Community Chat

[judgejudith]

Want to vent this morning about social clubs and old women. I belong to several clubs relating to my hobbies...genealogy and dollhouse miniatures. I've belong to them for well over 25 years. In two of the clubs (miniature) the members are basically the same group of women, give or take a few members, the women have basically refused to learn my name. I joined these clubs at the same time with a friend. My friend and I do not look alike, one of us is a blonde the other a brunette. Club members constantly call us by each others names, and then laugh when we correct them.

I constantly ask myself why I want to belong and be active in these clubs, but they are my only choices if I want to be active in my community in this area. We do several shows and displays a year displaying our miniatures. Part of what I like is to display my creations. I went several years without being active in the clubs and decided that I did missed that aspect of the club, although I don't care for about 50% of the members.

This week at the club during the business meeting I did voice my opinion in several areas. Usually I just sit and keep my mouth shut and go along with the group. The group was quite surprised. I must say it was refreshing for me. I slept like a baby that night and every night since then. So you might be asking why am I venting? Guess I just am mad at myself for sitting quietly for so many years and then stewing when I went home. I have an action plan with these gals...from now on I won't respond to them if they call me by my friend's name.

My general observation of hobby clubs is that women only clubs are petty and the older the members are the more petty they are. Clubs with both female and male members are generally much more pleasant.

What do you want to talk about this morning?

[Lacey1]

I think within any group, whether it be a club, workplace, class, etc. There's the same 'type' of personalities. Cliques will form based on the various personalities. IOW: The outgoing, popular types will assume the usual roles, the quiet, shy folks will go into their comfort zones, the loudmouths that have to challenge everyone else will always be the center of attention, some smart *ss bullies will boss and make fun of the others , etc. etc.

It's the way of the world, but good for you for mixing it up a little!

[JamicaJammer]

These are just the MEAN GIRLS from HS who now are old MEAN BIDDIES.

Yes, all-female groups tend to be vicious, compared to mixed gender groups.

At 60, I've still got a son at home in HS, so my life is very busy/full still doing the Mom thing. Even when he's gone in 4 yrs to college, no way am I joining any group of mean women.

Solitude is better than bad company to me.

ETA: My friend's mother is 90 and in an asst. living apt. She said even women 80-90+ y/o are still forming cliques and acting like HS MEAN GIRLS.

[betteb]

On 3/29/2014 JamicaJammer said:

These are just the MEAN GIRLS from HS who now are old MEAN BIDDIES.

Yes, all-female groups tend to be vicious, compared to mixed gender groups.

At 60, I've still got a son at home in HS, so my life is very busy/full still doing the Mom thing. Even when he's gone in 4 yrs to college, no way am I joining any group of mean women.

Solitude is better than bad company to me.

ETA: My friend's mother is 90 and in an asst. living apt. She said even women 80-90+ y/o are still forming cliques and acting like HS MEAN GIRLS.

[AuntG]

Not at that age yet, but I had hoped that by the time women are in their 60's, they wouldn't form cliques. From what I gather about our county's community center, the people are generally nice. They go to plays and take other bus trips. However, unless you know some of the people involved, it might be hard to fit in.

[Silver Lotus]

OP why do you continue to waste your precious time that you will never get back with these old biddies? That is truly puzzling to me.

My vent is that I am home sick for the second time this year with a sinus infection and I feel miserable.

[Luv2Decorate]

It would be very funny if before you spoke you said "Hi my name is ..... and my opinion is"

Or wear a name tag that says My name is and I've been a member here for X amount of years! Make them look foolish for not knowing your name.

Silver Lotus, I hope you feel better soon, sinus infections are awful!

[JuJu Squeezie]

Misery loves company or...membership.

[Summer Sunflowers]

When you attend these club meetings, wear a big name tag -

HELLO

my name is

JUDITH

[LilacTree]

Older women can be vicious toward each other. I live in a senior apartment building. There are mostly women here and they formed cliques within a month of living here. I was never that type, even in high school. I attended some events and was very friendly but, as usual, jealousy began and I started avoiding the get-togethers.

My physical ailments, which got worse six months after I moved in actually saved me from having to make excuses for not attending gatherings. I keep to myself and have for over two years now. There are a few women who are very nice to me, and I don't have to deal with the others.

There is a woman here who has cancer and made the mistake of telling everyone everything all the time. Some of them have been vicious toward her, but she kept telling them all of her personal problems with her family not caring about her, etc. I don't know the current status of the situation since it's been months since I have heard from her. However, I used to suggest that she not make her life such an open book to them and maybe they would stop mocking her. Maybe she took offense to that.

No one here knows my personal business or anything about my health. They see me in the hallways in my wheelchair sometimes when one of my girls is taking me out, and when they ask me how I'm doing, I always say I'm fine, how are you, and that's it. So other than saying I'm a recluse (which I'm sure they do because I am), there isn't much they can say about me.

The folks on this BB know a heck of a lot more about me than they do, and that's because this is anonymous and a good place for me to talk about issues without having to deal with giggles and stares.

I guess what I am saying to the OP is that it is up to her what she wants and doesn't want to put up with. It sounds as though she is taking care of things pretty well. She never said what her friend does about this name thing. I wonder if it bothers her friend as it does her.