Re: Want a separation/divorce

Snowpuppy · ‎03-09-2010

So if you want a week to yourself, doing what you want to do without him.......that's a vacation, not a divorce.

Since you work p/t I'm assuming you could afford one week to any place you'd like. I've had many a married girlfriend who will embark on a trip with a friend, sister, SIL, etc.

BaileyandBella · ‎03-10-2010

His depression may need to be evaluated...it's VERY common to need an anti-depressant as one ages.

I have been with my husband for 23 years......he often is negative, cusses, makes snotty comments about something on the news etc etc..... It drives me CRAZY. But I take a deep breath and change the subject or leave the room....LOL. He has many other wonderful qualities and that is why I love him and want to be married to him. I am sure I drive him crazy too at times. ${#emotions_dlg.laugh}$

As silly as it sounds, have you made a "pros and cons" list? Sometimes it's good to see things in black and white.

Elstongunn · ‎03-12-2010

Wow. After reading the post several times, I find myself having a lot of sympathy for the husband.

He would do anything for anyone, including the POSTER. Yeah, I'd be bored with that, too.

He wants to go away on trips with his wife (perhaps that's his way of trying to reach out and reconnect as a couple), but she insists on dragging along others with them. Yeah, he's a real self-centered bum.

He helped raise two great kids. Yep, a real loser.

If there is a divorce, I hope he is left emotionally and financially secure.

Money doesn't talk; it swears. --Bob Dylan

tansy · ‎01-02-2011

It will sound sappy maybe but the two of you share a long history and have a family so I wouldn't give up easily. I'd try treating him the way I hope he'll treat me -- a kiss, a hug, some kind words. I'd go for some counseling to get someone else's hopefully unbiased perspective.

croemer · ‎03-10-2010

On 2/16/2014 ktlynam said:
Wow. After reading the post several times, I find myself having a lot of sympathy for the husband.

He would do anything for anyone, including the POSTER. Yeah, I'd be bored with that, too.

He wants to go away on trips with his wife (perhaps that's his way of trying to reach out and reconnect as a couple), but she insists on dragging along others with them. Yeah, he's a real self-centered bum.

He helped raise two great kids. Yep, a real loser.

If there is a divorce, I hope he is left emotionally and financially secure.

That is how I read it too.

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**Careful... I have caps lock and I am not afraid to use it.**

Anniecamp · ‎03-12-2010

I'm wondering if the OP is more of a "taker" rather than a giver. OP's last post does sound like he's rather cranky. Is there a reason for it? Maybe he has worries or health problems that get to him, or maybe he's bored to tears, but too much of a gentleman to leave.

Of course, I could be totally off base. In the event of a divorce, I'm sure there will be a woman in her 40s that would snatch him up quickly.

It doesn't sound like OP has any vision for her future, or plans for herself, since not seeming to have a "life" even now.

OP sounds miserable. I wish her the best.

stevieb · ‎03-10-2010

Fix his favorite dish...? Are you kidding me? It sounds like this is more than a temporary bump in the road or a routine ebbing and flowing of a long-term relationship... OP, no one can answer for you whether it's truly the end of the road or not. Only you and he can decide that. Good luck to you whatever you ultimately decide is best for both your futures.

In my pantry with my cupcakes...

moonstone dunes · ‎11-06-2011

My take is the husband is overbearing, angry and demanding AND condescending. It's sad that she realizes this after so many years. OP, you could try talk therapy but in my experience, it's sort of a waste of money. If you have the means, you could try a trial separation, move into your own place. This would open your eyes to what it might be like, to live alone. I did it at 32. Very very life-changing. It made me stronger, but I was young. I can't imagine going through all of that now and I'm close to your age. Ann Landers (or Dear Abby) said something like "not everyone is cut-out for a life in 'double harness'...but seriously, after 36 years, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Think about it. Is your life better off with him? or without him?

foundinlv · ‎04-20-2012

The OP stated she and him are more like brother and sister....definitely time to divorce and move on. No point in staying in a loveless relationship devoid of any physical contact.

gazelle77 · ‎03-01-2013

I would go to counseling first. It takes two to tango and all of your unhappiness is not due to him. 36 years us a long time to just call it quits. You mention all the unhappy things...there has got to Be pleasant memories somewhere in 36 years. Yes, as we age, people do change. You have changed as well. It often times looks greener on the other side of the fence....until it hits you what you lost. I say this from experience years ago when I went through a crisis like you and decided I was not happy. I found out that I Made a huge mistake, as lucky for me I came to my senses and went home. 33 years married. Is it perfect....no. But he is a good man, and those are hard to find as we get older. Talk to a councilor, go alone, have him go , go together . It is worth it and you both are worth staying together.