Re: Took Keys Away From Dad

ladyroxanne · ‎03-09-2010

you handled yourself very well under the circumstances. there is not much more that you could or can do. you should be proud!

homedecor1 · ‎03-09-2010

I applaud you!!! This is a true story -- to this day I still think about this dreadful day that we could have been killed by my FIL.

When my children were much younger we went to visit my FIL (82) after his wife passed. He decided he would take us out to dinner -- as he lived in FL I had no idea of his driving skills.

So off we go to this restaurant (which may I add had closed 10 years prior!) and my husband is in the front seat I'm in the back with 2 little kids.

We are driving for about an hour or so. He's looking for this restaurant and I look up and realize he is GOING THE WRONG WAY ON A 4 LANE HIGHWAY!!!

I immediately punch my husband and go "he's going the wrong way"... my husband says "please, I don't want to make him nervous!" WTH I went ballistic...I screamed so loud I made him swerve the car... God was with us that day as there was no oncoming traffic!!!

He pulled over to the SHOULDER on the WRONG SIDE of the road and said "you're making me nervous". I said GET OUT OF THE CAR NOW ... I'M TAKING YOUR KEYS! When safe, I drove to a empty lot directly across the way.

My husband said it was the worse thing I ever did and for the rest of the trip he didn't talk to me, but, we were ALIVE.

Later I found out he had macular degeneration YET FL DMV issued him a drivers license as he had a drs. note.

I see it everyday. When the snowbirds return its a nightmare here -- left hand turns with right hand signals, run red lights, can barely see over steering wheels, and even in my own community they have had lots of minor accidents from these elderly people driving when they shouldn't (but no one to take them). Did you know that FL only requires an eye test after age 80 (I think). I personally know a good friend of ours (88) just had his license renewed! And my god, he's had 3 accidents (all he rear ended others with alot of damage) and still won't give up his license.

We had a neighbor who has since died he used to drive to church and come home and "touch up" his car bumper with paint. One day the sheriff came to his home to arrest him for hit n' run accident he hit a pedestrian at the church parking lot and thought it was a cone!

Good Job you may have saved your dad and someone else's life. I hope if God lets me live that long I'll have the good sense to give up my keys!

hckynutjohn · ‎06-15-2015

My mother-in law had cataract surgery on both her eyes when she was 88. I think they were 5 weeks apart. She drove to work 3 days later, 15 miles each way. I went for a ride with her on that Friday, and saw no problem. In fact she said she could see the street and speed limit signs so much better after her surgery.

She drove me a lot of places during my many long health battles so I knew her driving capabilities. She actually is a better driver now after her surgeries than she was those 5-10 years ago, she can actually see better now at age 90 than at 80, and she is a much better driver.

A person "has to do what they have to do" when THAT TIME comes, but chronological age should not be the deciding factor in every case.

hckynut(john)

Shorty2U · ‎03-09-2010

Aww thats hard for him believe me. We took my dads keys when his legs got bad and he was starting with dementia. We talked to him nicely about it and he said ok. He even used to ask us if he could go and just sit in the car before it was sold. Of course we obliged and helped him get in. (My dad passed away 4 and 1/2 years ago). Be patient with him, and cheerish him. And I wish him the best.

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make~ The Beatles

qualitygal · ‎10-04-2010

Our roles reverse as parents age. Once he cools down, he'll know deep down you're right. He may even be relieved. Not all have to go through this, but a lot do, before someone jumps on that. With parents, we just sometimes have to make those type of decisions, not fun, not popular, it's one of those have-to's in life. Best to you and yours and Merry Christmas.

Plaid Pants2 · ‎03-14-2015

The last time my dad went to get his license renewed, he only had to take the written test, and eye chart test. That's it!

Senior advocatcy groups, don't want seniors to have to take an actual driving test, (even in a simulator), because that's "picking on seniors".

I say, it's keeping them, and the public SAFE!

My neighbor said that he could take my dad places, like to church, and I have told my dad that I am willing to take him places, so it's not like he doesn't have options.

But, he's a proud man, and hates asking people for anything, especially help.

Being an only child, his care falls on to my shoulders, which I accept, but it isn't always easy.

Plaid Pants2 · ‎03-14-2015

I want to thank everyone for your kind word of support.

I know that I did the right thing, but at the same time, I feel guilty that I had to be the "big, bad, mean B".

Thing is, I know that I would feel even more guilty, if I had done nothing, and something terrible had happened as a result.

kdgn · ‎03-09-2010

Plaid Pants- My mom flunked the vision test in her early 80s. It turned out to be a cataract in her right eye. The DMV would not issue a renewal unless a doctor signed off on it. I had been trying to figure out how to get the keys away from her already and this was the opportunity. She was a horrible driver-but I didn't know that the vision in one eye had been irreparably damaged years before. No wonder she had parking lot accidents-

Anyway, after her cateract surgery, during the follow up, the doctor told me that he would not sign off for the DMV. Problem solved.

milkbone · ‎10-22-2015

Esteemed Contributor

Posts: 7,580

Registered: ‎08-19-2010

Re: Took Keys Away From Dad

‎12-18-2015 09:10 PM

Did you offer to drive him to church and pick him up?

.............................................................................................

THAT is what I would have done first. Or made transportation arangements from the church, many have senior pickup.

Once the dance of control begins.... -

Seniors......when they lose the car, its their FREEDOM.

Thank about it -

"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends." MLK

Plaid Pants2 · ‎03-14-2015

@milkbone wrote:
@SharkE
Esteemed Contributor
@SharkE
Posts: 7,580
Registered: ‎08-19-2010

Re: Took Keys Away From Dad
Options

‎12-18-2015 09:10 PM
Did you offer to drive him to church and pick him up?
.............................................................................................

THAT is what I would have done first. Or made transportation arangements from the church, many have senior pickup.

Once the dance of control begins.... -

Seniors......when they lose the car, its their FREEDOM.

Thank about it -

Yes, I know having a vehicle is his freedom. I get that.

But there comes a point when SAFETY TRUMPS FREEDOM.

It is my sincere hope that you or a loved one isn't injured or killed by a senior who was driving, and got confused, and that a senior in your family doesn't injure/kill someone because they were driving when maybe they shouldn't have been.

And, I said in a post above,

"My neighbor said that he could take my dad places, like to church, and I have told my dad that I am willing to take him places, so it's not like he doesn't have options."