Community Chat

[BellaPaprika]

Jules, funny you mention the turtle and the hare. Story of my life. What little good we can do with our insights, tips and support is yours whenever you drop by here, friend. Please when you can let us know how you're both getting on and for your Dad's sake don't neglect yourself during this trying time or you will both suffer. God bless.

[JustJules]

Thanks to ALL of you, for your care and support and good wishes. I know prayers get answered because I was feeling pretty frustrated and running on empty this morning, and then there is this thread and all of you. I truly feel better and more hopeful. I will promise to keep you posted and will take your wise advice to take care of me, while taking care of him.

kittykatkay, (((hugs))) back to you, your post made me cry, but in a good way. I'm very touched. You were, and always will be an incredible daughter, and your mother was blessed. I am sure she was so very proud of you and thankful for your care.

Okay, time to dry these eyes, put on some bullet-proof mascara and get back over there.

[kittykatkay]

On 3/30/2014 Jules5280 said:

Thanks to ALL of you, for your care and support and good wishes. I know prayers get answered because I was feeling pretty frustrated and running on empty this morning, and then there is this thread and all of you. I truly feel better and more hopeful. I will promise to keep you posted and will take your wise advice to take care of me, while taking care of him.

kittykatkay, (((hugs))) back to you, your post made me cry, but in a good way. I'm very touched. You were, and always will be an incredible daughter, and your mother was blessed. I am sure she was so very proud of you and thankful for your care.

Okay, time to dry these eyes, put on some bullet-proof mascara and get back over there.

Jules, you can do it, babydoll....oh yes you can. We're here for you always...don't forget that, ever. Check in and we can hopefully make you feel better if you're ever having one of those days, okay? Meanwhile...............

[Preds]

Jules ... I really can't add to what everyone has already said except that you are doing what you can and I'm sure your dad knows it in his heart. I would like to send you and dad huge hugs and blessings and prayers. You both will need to regain your strengths in order to make it through this tough time. You can do it and he can, too. One step or two at a time sweetie. Look for support everywhere. If you need to cry .... CRY! If you need to scream ... Scream! Hug yourself every day. It's a rough road and you do what you need to do to get down that road.

[pitdakota]

Aw Jules, I just so hate to hear this. What an absolutely horrible situation!

If there is any way you can bring him home, I would encourage you to do so. I know you would not want to discuss financial situations and don't mean to here, so depending on what you might be able to afford maybe I can offer a few suggestions:

*There are a number of agencies out there now that offer care giving services in the home. Some offer skilled care and others just have non-skilled care givers. These agencies are different than home health agencies. 2 that are big in my regional area are Home Instead, and Visiting Angels, They can provide care for just a couple of hours a day one day a week with hourly fees or round the clock care. The advantage is that if you just need someone for 3 hours a day for one day a week, they will contract to provide those services. I have no idea if they are available in your area or not, but I would be the odds are something like this is in your area. I am not personally endorsing those services, although I do have to say that I did use Home Instead to keep my father home for a couple of years and they were great.

The down side is that Medicare will not cover these types of services although long term care insurance will.

**There is a catch to getting home health services covered by Medicare. Medicare will not cover services that are considered custodial in nature and there needs to a reason for skilled nursing, physical therapy, or occupational therapy to be ordered in the home for Medicare to cover. However, it does sound like your father might have a chance of the doctor ordering something with skilled nursing or physical therapy that would be covered for a limited time. If you could get him approved for home health care under Medicare they would also send an aide several times a week to assist with bathing and dressing which would be a help. You could certainly speak to his regular physician and see if he could come up with a good plan to have him evaluated for home health services under Medicare. People in the docs office might also be good sources of information and help. I should also point out that this should be his regular physician that was taking care of him in the hospital in case his care has been turned over to another doc to follow him while he is in the nursing home. If that is the case, the doc in the nursing home wouldn't be much help in this regard.

**If nothing else you can work on getting him transferred to another nursing home. Almost all states have a state agency that regulates long term care agencies and releases the ratings on a website. You could try to find that. Those sites would tell you how well these facilities did in terms of hours of nursing care, meeting basic standards, and any complaints filed against them. That might give you a source of information to evaluate other nursing homes if this is an option.

**If he has to stay there, you can request a care plan meeting. That meeting should include the director of nursing, social services, dietary, etc. During that meeting you can insist that certain goals be established such as will eat at least 60% of each meal (then you request a record of his dietary intake be maintained). It also allows you to verbalize your concerns that no one is helping him eat or encouraging him to eat which also allows the nursing home to establish other goals for the staff related to his eating. You could also address your concerns about his falling out of bed and ask that certain interventions be carried out to prevent your Dad from falling out of bed. Certain goals there can also be identified such as the bed alarm will be on at all times; someone from the facility responds within 5 minutes of the alarm sounding, etc.

Major disadvantage of that is that interventions and goals can be set, but that doesn't mean it will change anything. Except that if they think you know the lingo and will hold them to these interventions it might help some, but it is no guarantee.

Obviously this is sub-standard care and your father deserves so much more. I would certainly encourage you to evaluate other options such as transferring him to another facility or taking him home.

Oh, and after your father is no longer there....file a complaint (be specific with dates, names, situation) with the appropriate agency in your state that regulates nursing homes.

Best wishes to you and your father Jules. You have to be beyond exhausted at this point as well as being worried out of your mind.

[NoelSeven]

I'm so glad pitdakota is on this board. Her insight and knowledge are invaluable

[Elstongunn]

Jules, I have been where you've been many times. It's a real eye-opener that will change your perspective forever.

I believe every nursing care / rehab facility has an Ombudsman assigned. It should be noted in their lobby or main hallway with name, contact info. Do not hesitate to contact this person as they are there to advocate for patients and families. I threatened to do that only once; I had the director of the facility and head of nursing falling over themselves trying to meet with me when before they wouldn't give me the time of day.

However, the most important thing is for you to try to get your dad out of there as soon as possible, which you are wisely doing.

I am fortunate to have a family with deep and broad medical backgrounds to help advise and educate me. I learned so much over the decades on how to protect my family in hospitals and rehab/nursing facilities, what to look out for, etc. And I learned how to be tough.

Your father is so lucky to have you at his side, and I know he knows it. I know the exhaustion you feel, and you don't even have the support I had, even though it was long-distance. I am sending positive vibes to you for physical and emotional support.

[------]

Sorry about your father Jules. I went through something similar with my mother. The lack of quality of elder care in this country is atrocious. Prayers for the both of you.

[------]

On 3/30/2014 NoelSeven said:

I'm so glad pitdakota is on this board. Her insight and knowledge are invaluable

Ditto that!

[LyndaGee]

Hope things improve for your father, Jules. I'll be praying for you and your family.