Re: The Elderly

qualitygal · ‎10-04-2010

@AKgirl2 wrote:
A couple of years after mom passed, I moved dad from FL to our home in UT. He lived with us for four years, until the decision was made to place him in assisted living, dad was 90 at the time. He had health issues, surgeries that led to declining mobility and I wasn't able to give him the supervision and care he needed. Dad was falling a lot, needed help with bathing, etc. Between family, work, and dad it became overwhelming. To this day, I still feel bad and guilty about putting him in assisted living. I don't think he forgave me for that. Pop lived to be 93❤️

@AKgirl2, for those of us, that have to go through that, I feel on some level, the older parent knows, when we (you and me) physically can no longer give them the care they need. My dad would have been the first to make me feel bad, but you know what, he didn't and on his own level of understanding he knew he got the care I couldn't physically give him. You need to get over the guilt and realize that you gave him all you could. Seeing that he had the proper care, is one of the last great things we can do for them. I am sure your dad knew you did it out of love for him. He wouldn't want you to carry that with you for the rest of your days. I'm convinced of that.

qualitygal · ‎10-04-2010

@ShowMe wrote:
Guess you can put me in the elderly category.....will be 77 the end of May.

I live alone.....but am able to do only so much. Some things I need help with.....laundry and making sure my apartment is kept clean. None of this help is free or paid for by Medicare......

Do my own grocery shopping (via riding cart), have assistance with putting it in my car, but get it out to bring into my apartment on my own....most of the time.

My mind is still pretty darn sharp.....oh, sometimes I have a chemo moment (that's what I call it), but am able to remember everything I wasn't able to at the moment. I pay all my own bills.....and am usually on time with them.

As many of you know, I have been undergoing treatments every other week for cancer. I drive myself to and from the treatments.....and most of the time to my other doctor appointments....except for when I go to my retina specialist and to the hospital for a Pet scan. Have been told to not drive at night, so I don't. As far as the cancer treatments, I will be on them the rest of my life....told this by my oncologist. So, as long as I can drive myself, I will. Will cross that bridge when I get to it.

As far as family goes, it is getting smaller. My sister nor I either one had children.....do have some cousins that are all getting older too. Have lost a few of them, and we really do miss them. None of our parents or aunts and uncles are living any longer.

I consider myself very blessed.....have quite a few very loving friends, and wonderful neighbors that do different things for me. Plus, have the love of all the posters on Mr. Lucky's thread. They are wonderful friends that have been here for me from the beginning of this battle with cancer.

About the phone thing. I never answer calls if I don't know the party calling. Have caller ID, which is a blessing in its self.....

I have always been pretty independent, and find it difficult to ask for help.....but have been doing that more and more lately.

Keep reading, work puzzles, etc.....keep your mind going as long as you can.

Good for you!!! I'm sending you a huge hug, and you get an "atta girl". Wishing you the best. Wonder if a local church in your area might have some women who might be willing to assist you if you need it. Just a thought!!

AKgirl2 · ‎05-24-2016

@qualitygal wrote:
@AKgirl2 wrote:
A couple of years after mom passed, I moved dad from FL to our home in UT. He lived with us for four years, until the decision was made to place him in assisted living, dad was 90 at the time. He had health issues, surgeries that led to declining mobility and I wasn't able to give him the supervision and care he needed. Dad was falling a lot, needed help with bathing, etc. Between family, work, and dad it became overwhelming. To this day, I still feel bad and guilty about putting him in assisted living. I don't think he forgave me for that. Pop lived to be 93❤️
@AKgirl2, for those of us, that have to go through that, I feel on some level, the older parent knows, when we (you and me) physically can no longer give them the care they need. My dad would have been the first to make me feel bad, but you know what, he didn't and on his own level of understanding he knew he got the care I couldn't physically give him. You need to get over the guilt and realize that you gave him all you could. Seeing that he had the proper care, is one of the last great things we can do for them. I am sure your dad knew you did it out of love for him. He wouldn't want you to carry that with you for the rest of your days. I'm convinced of that.

@qualitygal ~ thank you for your kindness. Maybe he knew I couldn't do it all anymore, but he never gave up hope to come back home, because he never stopped asking😔

qualitygal · ‎10-04-2010

@AKgirl2, my dad was in a nursing home at the end. He wanted to always know if we'd sold the house. He was worried about where my brother would live, since he'd come home from Texas to stay at dad's house and help me with dad. I think to know, if they ever had to go home, or could, it would still be there for them.

AKgirl2 · ‎05-24-2016

@qualitygal wrote:
@AKgirl2, my dad was in a nursing home at the end. He wanted to always know if we'd sold the house. He was worried about where my brother would live, since he'd come home from Texas to stay at dad's house and help me with dad. I think to know, if they ever had to go home, or could, it would still be there for them.

@qualitygal ~ I can't imagine how difficult and heartbreaking it is to let go of your life in chunks like that. I saw the fear in his eyes thinking he would be abandoned at some point. It's all just so very sad.

happycat · ‎09-18-2010

@AKgirl2, that is horrible.

My mother has an elderly friend who needed help. Her daughter, in another town, somehow came up with this woman to hire. The grandon who lives local had been going over regularly and helping his grandmother. For some reason, he just stopped with the employment of these two. The woman and her husband ened up moving in with this woman, to be there at night with her.

When grandson finally went to visit grandma, she was not in her right mind. The family took her to a hospital, she was admitted and put in the psychiatric wing. As they cared for her, she got better and better. The nurse told the family she had been DRUGGED. I don't know with what. Aside from that, the caretakers had sold her car, her good jewelry is gone and she told me my mother that she doesn't even have enough bed linens to have company come and spend the night, there's more but I can't remember.

The police are involved, there is a court date, and for some reason, the date keeps getting moved postponed. I really think they should have been arrested and charged with attempted murder.

I can't believe people.

bonnielu · ‎03-11-2010

I am probably one of the Elderly. And yes, one scam a minute. I have phone records to prove it. I also have an app for my cell phone that identifies and eliminates the calls.. robo and more. On my home phone I just block by using a number code. Never stops them. My friend got caught up in just saying YES when he answered the phone. They asked him a question that required a yes or no. Long story short....he had to get a lawyer.

I am one of the lucky ones.. me and hubby. We are dancers... ballroom and square dancers. We dance almost every night of the week. And I tell everyone I am twelve... never got out of the 6th grade (retired school teacher). Health cannot always be controlled but finding something to do, to keep up with life is an option that I will not give up.

HiLo · ‎03-10-2010

@Noel7 wrote:
@Elvita wrote:
I think it is a shame we keep our elderly alive beyond their prime and ship them off to facilities where they walk around like zombies, only to have them that bleed them dry out of their life's savings.
*******************************

@Elvita

What's your alternative?

I'd like an answer to the above question too, Fireball.

bonnielu · ‎03-11-2010

@happycat

"There is no greater wealth in this world than peace of mind." MY FATHER USED TO SAY THAT. HE SAID IT IN A SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT WAY THAT TOOK ME LONG AFTER HE PASSED TO DECIFER. He said " the greatest gift of G-d is a good nights sleep." Took me awhle, but it meant as I see it... don't do anything that will hurt anyone or regret so sleep will come easy because your peace of mind will never be shattered.

He also taught me to always put people first, not things and I woiuld have a happy life.

He died when I was very young. Following his path I am truly blessed. And I sleep well.

Zita · ‎05-24-2011

@Just Bling

Not only is your post insulting, it's condescending and disingenuous. Believe me, those whom you categorize( generalize) as "elderly" might be able to teach you a thing or two..

Go help people who ask for help, not your phony sentimental drivel. I'm thinking of the homeless, the abused, the harrassed young mothers who have too many children. Or maybe, just get a job to keep your mind off other people.

You say you aren't mean,but I think you are the bullying type.