Here's my very long rant on some thoughts that just came to mind on the topic. (Apologies for the length -- this is a subject that's important to me, and it's complex.)
It seems to me that a number of factors are in play...
-- "The Social Dilemma" is a good, thought-provoking documentary. I think the blessing of all the information around us on the internet also comes with a curse of a dangerous pitfall which encloses us in a cocoon, a bubble, of only one narrow perspective and without even realizing it we miss out on the complete story on just about any topic.
We get a very narrow view, and might not even know this.
In school, we used to be taught to debate both sides of an issue, and I think we learn so much from that -- being shielded from other views is dangerous, and we might not even be aware it's happening to us.
And then, we use confirmation bias to seek out sources to substantiate only the one view, and we fail to learn.
With that incredible, valuable resource out there, the world wide web of information, we fail to learn.
-- In a society that glorifies, gives high fives to, an abrasive "tell it like it is" and "brutally honest" style, and mocks those who are "nice" or who promote kindness (with an underlying and inaccurate sentiment that kindness denotes weakness), our conversations seem to be more harsh and cutting (sarcasm is a problem, too, unfortunately glorified, a word and style with barbs that can cause us to wince for a good reason, with the etymology "to tear flesh" or "speak bitterly").
-- As @Drythe wisely said, we attack the other person instead of attacking the topic. If we really wanted someone to hear and understand us, why would we insult them? Why not step back, remember we're all human beings with feelings, perhaps carrying a burden of worries and pain we've not made public, and extend a wee bit more grace to our fellow earth travelers?
-- We seem to be quick to hold onto grudges, failing to work out differences or to cultivate forgiveness and understanding, thus carrying forward and allowing hard feelings to fester and grow.
-- We've lost this: "I never thought of it that way, I might not agree with it but I'll take some time to think about your perspective."
When was the last time you heard (or read) someone say that, or when have you said that?
I think we spend too much time stuck, stagnant, moribund in our own opinions to listen and really value the "other side" of issues.
-- We also seem to be more angry, negative, combative, more likely to complain and complain and complain, dwelling in that dark cave and sowing corrosive seeds of a bitter crop instead of dwelling in gratitude and focusing on even the simplest of abundance and smallest blessings in our lives.
-- I see a lot of "right fighting" from time to time.
I used to do that, here on the forums and elsewhere.
Then I realized when we put forth our views we don't have to keep repeating them, defending, trying to change others' minds... we can just offer our thoughts and then see what others think, and we can leave the discussion as friends even if we disagree.
-- It used to be said that we have 2 ears and one mouth because we should listen more and speak less... as online entities, we add 2 hands to the 1 mouth and we think we need to listen even less and broadcast every unfiltered thought more.
-- We point out and advise others about their faults, tell others to be more respectful, yet we spend too little time pointing fingers at ourselves and looking in that self-awareness mirror, taking responsibility for the energy we bring to the space. We might need to take our own advice.😉😊
Sometimes, we are the problem -- sometimes I am the problem.
It's important for everyone in a conversation to be allowed to walk away with their dignity intact. I think it's possible, especially if we keep that goal in mind.
(I say "we" because I hold myself accountable for all of these things, too, and as a result I've been concentrating on listening and reading more, giving more weight and thought to the views of others, and talking/writing less. Also, the important disclaimer is that this is my current thinking, it's "just my own personal observation," and I understand others will not agree with me.)
Thanks for this interesting thread, @jubilant! Happy Spring, everyone! Be safe and well, and my good wishes to all who read and post here.🌻
Few things reveal your intellect and your generosity of spirit—the parallel powers of your heart and mind—better than how you give feedback.~Maria Popova
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