Community Chat

[CalminHeart]

I had a friend of 40 years ghost me. I still don't know why. I was hurt for a long time but moved on. 

[LTT1]

@zitawins @CalminHeart @LindaSal @Alsace Gal @monicakm 

I did end a friendship in the distant past!

I was recovering from my C-section and a woman I had recently met at a Newcomers club became miffed with me when I backed out of a get-together with her!

It seemed to me that she was being rude and insistent...I could not understand her behavior?!‼️

She was going on leveling complaints at me (I felt as if I had not known her very long)

and the entire thing just seemed unreasonable as far as I was concerned.

Being worn out from a brand new infant and her virtually yelling at me left me unable to think straight so I just let her know right then that I didn't want to be friends any more.

If I remember correctly, she argued even about this!

["Why not? …What if?, etc]

There is something wrong with a friendship that is so CONTROLLING! I could not explain it, but it is obvious to me looking back.

[ID2]

OP, It sounds to me that she's making all of the effort here. It's a shame you are choosing to drop her as a friend. I've always felt you can't have too many friends. 

[Wsmom]

@zitawins , I have many friends I have grown away from over the years...it can be many months between contact..but when we do contact each other it is wonderful and we have a great conversation.  I would venture to say some it can be well over a year between contacts.  

If you don't want to exchange presents tell her you don't want to exchange presents anymore so please let's not.  If she continues say something like, oh, I didn't get you anything because we agreed not to anymore.  And don't feel bad about it.  

IMO continue to reply to her twice yearly emails.  How much time can it take and though it may mean nothing to you it may mean the world to her.

JMO

[wagirl]

Sadly my BFF of nearly 40 years decided to go to the "dark side" politically, in 2016 and that was the beginning of the end.  She got pretty nasty with me and actually started sounding like how my stupid ,now ex--- thank you, Jesus-- used to talk to me. Said some horrible things that I couldn't get over. Never text her or called her or have had any communication since 2020. Makes me sad but some things you can never forgive or forget. 

[Coastalcarolina]

@LTT1 , I have had similar experiences.  I was a very empathetic person, giving, compassionate.  "They" see you coming from a mile away.  They want to be "friends" so they can control you, use you, exploit you.  Don't ever tell them things that are private or extremely personal.  They will use this as a tool to hold over your head.  Made this mistake with a coworker.  Never again.  

[lgfan]

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@Coastalcarolina wrote:

@LTT1 , I have had similar experiences.  I was a very empathetic person, giving, compassionate.  "They" see you coming from a mile away.  They want to be "friends" so they can control you, use you, exploit you.  Don't ever tell them things that are private or extremely personal.  They will use this as a tool to hold over your head.  Made this mistake with a coworker.  Never again.  

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I agree with you.  A woman at a job that I held many years ago made friends with me.  I thought she was a friend but I later learned that she was using me to get information so she could use it against me.  In the end I was let go and she was kept at the job.  I also will never again make that mistake.

[LTT1]

@Coastalcarolina 

WOW!
It just blows my mind!

Doesn't it yours too?

[LTT1]

@lgfan 

@Coastalcarolina 

I'm very sorry you had this happen to you!

[febe1]

If a BFF friendship was over, I would talk about that. Other casual friends usually when over, they sort of just peter off w/o anything ever being said. 

If and when we meet again, it's still nice seeing them.