Community Chat

[Jordan2]

My sister has a landline phone she doesn't use, I call her on her cellphone. She has a habit of having her calls on speaker. I don't like her husband, he doesn't like me and has bean mean and emotionally abusive to me. She will talk to me on speaker with him sitting right next to her! I have told her please don't put me on speaker when he is around, I don't want him to know anything that is going on in my life. She will take her children's calls off speaker when I am with her for privacy which is fine by me. I said something to her again today, she says well there my be times I can't call you, I said that's fine. I always felt a conversation is between two people, I don't need a third party hanging on every word. 

[Kachina624]

@Jordan2    Have you asked your sister WHY she insists on including her husband on your phone calls?   Makes me wonder if he has accused the two of you plotting against his interests or something similar.

[deepwaterdotter]

I would cease calling her.

[Snowpuppy]

"Call when you're alone and free to chat " s a great txt to send.

Let her call you. If she doesn't call then you're not a priority.

[eadu4]

@Jordan2  sounds to me like he told her to have you on speaker phone.  Just guessing but sure sounds like he wants it that way. If I was going to continue to call I'd leave things simple and mention nothing beyond "things are fine just calling to say hi".  I would no longer discuss my life and if she asks I'd say I needed to run and end the call.  She'll get the message.  

[bikerbabe]

Being totally honest here, if you believe he’s emotionally abusive to you, it’s very likely he is to her as well, even if it’s not apparent while others are around. My first suspicion is that he makes it difficult for her if she tries to talk to you privately.

[Chopsmom]

@Jordan2 You are 100% correct.  There are times when my cell rings and I have a passenger in the car I make sure the caller knows that the conversation is being heard.  If I'm not in the car, there is no speaker for my calls.

Does her husband demand that she keeps her calls on speaker?  

[Jordan2]

@eadu4 no, she likes to talk with people on speaker, he has nothing to do with it. My sister and I are not plotting against him! @bikerbabe he can be a bully at times, there have been times I haven't liked the way he has treated her ( I want to be clear he is not physically abusive to her). 

[Kachina624]

@Jordan2    Nobody said you two were plotting against him but that he MAY THINK YOU ARE.    If he's abusive to both of you, he may think you're talking about him.

[BlueFinch]

@Jordan2 It's very poor form to put anyone on speaker, unless the people hearing the call are also sharing in the call. It's not so someone else can passively eavesdrop on a private conversation. 

In fact, it's good etiquette to always ask someone if they mind being put on speaker. I always ask. Something's going on that your sister is refusing your requests to talk privately. 

You say your sister's hubby has been mean and abusive to you. Perhaps he's the one demanding to hear your calls due to some back story only you could be aware of.

Maybe he doesn't trust you, or perhaps he's not that nice to your sister either and it's a serious control issue. Your word 'abusive' to you, is of concern.

People abusive to one person are often abusive to others. Mean and abusive is NEVER okay.