Re: Want a separation/divorce

RetRN · ‎10-01-2013

You need to find a divorce attorney and move on with your life. Why waste precious time feeling so alone and miserable? There are many opportunities out there. You could spend time with people you enjoy who share your interests. This is not the end of the world, you will just be beginning a new chapter. Counseling only works if both parties involved are really motivated and I don't think that is the case with your situation. Good luck!

Catitude · ‎01-09-2014

Too many people assume their spouses are going to bring them happiness, peace and joy. Go out and find it on your own and you may look at your spouse through a whole new set of lenses.

croemer · ‎03-10-2010

On 2/16/2014 Opurrra said:
Too many people assume their spouses are going to bring them happiness, peace and joy. Go out and find it on your own and you may look at your spouse through a whole new set of lenses.

I was just coming back to say this after thinking this situation over.

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**Careful... I have caps lock and I am not afraid to use it.**

Catitude · ‎01-09-2014

On 2/16/2014 RetRN said:
You need to find a divorce attorney and move on with your life. Why waste precious time feeling so alone and miserable? There are many opportunities out there. You could spend time with people you enjoy who share your interests. This is not the end of the world, you will just be beginning a new chapter. Counseling only works if both parties involved are really motivated and I don't think that is the case with your situation. Good luck!

I agree but too many spouses are comfortably numb, in a rut they've created for themselves. Some don't know a thing about managing finances, driving, paying bills and some can't support themselves on their own so they allow themselves to pick apart their spouses, knowing they're trapped. I think some have to go out and get a taste of the real world, alone. Maybe the OP needs to get separated and find a place of her own for a few months. Unfortunately, it's probably the husband who will have to move out of his own home.

edited

EmmaBunting · ‎01-19-2013

On 2/16/2014 Opurrra said:
Too many people assume their spouses are going to bring them happiness, peace and joy. Go out and find it on your own and you may look at your spouse through a whole new set of lenses.

I agree whole heartedly with this. A very good friend gave me some invaluable advice a very, very long time ago. She said "No one person will ever fulfill all your needs." Best advice I ever got......and actually, played a big role in helping me decide to marry!

Found out later she was gay. LOL......put a whole different spin on her advice...but whatever.... ${#emotions_dlg.laugh}$

EmmaBunting · ‎01-19-2013

On 2/16/2014 hsawaknow said: Thank you Emma. It can be hard at times and even scary but my faith and going to therapy is what keeps me going.

Oh my gosh, hsawaknow! I just reread what I wrote to you! Did you see where I said you'd benefit from being "serrated"......... ${#emotions_dlg.w00t}$ I obviously meant SEPERATED!!! I don't think you'd benefit too much from being cut up!

${#emotions_dlg.laugh}$

Kalli · ‎03-11-2010

On 2/16/2014 EmmaBunting said:
Honey? Is that you?.....sorry....couldn't resist.

Honestly...I am really, really sorry to hear this, Abby. I went through a bit of a crisis myself a few years ago. I think we all have highs and lows in our marriages. And 36 years is a long time to just throw out the window because your not as connected any more.

My suggestion is to find ways to reconnect. Make improving your marriage your priority. Fix his favorite dish......do something fun together........have a good long talk.

In other words....try to make things better before throwing in the towel. And try to imagine.....I mean....really imagine your life all alone...and see if you still feel the same way.

Once you've given it your all to improve things...and you're still miserable...then it's time to think about separating.

You're not alone, though. Many couples go through what you are going through. I hope you can rekindle at least some of what you found with your husband in the first place. But even if you can't....I hope you can find some joy in your life.

Good luck.

This seems like a reasonable set of suggestions. Move slowly and wisely so you can measure the consequences of the path you choose and so that you are safe emotionally and financially.

-Kalli

focksie · ‎03-04-2012

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. If the worst of it is that you feel like "brother and sister", I'd say like others have said that you are just bored. Have you discussed your feelings with your husband? Does he feel the same way? If it's mutual, I'd encourage you to go for marital counseling before giving up.

The grass is always greener.

Never was this statement more true than for a situation like yours. Don't think that leaving your husband will necessarily improve your happiness. It may make it worse in other ways and you may find that you are sorry you divorced.

Snowpuppy · ‎03-09-2010

I'm always amazed that many women believe their spouse should be their only social connection and if they're not, well, then they're disappointed or "bored". Seriously? Your spouse should entertain you so you're not bored?

They make a spouse their entire world and when their children are grown living their own lives they lose a spouse thru death or divorce and are startled to learn how alone they truly are.

Not one poster has mentioned the financial aspects of divorce at this age. Sounds like the OP doesn't work outside the home. Probably hasn't for many years. Any idea on how she is to support herself currently as well as thru her golden years?