Community Chat

[BellaPaprika]

Jules, sending good thoughts your way for strength and healing for your Dad. Isn't it wonderful when you come across the health care worker who you know is in the job for the right reasons and you can trust them to give the proper care. Like a port in a storm!

You are so right that it won't be easy. Take advantage of every agency there is to help you, don't be too proud to accept help if friends offer. Even an hour or two to get out for a walk and to shop with a friend sitting your Dad will be a blessing. And I guarantee you that in spite of everything you will never regret doing this for him.

[JustJules]

On 4/1/2014 BlueCollarBabe said:

Jules, sending good thoughts your way for strength and healing for your Dad. Isn't it wonderful when you come across the health care worker who you know is in the job for the right reasons and you can trust them to give the proper care. Like a port in a storm!

You are so right that it won't be easy. Take advantage of every agency there is to help you, don't be too proud to accept help if friends offer. Even an hour or two to get out for a walk and to shop with a friend sitting your Dad will be a blessing. And I guarantee you that in spite of everything you will never regret doing this for him.

Thanks Blue, and you are soooo right that I can no longer be too proud to accept help. I am sort of a control freak (hard to tell, I know ) and so the worst part of this is allowing others in to that private realm to help manage. When I have family that cannot even be bothered to care, it's hard to imagine that strangers would. However, I have finally realized, the time has come to admit it to myself, I can NOT do it all alone. This male nurse was a godsend, he shared that he had family in a similar situation to my dad, and therefore he has that compassion. He also has a child with Down's Syndrome, so I trust his dedication comes from a pure spirit of helping. He has even offered that he would come sit with my dad when needed, once we leave there. I know I cannot be too trusting, but I also have faith that good people do come along for a reason. It's a delicate scale to balance and a definite learning process.

[sassynoodlehair]

Everyone here has given great support and advice.

I just want to mention one thing, especially since you mentioned your Dad has a catheter. One of the things that can cause the most random symptoms in people is a UTI.

After my Mom had brain surgery and was moved into a care facility, they actually moved her back to the hospital because they thought her brain was acting up because she had more confusion than usual, and some hallucinations, and it was all caused by a UTI. Antibiotics kicked in, and we went back to the "normal" brain stuff!

Just a thought and something to watch out for. Those care facilities are rough on everyone.

[SuesCat]

(((((Jules & Jules' Dad))))) 'Thinking of you both and wishing all good thoughts. We've had experience with both Parkinsons and nursing homes concering our family. I've followed your threads regarding the issues touching your life. It sounds like you are making good choices right along. My heart goes out to you. ~ sue

[croemer]

On 4/1/2014 Jules5280 said:

On 4/1/2014 BlueCollarBabe said:

Jules, sending good thoughts your way for strength and healing for your Dad. Isn't it wonderful when you come across the health care worker who you know is in the job for the right reasons and you can trust them to give the proper care. Like a port in a storm!

You are so right that it won't be easy. Take advantage of every agency there is to help you, don't be too proud to accept help if friends offer. Even an hour or two to get out for a walk and to shop with a friend sitting your Dad will be a blessing. And I guarantee you that in spite of everything you will never regret doing this for him.

Thanks Blue, and you are soooo right that I can no longer be too proud to accept help. I am sort of a control freak (hard to tell, I know ) and so the worst part of this is allowing others in to that private realm to help manage. When I have family that cannot even be bothered to care, it's hard to imagine that strangers would. However, I have finally realized, the time has come to admit it to myself, I can NOT do it all alone. This male nurse was a godsend, he shared that he had family in a similar situation to my dad, and therefore he has that compassion. He also has a child with Down's Syndrome, so I trust his dedication comes from a pure spirit of helping. He has even offered that he would come sit with my dad when needed, once we leave there. I know I cannot be too trusting, but I also have faith that good people do come along for a reason. It's a delicate scale to balance and a definite learning process.

Thats the hardest thing isn't it to ask for help? Keeping you both in my prayers Jules.

[Deb1010again]

(((Jules))) good to hear your (((Dad))) has at least one good aide in that new young man. After you bring your dad home, maybe you could pay him on his off hours to come sit with your dad while you go out? I'm just thinking because you do trust him and he knows your dad it may be beneficial and give you some time off. ...just a thought.

Also good to hear you were there for physical therapy and also to help him eat more of his supper. You are doing all the right things. Just remember to take things one day at a time and one thing at a time. Try not to overwhelm yourself with thinking of everything all at once.

I continue to pray for you and your dad. May he make a good recovery and may you get rest and both have peace and be comfortable. Take good care and please continue to keep us posted as you are able.

[AnikaBrodie]

Jules, Does the nursing home your dad is in participate in a pet therapy program? We have two dogs who are certified pet therapists and for over eleven years we visited a variety of places including, but not limited to, nursing and assisted living homes and hospitals. We visited many residents/patients in a variety of settings and the people who loved dogs not only appreciated these visits but benefitted by them. Our dogs, especially our cairn, provided "hands on therapy" for many residents with severe arthritic conditions, stroke recovery, bed-ridden residents, accident patients, heart patients, orthopedic patients, etc.

(((Hugs))) to you and your dad. I encourage you to take the advice of others and accept help from friends and family. You can't do it all; I know that from experience because I tried to do it all myself and finally admitted that's just not (physically or mentally) possible. For me it was partly a matter of trust; I felt others couldn't meet dad's needs as well as I could. Letting go wasn't easy for me and I know it won't be for you either. (Dad lived with DH and me for over ten years before a critical medical crisis ended in hospitalization and subsequent nursing home placement.)

Blue Collar stated that ... "I guarantee you that in spite of everything you will never regret doing this for him." I agree with her 100%; in retrospect I would do it all over again for dad and my mother-in-law who meant the world to me, now and then. They're both gone now but the memories linger on and they're all wonderful memories of love, care and respect. As scripture states in I Corinthians 13:13 ... "Now these three remain: faith, hope and love, but the greatest of these is love."

My prayers continue for your dad for healing and return home to a loving and giving environment. Please take care of yourself in the process.

[JustJules]

On 4/1/2014 sassynoodlehair said:

Everyone here has given great support and advice.

I just want to mention one thing, especially since you mentioned your Dad has a catheter. One of the things that can cause the most random symptoms in people is a UTI.

After my Mom had brain surgery and was moved into a care facility, they actually moved her back to the hospital because they thought her brain was acting up because she had more confusion than usual, and some hallucinations, and it was all caused by a UTI. Antibiotics kicked in, and we went back to the "normal" brain stuff!

Just a thought and something to watch out for. Those care facilities are rough on everyone.

I appreciate your thoughts, but that is why my dad was admitted to the hospital in the first place. He has had a permanent foley catheter for over a year due to treatments for prostate cancer, and aging, and basically a bladder that didn't function strong enough anymore. We get it changed faithfully every 6 weeks per his Urologist's instructions, and it has been very common for him to get a bladder infection it seems almost every other time they change it. They always put him on a course of antibiotics and all has been good. This time was different. We were due for his normal catheter change anyway, but he suddenly got so sick. Those infections can advance so quickly, and as I expressed in my original thread, I have regrets for not taking him to the hospital a day sooner. My dad is very stoic when it comes to pain, and does not let on that he is suffering until it is too obvious. He was admitted with a severe UTI infection, basically kidney sepsis. His catheter bag was clear the day before, then he had little output and I should have known, that was the infection taking hold...by the time he was in the ER and they started giving him meds, it was like swamp water. I can kick myself for my oversights, and I have. I try my best to take care of him, and thought I could read him like a book, but I let a few too many hours go by and missed some obvious signals that professionals would have caught. The thing is, I was on the phone with doctors, describing symptoms, and they didn't suggest taking him to the ER because he had originally had a bad reaction to a medication for bladder spasms. It was just the perfect storm of missed symptoms and communication, and I should have erred on the side of caution.

Trust me... I regret my decision, and if I could go back and take him to the hospital sooner, I would. He was admitted with BP of 80/40 and they had to start a central line in his neck to get antibiotics and the meds to raise his BP. They told me that one of the things that probably helped was that I insisted he drink lots of water all the time, so he was hydrated, even though his kidneys were suffering. Again, I wish I had not waited, but it was so typical to see him with bladder infections, and we were scheduled to see his Urologist. It would have been far better for me to take him to the ER and have them send him home for nothing. I have to live with that mistake. He has had confusion and hallucinations for many reasons, most have been drug-related since they had him on numerous antibiotics until the cultures came back and they could target it. He also developed pneumonia in hospital, and the pain killers for the kidney/back pain added to his confusion. Not to mention he has Parkinson's and so that is added stress to a mind that is already being tested, although he was never this confused before getting so sick. His doctor thinks he will recover more clarity IF he gets nutrition, because now he is only on his normal meds, but his brain is starving. I am thankful for the meds that saved his life, but of course it changed his appetite, and now that is a huge part of his recovery. His doctor told him he needed to take in more calories, so in his confused condition, my dad asked if there was a calorie pill (don't we wish). Sadly there is no easy fix, it is just a process.

[Preds]

Jules ... There is never a right decision, and there is never a wrong decision. There is just a decision that we make at the time and pray that it's the right one. Well, it might be but only a higher being has control of that. You are doing what needs to be done ... that's all you can do.

[JustJules]

On 4/1/2014 AnikaBrodie said:

Jules, Does the nursing home your dad is in participate in a pet therapy program? We have two dogs who are certified pet therapists and for over eleven years we visited a variety of places including, but not limited to, nursing and assisted living homes and hospitals. We visited many residents/patients in a variety of settings and the people who loved dogs not only appreciated these visits but benefitted by them. Our dogs, especially our cairn, provided "hands on therapy" for many residents with severe arthritic conditions, stroke recovery, bed-ridden residents, accident patients, heart patients, orthopedic patients, etc.

(((Hugs))) to you and your dad. I encourage you to take the advice of others and accept help from friends and family. You can't do it all; I know that from experience because I tried to do it all myself and finally admitted that's just not (physically or mentally) possible. For me it was partly a matter of trust; I felt others couldn't meet dad's needs as well as I could. Letting go wasn't easy for me and I know it won't be for you either. (Dad lived with DH and me for over ten years before a critical medical crisis ended in hospitalization and subsequent nursing home placement.)

Blue Collar stated that ... "I guarantee you that in spite of everything you will never regret doing this for him." I agree with her 100%; in retrospect I would do it all over again for dad and my mother-in-law who meant the world to me, now and then. They're both gone now but the memories linger on and they're all wonderful memories of love, care and respect. As scripture states in I Corinthians 13:13 ... "Now these three remain: faith, hope and love, but the greatest of these is love."

My prayers continue for your dad for healing and return home to a loving and giving environment. Please take care of yourself in the process.

Hi Anika, thank you so much for your kind thoughts and encouragement! I honestly don't know if this place has "pet therapy" per se, although I know they do allow residents that have pets to let them come visit, although not stay there permanently. I haven't seen any therapy type dogs around there though. At this point, with my plan to get dad home in a few days, don't think it would make much difference. He asked me something the other night in his confused state, that broke my heart.... you know we lost our beloved Chinook right at Thanksgiving. Dad asked me if I was going home to let Nook out. I just told him that Nook was okay, and held back the tears. I know he is remembering in his mind some good stuff, and it would be awesome if there was a loving dog for him to come home to, but that would definitely be biting off more than I could chew right now. I have to admit, the house is so empty, and the other day I considered going to the animal shelter and getting a new dog... then I realized that would not be the best timing for them or us.