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Jules, my heart goes out to you and your Dad. Sadly, the conditions you describe are not the exception.
I am employed in the health field. Without going into great detail, several years ago I had an elderly relative who was hospitalized and he too was told he needed to go to an extended care facility for therapy due to his general weakness, some confusion and unsteadiness when he walked. Having medical knowledge I knew that much of this was due to the post-op pain medication he was taking and the lack of regular activity for 4 days. I insisted on taking him home. I really think they thought I was insane but since I am in the medical field they didn't fight me on it. His case manager was clearly annoyed. The first few days were hellish but I had another family member to assist me. We had him sleep on the floor with padding to avoid falls, we patiently corrected him when he made no sense and I found that his pain was relieved just fine with Tylenol so the narcotics were not used. I made his favorite foods and made sure he ate them. I also made sure he drank plenty of water and juices as a big cause of confusion in the elderly is dehydration. We walked with him when he needed to get up and at night I slept in a chair next to where he was on the floor so I would be wakened by his getting up.
A week later he was still weak but able to get about the house pretty well and he was much less confused. Two weeks later he was his old self and to this day he thanks me for not letting him be sent to the nursing facility. We both know that he would have gone the route of your poor father. I have all the empathy in the world for people like yourself who have no one at home to help them.We have seen it happen to others. It's not that the facility staff don't care. It's just the way the system is run and the reality of the situation.
Wow you are very special Blue...truly!
Thank you,croemer. I think it was one of those situations where you do what your heart tells you that you must and having medical knowledge and someone to help me was huge. Otherwise even with the best of intentions I'm not sure it would have been possible.
((((Jules and kittykatkay))))
((((Jules and kittykatkay))))
Blue....Suga...it was HARD some days (my sister was still working and I had little help)...very little help. But I knew My Lord & Savior would give me the strength and honey child, my MOM was NOT going into a nursing home if it took every breathe left in my body to take care of her. I'd do it all again, just to see her sweet beautiful face.
(((Jules))), I had no idea what you were going thru. I hung on every word of your post and I must say I am praying for your (((Dad))). You are truly an army of one and are doing a spectacular job and so devoted to your dear Dad. I'm sure he appreciates it.
I also read BlueCollarBabe's post and feel that with the proper attention hopefully your Dad can be restored to his previous condition. I think getting home health is a good idea.
In the meantime, please keep us updated as you can. Please know there are many here who care so much about you and your dad...we are "here" for you as much as we can be. I'm sure many more have read your post and said silent prayers even if they didn't post.
Jules, my heart goes out to you and your Dad. Sadly, the conditions you describe are not the exception.
I am employed in the health field. Without going into great detail, several years ago I had an elderly relative who was hospitalized and he too was told he needed to go to an extended care facility for therapy due to his general weakness, some confusion and unsteadiness when he walked. Having medical knowledge I knew that much of this was due to the post-op pain medication he was taking and the lack of regular activity for 4 days. I insisted on taking him home. I really think they thought I was insane but since I am in the medical field they didn't fight me on it. His case manager was clearly annoyed. The first few days were hellish but I had another family member to assist me. We had him sleep on the floor with padding to avoid falls, we patiently corrected him when he made no sense and I found that his pain was relieved just fine with Tylenol so the narcotics were not used. I made his favorite foods and made sure he ate them. I also made sure he drank plenty of water and juices as a big cause of confusion in the elderly is dehydration. We walked with him when he needed to get up and at night I slept in a chair next to where he was on the floor so I would be wakened by his getting up.
A week later he was still weak but able to get about the house pretty well and he was much less confused. Two weeks later he was his old self and to this day he thanks me for not letting him be sent to the nursing facility. We both know that he would have gone the route of your poor father. I have all the empathy in the world for people like yourself who have no one at home to help them.We have seen it happen to others. It's not that the facility staff don't care. It's just the way the system is run and the reality of the situation.
Wow you are very special Blue...truly!
Thank you,croemer. I think it was one of those situations where you do what your heart tells you that you must and having medical knowledge and someone to help me was huge. Otherwise even with the best of intentions I'm not sure it would have been possible.
Croemer is right Blue, you are truly very special!!! I sure wish my dad's situation was the exception but I know that would be naive. I also appreciate your thoughts, considering you have experience in the healthcare field. I don't expect my dad to get individual, around the clock care like private nursing, and if I could afford that of course that would be what I would do for both of us. There are days I wonder if I can keep my sanity with all the stress, but then I remind myself that he is my priority, and I won't have him forever. He has lived a good long life, but he is a wonderful man who provided and always cared more for others, and he deserves better, so I owe it to him.
I think you are totally correct, and I need to trust my gut instincts. Much of his confusion was initially caused by certain meds... he was on painkillers and antibiotics, but now he is just back to his Aricept and Parkinson's meds. He has never had confusion this bad, but his brain is starving so of course it isn't going to think clearly. I certainly know my dad better than any of those people (they don't know what he was like before and have nothing to use as a comparison) and while it will be extremely difficult to bring him home when he isn't completely mobile, I know I can dig deep and manage. I asked his doctor that has known my dad for years, he had a follow-up last Tuesday... so I asked him to be brutally honest with me, if he thought I could manage dad at home on my own, since he is fully aware of our situation. He looked me dead in the eye and told me "I think it will be close" so close is good enough for me. My dad is tough stuff and he built me strong, I can figure out close. I'll have to change the routine, get some help, it will be a new ballgame, but like you said... I think back in his own environment, with his own smells, and comforts and his own tv that he can watch whatever he wants when he wants, and I can cook for him... it will be slow, but I think we can do this. What was that old story about the turtle and the hare? Slow and steady wins the race? I'll figure out a way to make it work, because the alternative is not acceptable to me.
Thank you for your input, and good thoughts.
*typos*
Jules, I read your entire post and my heart is breaking for you and your Dad. We went through much of the same with my FIL but one time when DH was there trying to get him to eat, some little trainee reported it as abuse to the state or county, whatever it was. We had to go to them in person and explain and if it wasn't for one girl who witnessed it, and told the state what really happened, we would have been in trouble.
We moved him in a few days and we had an Ombudsman for the Elderly come out during the whole move, so no one else could accuse us of anything. He liked it there, but after about a month Sadly, he did fall out of bed, broke his hip, and died at the hospital.
So be careful, you never know. Bring him home now, it isn't worth it having him there. You can get some kind of homehealth care I know. Talk to your doctor, he will know, also can get medical type equipment through Medicare, I.E. shower chair, hospital bed, walker etc.
I would also report them to the state for not providing proper care.
You are such an amazing daughter, your strength and love is unbelievable, and you both will get through this. You have done all you can do and I'm sorry you have no one to help you.
It is obvious so many here also are sending good thoughts and prayers for you both. God bless you both.
mm
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