Community Chat

[beach-mom]

@Allthingsgirly67 - I work with a food pantry. We help families in need year round, 24 hours a day. If someone has a need they are helped. Obviously some are not who they say they are, but lot come to us through the local police and the school nurses.

For thanksgiving and other major holidays we deliver the turkey (or ham, hamburgers, etc. -depending on the holiday), non-perishable food items, and small gift cards to buy perishable items for the meal. We call to let the families know we're coming. Sometimes they are home but don't want to come out. That's OK - we will leave them where they wish. Other families come running out to give hugs. 

 I congratulate you on coming through a domestic abuse situation. I have a friend from when I was young who also came through and found a new, happy life. She left in the middle of the night with just her night clothes on and went to a shelter. (I met her when DH introduced me to his good friend, her second husband.) 

I'm sure you know there are programs that can help you. There are also programs that will help you with food. Nothing is expected of you. Check your local churches, synagogues, and mosques. Look at their websites. You will see where you can go when you have too many other things to worry about. 

Other people like to share, and they are happy to donate food or money to do this. Some have been previously been in a situation similar to yours. 

You are doing a good job as a mother. Just remember to take care of yourself too. I'll see you on the forums!  

[JeanLouiseFinch]

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@Sooner wrote:

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@reiki604 wrote:

@Allthingsgirly67 You are making a lot of assumptions and judgements about people you know nothing about or their circumstances. I'm sure you don't want to be judged for the mistakes you've made in your life and have them discussed by strangers online. A little kindness and acceptance can go a long way.

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@reiki604 Judgements have to be made about people to protect us and others from scammers, grifters, criminals, and thieves.  Judgments that put some in jail, help us to avoid some people, etc. 

I'm so tired of hearing you don't make jugments.  Really?  Of course you do.  All of us do.  

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On a personal level, yes, we do @Sooner, and that claim bugs me too.  However, IMO there is a difference between government aid and a local charity.  The government has an obligation to its taxpayers to vet aid recipients, to make sure they qualify, but even they don't have the best record.  I, too, have witnessed "situations" in the supermarket. A locally run charity (ie. church outreach, scouts, a school club, local service club, food pantry, holiday meals served on location or via drive thru/ pickup) can't eyeball an individual, observe how they're dressed, what they drive, if they are wearing nail polish, etc. and determine need.  Likewise, even though my husband makes a good living, we own a new car (bought last year), our house is paid for, and I have several Barefoot Dreams tops in my wardrobe, my nails are ugly and short and I could dress super sloppy, not wash or comb my hair, and give a completely opposite impression of my lot in life. If a particular individual gets turned away from the local charity based on appearances, imagine the bad press that would get out within that community and then they'd potentially lose the support that would enable the work to continue.  I think those in charge are completely aware that there are cheaters but they keep their mouths shut and look the other way, in lieu of the bigger picture and the good they do in helping those with true need.

Honesty, ethics, self respect, setting a good example, etc. have sadly become lost character qualities.  Those things are instilled from youth on.  If someone doesn't have it in them, they aren't going to respond appropriately when it's demanded of them.  They haven't learned how.

[Group 5 minus 1]

I have never had a manicure. I do not paint my nails. The jobs I have had in my life never allowed for long finger nails. In many medical jobs long finger naild are verboten-not sanitary. I just consider them "scooter".

One surgeon I worked with would not allow his surg. techs to have long fingernails for fear of piercing the gloves.

[jubilant]

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@Allthingsgirly67 wrote:
Uh, no they were not getting a ride. The news reporter was getting their reactions by going up to their cars. I think most of you are missing the meaning of the word sacrifice.

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@Allthingsgirly67  The meaning of sacrifice is ...To give up something that is valuable to you in order to help another person. 

To me that means the person that needs help....not the person that wants something for nothing.  That is why it is important to me to really find an organization that I know for sure cares enough to put my money to the best use possible....and those organization are out there. We need to do our due diligence to find them, imo.

ps  I do admire people who work for all these organizations and the sacrifice of the time they spend doing it and the love in their hearts that make them do it but some people want to sacrifice  thousands of dollars to charities  and feel it needs to be used wisely.  Anyway, it's what's in your heart that counts and I do understand that.   

[Sooner]

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@BreKay wrote:
Did you ever consider that, just possibly, the person needing the food may not be the owner of the vehicle? Maybe they needed a ride to the pickup location and assistance with the boxes containing the food? Or, maybe, public transportation was not an option. I mean, not EVERYTHING is a scam and not EVERYBODY is trying to take advantage of the goodness of others.

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@BreKay As are some people that do take advantage and scam and steal.  It goes both ways.  You can't deny either. 

[ahoymate]

Goodness Sooner, you certainly have a lot to say about not giving to the needy.

[RedTop]

Even local high school kids here in my area of WV are driving BMWs, Lexus, Cadillac, Lincoln, fancy Mustangs and Dodge Chargers, as well as high dollar pickup trucks!  

[Burnsite]

Charity Navigator is an online site that rates Charities, esp. in terms of whether they are run with thrift (no high pd administrators) and whether they are transparent about their expenses.

I like to give, but I usually check at a "charity-reality-check site" first. 

[Twins Mom]

Years ago there was an article in the paper showing individuals helping the needy or underprivileged.  The picture showed men doing some work in the apartment while a couple of teens without shirts on watched.  Some might say they did not have a shirt, but it was winter and they were receiving aid.  Possible but not probable.  It left a bad taste in my mouth since not being able to afford heating bills is so prevalent.

I must admit that as I see lines of cars driving up getting food from individuals does spark my curiosity.  Are these people all in such need?  I tell myself perhaps they are delivering to those in greater need.

[Gorgf]

I think there are many issues going on here and comparing local food assistance to large nonprofit charities are two varied issues.

Yesterday and today three churches get together and do food boxes and gifts for each child for 210 families in a small town area of 5000. $10,000 worth of food.Many times people have nice cars and trucks but are picking up boxes for seniors or disabled. Some may not drive or able to lift the heavy boxes. We wheel them out on carts and have men lift into vechicles. We do not judge or question. Social Workers, Head Start, Law Enforcement and individuals submit names.

Some people appreciate the project and some sign up thinking it is a freebee. I personally know two parties that are first in line for a give away who aren't rich  but have considerable savings but pay cash for everything and are just cheap and selfish.

It is a value system in how their income is spent. We all can name people who may not pay their taxes but may buy a new car as an example. 

Most people are in need but there will always be Grifters. Some of us on the board may have or are in financial need at one time or another in our life.