Re: Weigh In On This

Imaoldhippie · ‎06-10-2015

@Jordan2 ..............Your brother-in-law has the classic signs of an abuser and he is narcissistic. Your sister must comply with his demands or suffer the consequences. Both the abuser and narcissist's must be in control at all times. He is afraid you will be making plans to get your sister out of that situation. In other words he is afraid of you and that you will destroy his world.

This of course is just my dime store take on the situation.

LIFE IS TO SHORT TOO FOLD FITTED SHEETS

Grade1Teach · ‎03-09-2010

I agree with others on here -- It sounds like she has no choice other than to put you on speaker when he is around. The clue was when she said there will be times when she can't call you. It sounds like she is saying she can't call you when he's around.

If he is verbally abusive to you, don't you think he's like that with your sister too? He wants to know everything that's going on with your sister. Maybe he demands that of all of her phone calls and not just yours. Either way, if there is bad blood between you, he wants to know what she's being said when she's talking to you. It sounds like she's under orders to do so.

I would NOT stop speaking to her over this. If he is being controlling of her, it's not her fault. It sounds like she wants to talk to you. I know it's uncomfortable for you to have him listening in on your phone calls, but maybe your sister needs that connection with you. Don't be too quick to give that up.

Obviously I have no idea what is truly going on and it could be that your sister is just being stubborn about the whole thing, but I'm really not so sure it's that simple.

ID2 · ‎06-25-2012

I always use the speaker when talking on my cell phone.

"Pure Michigan"

qualitygal · ‎10-04-2010

Feeling is that he is a control freak, and wants total control over her. I'd ease off and let her contact you, when she can. He may be fearing losing control over her. If he's layed hands on you, can't imagine what he's done to her. Just a feeling I have.

Deree · ‎06-30-2018

There must be enough times that your sister's husband isn't right next to her. Have you asked your sister to call you when she's alone, maybe out of the house? That would seem to be a simple solution.

Wear a mask. Social distance. Be part of the solution - not part of the problem.

faeriemoon · ‎03-14-2010

The crux of the matter is you don't want to be on speaker phone when her husband is around, and she refuses to abide by your wishes. This would irritate me so I would be disinclined to discuss much more than the weather with her.

I always ask if it's ok to put someone on speaker phone if I am not alone, and I expect to be asked permission from someone who is calling me if they are not alone.

If I'm in the car I always announce "I'm in the car and _____ is with me."

~What a terrible era in which idiots govern the blind.~ William Shakespeare

hckynutjohn · ‎06-15-2015

@Imaoldhippie wrote:
@Jordan2 ..............Your brother-in-law has the classic signs of an abuser and he is narcissistic. Your sister must comply with his demands or suffer the consequences. Both the abuser and narcissist's must be in control at all times. He is afraid you will be making plans to get your sister out of that situation. In other words he is afraid of you and that you will destroy his world.

This of course is just my dime store take on the situation.

@Imaoldhippie

Ahhhhhh! A Mental Diagnosis that even real Psychologists or Psychiatrists would never do without physically seeing a patient. I have to assume you know @Jordan2 brother-in-law as an acquaintance, maybe even a friend!

Most of my posts are long with more details than many care to read, but!! I have never been into doing a Mental, or Physical Diagnosis, by reading someone's post. Must be a special gift!

hckynut(john)🥅🏒 🇺🇸

hckynut(john)

CrazyDaisy · ‎03-20-2010

Many people find it much easier to hear when a cell phone is on speaker. This is especially true with those who have hearing aids.

Someday, when scientists discover the center of the Universe....some people will be disappointed it is not them.

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

I put my calls on speaker but never when someone else is in the room or in hearing distance unless the caller wants a group call. I think your sister does it because her husband insists she do it. He wants to know what you two are talking about. She knows how you feel but she's afraid of her husband so accept it. You can either stop talking to her on the phone or talk on the phone but censor what you say knowing her husband is listening.

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@Jordan2 wrote:
My sister has a landline phone she doesn't use, I call her on her cellphone. She has a habit of having her calls on speaker. I don't like her husband, he doesn't like me and has bean mean and emotionally abusive to me. She will talk to me on speaker with him sitting right next to her! I have told her please don't put me on speaker when he is around, I don't want him to know anything that is going on in my life. She will take her children's calls off speaker when I am with her for privacy which is fine by me. I said something to her again today, she says well there my be times I can't call you, I said that's fine. I always felt a conversation is between two people, I don't need a third party hanging on every word.

@Jordan2

How far apart do you live from your sister? You sometimes talk on the phone, and sometimes see her in person, right?

I think your sister may be in a more difficult situation than you realize. He may be physically abusive to her, as well, and she just hasn't told you. Sometimes abusers hit where the bruises won't show.

Since she is "unable" to take you off speaker, assume that's his decision, not hers. Text her to call you when alone and can talk. Hopefully this guy has a job.

Have your more involved conversations when you are together, but please be alert to signs of physical abuse. If this is happening, you may be able to save her life.