocate.

50Mickey · ‎05-21-2010

@manny2 It may be customary where you live but from many posts here it is not customary everywhere. And it is not where I live. If that is the way some value their friends and family based on the monetary amount of a gift that's OK with me. I'm happy to live in an area where this is not done.

donovan · ‎03-10-2010

@manny2 wrote:
@50Mickey wrote:
@manny2 When my daughter was married her dad paid for the reception. We had the use of the entire country club for the evening. It was a lovely reception nice food and drinks and a band for dancing. At no time did we ever expect the guests to pay for their plate. My daughter was happy and grateful for the presents that she received and thank you notes were written and sent promptly.

When I read some of these posts I am shocked at the thinking that guests should help pay for the cost of the wedding reception. I stand by my belief that this is beyond tacky. Thankfully this is not something done in my circle of friends or family. In fact to even bring up or discuss the cost of a reception is frowned upon.
A lot of you are missing the point. It is customary here to know that is what you do. It is unspoken. Nobody says you must pay for the plate. Don’t forget if you bring a plus one you pay for that plate too.

You cover the cost and add a monetary gift on top of that. Very simple. You don’t have to do it. Like I said, people keep track. So, when you invite them to a wedding, you can bet they will reciprocate.

This facinates me.

If my husband and I are attending a wedding, I'm supposed to know how much 'the plate' is costing the bride and groom? I'm not sure how I'm supposed to have that information. Should it only cover food or are drinks/dj/cake/event rental etc also factors in determining the amount?

And I should double that (because 2 are attending) and then add more money on top of that?

So round numbers here: 'the plate' is $100.00 so I should double that to $200.00 and then how much more should I add for 'the gift'?

I usually gift according to my relationship with the people getting married. Close friends and family get more than others.

teganslaw · ‎03-11-2010

@manny2 It is not customary here, maybe only in your area. I don't believe in "guests covering the plate." Etiquette says that it isn't a normal custom, only in some areas and probably in some peoples' minds. I have no idea where that idea came from, but it sounds a bit arrogant and greedy to me.

I give according to finances and relationship to the couple.

"The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog."

Mark Twain

Alsace Gal · ‎11-25-2014

I married in the early 70's and have a different experience from todays brides and grooms.

I grew up extremely poor, our mother supported us by herself, no welfare, etc.

When I married I was very conscious of what costs would be for my wedding and for those I loved and dearly wanted to share our special day.
My husband made good money and I made minimum wage.

We decided to have a surprise wedding, only mom and my dear sister knew in advance and promised not share with anyone.

We reserved a special dining room at a French restaurant in Los Gatos, CA.

It was a sit down dinner with four choices of entrees. We had appetizers, salads, fine wine, no hard alcohol and of course our wedding cake.

We had 38 guests and our cost was under three thousand which included tips.

I decorated the tables and made the favors which included Godiva chocolate.

'We were adults and when we decided to marry we also decided and didn't expect anyone to pay for dinner. We also decided as adults we could furnish our own home.

'I understand one can't have a wedding as we did for under 4K.
I believe many of those getting married today have been brought up given most everything they want through their childhood and expect to continue that life style.

Multiple wedding showers, bridal parties, oh my.

'Gifts for 100-500? No.
Besides my own wedding, the best one I went to was three years ago, in a modest church and the reception was in the parents back yard, a band and barbecue. Very modest, but so much fun.