Wedding Rant UPDATE

Abrowneyegirl · ‎03-15-2010

So I need to vent..........

A cousin of mine is getting married, I am not close to him or his family. Until a recent funeral I had not seen him since he was a toddler. My husband and I had a pleasant conversation with him and his fiance. They are both legal professions.

Through a family member I was informed that they were getting married this summer and told to 'save the date'. This involved my husband cancelling a business trip.

The invitation arrives yesterday and it is addressed to me and only me, using my maiden name! Even on the inside envelope it is addressed to only me, no guest!?!?!

This is a formal wedding so all the instructions are quite clear.

My husband thinks it is an oversight. I think it is odd at least and rude at most. I think professional people who are having a formal wedding should know how to address a wedding invitation.

I sent back the response card with my regrets and will leave it go. I feel bad for my husband who cancelled a flight and meeting. I think we will have to go away and do something fun that weekend.

Update:

I spoke with my Uncle this afternoon. (His brother is the father of the groom). He called to confirm hotel arrangements etc.

He informed me that I was the only cousin "to make the cut" None of the other cousins (including his children) were invited. This struck me a strange considering the other cousins are closer in their relationship.

The long and short of it is: I learned that there must have been a error because my Husband was to be included on the invitation.

WHY? Because we are the only cousins that could afford to attend a fancy wedding AND afford to give a nice gift. The other cousins are not in a financial position to be a "good return on their investment." Apparently we were 'sized up' at the funeral, but not so much to note my DH name.

AFTER I picked my jaw up off the floor....... TACKY and poor manners/etiquette. I hope their advanced degrees serve them well in other ways.

I am glad I already responded with my regrets.

sallybusky · ‎01-06-2013

At the very least, the couple would generally allow for a 'plus 1' on an invitation. However, you spoke with them at the funeral, so they were definitely aware that you have a husband. You made the right decision!

sunshine45 · ‎03-09-2010

i probably would have called or emailed to clarify the invitation before i declined.

********************************************
"The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing." - Albert Einstein

Maxine49 · ‎03-09-2010

I would have spoken to the same family member that told you to save the date to see if she/he could have shed some light on the issue before sending the response card back. It does seem very odd, but perhaps someone was helping with addressing the invitations and they goofed.

"More is more and less is a bore!" Iris Apfel

circles · ‎03-10-2010

I wonder if someone unfamiliar with you was given the job to fill out the invitations...or perhaps was given an old address book that had only your name...

It seems odd that they would only invite you...using your maiden name...and not your husband when they chatted with you and your husband at the funeral...

I really think there was a slip up...accidently...

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

This sounds like someone has not updated their address book, so I agree with your husband that it is likely an oversight. After making the effort to save the date, my reaction would have been different.

KathyPet · ‎03-09-2010

How odd! I have never heard of inviting only 1 individual when it is a married couple. Since you have already responded it is too late to question it but either a error was made or the bride and groom need a wedding etiquette book.

seaBreeze · ‎02-04-2014

Browneyes,

That is quite a dilemma! And truly a faux pas on the part of your cousin. The only excuse I could think of is that "the bride" is completely overwhelmed and did not take the time for find out your husband's first name, and apparently forgot your married name .... I know that's a stretch, but the only sane reason I can think of.

You made the right choice not to attend.

violann · ‎03-10-2010

If your maiden name is the same as the groom's name, I can understand the mistake.
No idea about omitting your DH.
Don't think being "professional people" enters the mix at all.

chiclet · ‎03-19-2010

I really don't think I would want the expense and bother of attending a wedding of someone I had only seen once in over 30 years even if they had included the husband.