Community Chat

[LizzieInSRQ]

@Trinity11 ...you must be so proud of your son's character and work ethic. Congrats!

[Rockycoast]

No. You do not give a gift with covering the meal and drinks in mind. Nonsense. That is the bride and groom’s responsibility or parents if so inclined. You give a gift that you can afford. Whether it is family or not. No reason to go into debt for the wedding couple. We give family $200. Others less.

[chrystaltree]

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@AZfem wrote:

How are people supposed to know the per plate cost?  Call the venue?  What if it's a buffet or backyard casual or beach wedding? 

Give what you can afford & want to based on relationship with the couple.

If people want to spend a fortune for a wedding, that's their decision, their party, their choice. Not mine. Why should I subsidize someone's party?  Not my circus or choice.

You aren't supposed to factor the estimated cost of the meal into your gift. That's ridiculous.  Perhaps people did that back in the olden days but I'm 63 and I never heard of it.  

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[Trinity11]

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@LizzieInSRQ wrote:

@Trinity11 ...you must be so proud of your son's character and work ethic. Congrats!

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@LizzieInSRQ thank you. He is a really wonderful son. I am blessed.

[Janey2]

@Jordan2  Agree with the amount for gifts. If we are close to the family we give more. When my children got married those were the average amounts for gifts that was given. 

[Stray]

@Jordan2 - I live in NNJ & your amount is appropriate & I do the same.

[beach-mom]

I REALLY dislike the "pay for your plate" order the younger generation seems to parrot. I've heard DD and her friends discuss this so much using those exact words. I think it's ridiculous, and I refuse to "pay for my plate"! 

We used to give $50 to the couple when we knew them (friends, friends' children, friends of my children) and $100 to a couple when the bride or groom is a relative. We've upped that to $100 for friends and $200 for family.

I try to use the registry if I can, but if I see another gift I think is perfect for the couple I will buy that. 

We have bought "lunch" for the couple on their honeymoon. I just hope they toast us before. I just hope they KNOW who gave it to them.

Another thing we do now if we give a card and a check: A wedding venue near us made the news a while back because one of the staff got into the "birdcage" and took the checks. I will try to hand it directly to the bride or a family member BEFORE the wedding. 

If we are invited to an engagement party we don't take a gift. We do take or send gifts to showers. 

We have been to wedding receptions that have homemade food, or barbecues,  and we have been to receptions that have had elaborate cocktail hours (while the pictures are being taken) followed by filet mignon or lobster dinners. They are all special!

[BunSnoop]

We live in the Midwest.  We usually give about $300 to the couple as a wedding gift and about $100 for a bridal shower gift.

[speedy girl]

It's nice to get them something off their registry, as that way they will have something nice to remember what you got them and you can spend whatever you are comfortable with.  Money is my last choice for a gift  as to me it seems impersonal. But that's just me, I enjoy picking out a gift and you can usually have it sent to them right off the register. 

[kate2357]

I have never even heard the "cover your plate" phrase before and have never given/spent more than $100 on a wedding gift, except for family and very close friends.

I am happy I had sons and that they both married women who did not want big, fancy weddings. Their bridal registry items were all items at less than $100 and many were below $50. Both of my dils come from affluent families, but they didn't want their parents to spend tons of money on a fancy affair. 

I don't understand the thought process behind having a very expensive wedding AND the expectation your invited  guests should help offset the cost of YOUR big expensive wedding.