Community Chat

[GrailSeeker]

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@stevieb wrote:

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@GrailSeeker wrote:

I hadn't bothered to actually google the term "toxic positivity" before I started the thread.  I was surprised to see hundreds of articles about it today and the many different takes on what it actually means.

According to Urban Dictionary:

TOP DEFINITION

Toxic Positivity

Toxic Positivity is the belief that, "if you just stay positive, you will overcome any obstacle," to such a degree that you invalidate natural emotional responses and the person having those feelings.

Her Toxic Positivity left her friend feeling like his feelings were not important and he was overreacting.

2

toxic positivity

An Internet-wide phenomenon of suppressing discourse such as constructive feedback, pointing out flaws and suggesting improvements. People making any of these are deemed rude, offensive, and are ousted to great lengths due to the mentality of the necessity of walking on eggshells and forcing positivity so as not to hurt anyone's feelings and create a facade of a perfect paradise.

People can't improve or face reality when toxic positivity prohibits anyone from calling out any problems they may have.

I was actually thinking more of the second definition, but the first one is apparently what most people think of.

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@GrailSeeker  I think both definitions apply and whether or not the 'label' can be said to apply to both is almost irrelevant... The first definition is, for me, beautifully exemplified by the whole 'it's what you make it', mentality... The speaker is usually implying it's always possible to make a silk purse out of a sow's ear when it clearly is not...  The second is, to my mind, apparently the goal of some for these very forums (and many other sources for personal expression), where never shall be heard a discouraging word... Neither, to my way of thinking, is realistic or even desirable...

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I know I've been guilty of doing the first definition, not on purpose, but because I was trying to uplift someone, or make them feel better and didn't know what else to say.  You want to say something, but it is the wrong thing to say. This happened especially when I was young and just didn't know better.

The second, to me, is below the belt, unethical, and unfair. It reminds me of the bully who pushes someone down when they can't deal with something that was said that rubbed them the wrong way. 

[on the bay]

@GrailSeeker -

So strange. I was actually thinking about this this morning a lot.

I was thinking that not to acknowledge all the things that are negative but not necessarily dwell on them all the time), makes nothing real. Not the good wonderful things either.

And when we can't acknowledge or talk about all the things that are wrong or sad, how real can any relationship be?

Sometimes if we are only positive, people are afraid to share their real feelings. I had a friend tell me it was such a relief to know my real feelings because she was feeling the same. 

Not to dwell on the negative, but see them and accept them and then we can also welcome the good things.

I know this is not exactly what you are talking about.

That is what I think of when I see "toxic positivity" though I have never seen it before now either.

[nyc1]

@GrailSeeker   Interesting term.  I immediately thought of ...  WHEN EVERYTHING HAS TO BE POSITIVE & AGREEABLE, and there is no room at all for dissension, frustration or concern.

IMO that almost makes everything meaningless.  It is WONDERFUL to be positive, which I am, but you also have to be true and honest and allowed to have an off day, off moment or differing opinion.  Not every moment is happy, joyous, loving with hugs kisses with us all singing the same tune.  Everything in life is not black and white. 

It is WONDERFUL TO HAVE A POSITIVE OUTLOOK,  and look for the good side of everything, but you can't 100% of the time.  There is BALANCE, and I think the meaning behind your term does not allow for that.  

Just my thought on the term. 

[GrailSeeker]

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@on the bay wrote:

@GrailSeeker -

So strange. I was actually thinking about this this morning a lot.

I was thinking that not to acknowledge all the things that are negative but not necessarily dwell on them all the time), makes nothing real. Not the good wonderful things either.

And when we can't acknowledge or talk about all the things that are wrong or sad, how real can any relationship be?

Sometimes if we are only positive, people are afraid to share their real feelings. I had a friend tell me it was such a relief to know my real feelings because she was feeling the same. 

Not to dwell on the negative, but see them and accept them and then we can also welcome the good things.

I know this is not exactly what you are talking about.

That is what I think of when I see "toxic positivity" though I have never seen it before now either.

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Thank you for the kind and thought filled comment.

[GrailSeeker]

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@nyc1 wrote:

@GrailSeeker   Interesting term.  I immediately thought of ...  WHEN EVERYTHING HAS TO BE POSITIVE & AGREEABLE, and there is no room at all for dissension, frustration or concern.

IMO that almost makes everything meaningless.  It is WONDERFUL to be positive, which I am, but you also have to be true and honest and allowed to have an off day, off moment or differing opinion.  Not every moment is happy, joyous, loving with hugs kisses with us all singing the same tune.  Everything in life is not black and white. 

It is WONDERFUL TO HAVE A POSITIVE OUTLOOK,  and look for the good side of everything, but you can't 100% of the time.  There is BALANCE, and I think the meaning behind your term does not allow for that.  

Just my thought on the term. 

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I agree that everything in life is not black and white, and my comparison to the yin and yang did not allow for the many shades of gray in betweeen.

[JJsMom]

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@kitcat51 wrote:

woke nonsense.

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Huh? Explain. It has nothing to do with this.

Toxic positivity is expecting people to be positive all the time and expecting them to deny very real emotions about stress in their life or bad things happening to them. Constantly pressuring people to suppress real and unpleasant emotions is toxic positivity.