Today My Dad and I Were Proactive

Plaid Pants2 · ‎03-14-2015

Last week, my dad's 90 almost 91 year old sister passed away from uterine cancer. Everybody in the family (except me. Work wouldn't give me the time off. Bereavement is for immediate family only. Parents, children, siblings). From what my dad said, (yes he took Amtrak by himself. No, I couldn't get time off from work, even to go down as his caregiver) that the services were beautiful. My aunt had a traditional Catholic funeral, where everything was in Latin. Anyway, today Dad and I went to a family owned and operated funeral home. A direct cremation, no embalming, urn provided, taxes, etc was $975. When we had the same thing done to my mom when she died 15 years ago, we paid more than that, when we used a different company., so $975 seemed very reasonable to me. So, his medical directive has been taken care of, the house sold last year, I'm on his financial accounts, he has done his will. This was the last thing that needed to be done. I feel better knowing that this has been taken care of, and already paid for.

Nancy Drew · ‎03-11-2010

My husband and I have already done all of this. It is not fun to do as there is a lot to do. However the feeling you get when it is all taken care of is wonderful. Also there is no greater gift you can give your children to have taken care of it.

Wrong is still wrong just because you benefited from it.

Mominohio · ‎08-08-2010

I know this makes things just one little step easier, and less worrisome. I'm glad that is one thing you won't have to deal with later.

My mom did this with my dad, back when we were kids (he had been ill for many years) and was not forced to make decisions after the fact, when often we aren't thinking clearly or feel time pressure to make decisions.

I believe everyone should get these things out of the way, or at the very least, make known exactly what you are wanting for your final wishes, so the loved ones left behind don't have to guess or torture themselves wondering if they have done right.

shelinmi · ‎03-21-2010

How sad you were denied by the workplace to go your aunt's funeral with your Dad. I had a boss attempt to deny me going to my best friend's funeral.... shaking head. Good job on getting your Dad's business completed.

Kachina624 · ‎03-10-2010

@Plaid Pants2 Everytime you mention doing things with your dad, it reminds me so much of the similar relationship I had with my dad. We did the same things you two do. Mine died in 2009 at age 93. I miss him so much.

New Mexico☀️Land Of Enchantment

GCR18 · ‎07-03-2013

It is great that was something he was willing to do. When my father passed, we had no idea what he would have wanted. He never spoke of it. I thought we should do similar to what he setup for his parents. My mother had different ideas. We went with her ideas, but I couldn't help thinking he would have liked the other idea better. After we finished setting things up, my mother and I had the conversation about her wishes. When it's time, I know exactly what to do.

blackhole99 · ‎08-22-2013

@Plaid Pants2 You are so lucky that your Dad would allow you to make all those arrangements ahead of time. G-d bless him. My MIL was very secretive about every thing personal and financial and at the end it was a nightmare for the family. The only saving grace was she did have a will. My husband and I are going to make it easier on our only child when our time comes too.

StillFuntoShop · ‎12-25-2015

@blackhole99 wrote:
@Plaid Pants2 You are so lucky that your Dad would allow you to make all those arrangements ahead of time. G-d bless him. My MIL was very secretive about every thing personal and financial and at the end it was a nightmare for the family. The only saving grace was she did have a will. My husband and I are going to make it easier on our only child when our time comes too.

Are we really not allowed to use the word "God" on here?!?

KarenQVC · ‎05-13-2010

I think it is a Jewish convention.

Kalli · ‎03-11-2010

My parents have their funerals prepaid. Their poa for healthcare assigns my oldest brother and me to make final decisions based on their wishes. They have poa for finances with my oldest brother and youngest brother named, due to their financial knowledge/careers. We've had so many meetings and changes in their finances due to Dad's wishes. (and Mom's wishes pre-dementia.)

It's so emotionally draining to go through these things but it's also a relief that my 5 siblings and I clearly know what they want us to do.