Community Chat

[Lila Belle]

Both of my granddads stopped driving at 90 and 88. It was their decision. They can and do use golf carts since they live in gated communities and have no problems. Both have said they miss driving but knew they had to give it up.

Wishing your dad the best.

[FUTURE]

I just want to say that you did the right thing. I'm proud of you for being strong and smart, and caring for your dad and others. I work with elderly people every day, and I never cease to be amazed by the people that are driving that SHOULD NOT BE!!!! I know it must be hard, but think of how much more difficult it would be if your dad or someone else were injured, especially knowing he shouldn't be driving. You made the best decision. 

[151949]

My DH had cataracts removed plus other more sensitive work done on his eye and was able to see perfectly 2 days later.Is that the only reason you took away his car?

[Moonchilde]

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@151949 wrote:

My DH had cataracts removed plus other more sensitive work done on his eye and was able to see perfectly 2 days later.Is that the only reason you took away his car?

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The OP stated that his doctor said he should not drive for 3 weeks.

Having had cataract surgery in both eyes within the past 3 months, I can tell you that how well one sees "immediately" post-surgery depends upon what their eyesight was before surgery, i.e. did they have good eyesight before they developed cataracts, or were they very nearsighted before they ever had cataracts develop. It also depends on what kind of lens they received - the one paid for by Medicare, or the expensive progressive lens the patient must pay for.

The vision in each eye changed fairly dramatically for me between 2-3 days postop and 6 weeks postop, in both eyes.  And since I did not have great vision before surgery and did not pay for the special lenses, I couldn't see 15 feet in front of me, never mind drive, without two changes of eyeglass Rx within 6 weeks.

So no, it's not everyone can see perfectly after cataract surgery slam dunk. The OP was going by what her father's doctor advised. 

[Nataliesgramma]

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@onewhiteSparrow wrote:

Everyone I know has a second pair of car or truck keys.

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That was our problem....we took the keys we saw her use, but she had another hidden and would use them. My Mom was difficult in her 80's...threatened to call the Police and tell them we stole her car if we took it so she couldn't drive it. We even called the State Highway Patrol and they said unless they actually SAW HER out driving, they couldn't do anything.

We did take her places, but if we couldn't drop everything (we were all working) and come over .....she would drive herself. None of us had a job that we could just leave because she decided she wanted to make banana bread and had to go buy bananas for it NOW instead of when one of us got off work.

Wish you the best...not easy

[febe1]

One very sad thing I saw when a daughter took her keys from her father. This friend of my mom's was in at least his mid 80's when his daughter took them away. She took them away for good reason of course. My mother told me and I saw him: he would take his lunch out to his pick-up and eat his lunch there. Just sat there alone in his pick-up in front of his house eating his lunch. His entire sense of himself seemed to be wrapped in his driving. 

My mother became very difficult in her 80's, almost like her personality changed. I think of earlier times....

[mstyrion 1]

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@SharkE wrote:

Not as likely to be texting, drinking and not paying attention. Dancing around to music,  etc

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The things you mention are all examplesof distractions that interfere with driving. Advanced age changes eyesight,  hearing, cognition, and reflex ability. These impact the ability to drive every bit as much as the examples you think are ony the realm of the young.

Many, many accidents both large and minor are caused by elderly people.  It's heartbreaking to have to tell a loved one they can no longer driver, but in the end it's a huge act of love.

[SharkE]

I'm childless won't be my problem

[mstyrion 1]

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@SharkE wrote:

I'm childless won't be my problem

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I am too and I hope I'll have the good sense to stop driving when it's time.   I have a good support system of friends and I know they'll be honest with me too.

Here's hoping you will exercise good sense too when the time comes.

[debcakes]

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@estaw2000 wrote:

I am very surprised that so many adult children are so quick to say it's ok to stop a parent from driving. I'm a whole lot more worried about 16 year old drivers than I am 85+ drivers. I rarely hear of older folks having terrible accidents & young people it's super common!

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I was broadsided by an 85 yo who stopped at the stop sign for the two people in front of me then pulled right out into me. It even had looked to me that she had been looking right at me as I approached the intersection. I did not have a stop,sign and was immediately behind the other two cars. It totalled my car but due to slow speeds, I only had a little soreness for a few days. She had no visible injuries but said she should quit driving. I hope the police said that, too.