Community Chat

[violann]

This USED to be SO SIMPLE.

If you received an invitation for a meal and knew you wouldn’t be able to eat the food, you’d accept the invitation, slip a half sandwich into a pocket or purse, eat anything you could safely, and enjoy the company of other invitees.

No one would know about your personal issue(s), and NOBODY WOULD CARE.

NOW, your personal issue has to become the problem of the host and the other guests.

Although I truly understand the issues of allergies, I have never personally encountered ANYONE who suffered personal long term suffering because they were missing the meal that non allergic people were eating.

Over the years I have lived with fairly stringent food limitations, and lived to tell the story.

Why has this all of a sudden become such a thing?

[violann]

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@Anita Hug wrote:

I have some severe food allergies, but I would never expect a hostess to cater to my restrictions. I have, on the other hand, had a hostess get offended if I want to bring a dish. Or if I ask whether or not a dish has a certain ingredient in it before I put it on my plate.  I'm not trying to be picky or insulting! I'm trying to enjoy the meal and partake of as many of the delicious items as possible. I can't do that unless I know what is in them! 

So if I ask what kind of nuts those are in that jello salad concoction (or if there are any at all in the sweet potatoes or stuffing), I need to know! Even one bite will ruin the dinner for everyone present if I'm not careful. Please respect that I have the allergies and may need to ask some questions, but do not worry beyond that - you have enough work to do.

Those responses to the invitation were out of line, and you would not be wrong to let them know that their requests simply can not be met.  

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Just goes to show that a host can be just as ignorant and unkind as a guest.

We recently had a case of a child in a nearby city who died after eating a grilled cheese sandwich served to him in a daycare. That’s serious allergy.

Courtesy is the art of treating associates, whether as host or as guest, as you yourself would like to be treated.

[SXMGirl]

@TenderMercies, since you send a letter out, next year you might want to include the menu and let them know that if they have special dietary requests that they are more than welcome to bring a dish or two that they can eat and that everyone might enjoy.  

You are very lucky that anyone responds with an RSVP today.  Many people of all ages have not been taught the basic courtesy of responding to an invitation.

[AuntG]

My answer would be that the menu is traditional Thanksgiving fare.  Sorry.

[TheMemphisVette]

i know many on resticted diets for one reason or another.   they are fully aware of how to deal with their issues. i can't recall any of them not going to a function due to this or making demands of the hosts.

[Blahblahvampemer]

What I do is have about half a meal before I go, and if I eat more, that's fine.  If I don't eat much that's okay, too.  I would never think of dictating the menu.

[qvcaddition]

God, eat veggies.  When I met my husband in 1956, he was raised a vegetarian, not popular back then, and he didn,t want to tell me.   We would go out for breakfast and he would order eggs and because it came with sausage or bacon, he would give it to me.  

After a few months, he confessed.  We were going to my Grandmother,s for Minestrone dinner.   I made a couple of vegetarian meals to bring and he could have the salad and dessert.  We had a hard time going out to eat, but never asked for a separate meal.  There was no computer or receipts or ALEXIA. ECHO to cook vegetarian meals, just using your brain to create.  Today every body has something different going on.  Some legit and some a fad of the season.

My husband and mother in law both died of colon cancer.

[sunala]

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@Mj12 wrote:

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@TenderMercies wrote:

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@AngusandBuddhasMom wrote:

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@TenderMercies wrote:

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@AngusandBuddhasMom wrote:

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@TenderMercies wrote:

I work for an organization that employs a lot of people who come to my city to do their job for short periods of time, then move on to other cities or return home.  I currently have a dozen employees who are in town through the beginning of December.  A long time member of my board of directors has invited these employees to her home for Thanksgiving dinner.  I sent an email out to these employees to let them know about the invitation and to RSVP, so I can do a head count.  At least 3 of these people responded saying things like, "I'm gluten free, so I'll need options" and "I'd like to request either a fish or vegetarian meal."  Is it wrong that I'm angry about this?  I can understand these requests if this were a working dinner on any normal day, but a dinner hosted by a board member on Thanksgiving?  I don't want to be rude to them, but I feel like saying "It's Thanksgiving dinner, folks. You get turkey and the usual fixins.  Accept it as it is, or make other plans."  Can you believe the nerve of some people?    

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Does the board member who is extending the invite know you have a problem with the responses you are getting? Maybe she is OK with knowing about the requests.

If you have a serious food allergy like Celiac or you are a vegan or pescatarian then the "usual thanksgiving" choices are not the same as you seem to think they are. 

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@AngusandBuddhasMom If you are a pescatarian or vegetarian, then you can eat stuffing, mashed potatoes, salad, vegetables, etc.  If you are gluten free, you can eat turkey, mashed potatoes, salad, vegetables, etc.  I am not asking a board member to make special meals for these people when there will already be plenty of options.

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If people have certain dietary restrictions then maybe they were asking because they don't want to accept and then find out they can't eat certain things.

My DD has celiac I know she is used to doing with out and not asking. People seem confused as to what is and isn't allowed. Some people are more bold then others I see no reason to take offense.

For religious reasons we don't eat pork or any meat on Fridays. I never say anything if out or at a company function. I just look to see what I can have and make do. No big deal. That said  when people notice they make a big deal about it and seem to take a personal offense to it. I don't know how my abstaining from certain foods reflects on them but apparently it does.

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@AngusandBuddhasMom  It's Thanksgiving.  It's the one day of the year when you absolutely know what kind of food will be on the menu.  As I stated, there will be plenty of options for people who have dietary restrictions.  If you have these restrictions and you understand what Thanksgiving dinner means, then you know there will be something for you to eat.  It's not about their restrictions, it's about the audacity of them to expect special treatment under these specific circumstance, especially when they know they will not go hungry.  

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I don't think I'd call it expecting special treatment, to bring up their food allergies and sensitivities before the dinner.  Some people can get very physically ill.

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@Mj12- I didn't read that there were food allergies and sensitivities. I read vegetarian and pescatarian, which is a preference, not an allergy and they won't die from these foods. 

I used to enjoy cooking dinners for friends and family, and they always ate what I served. Today I don't bother because there are just too many restrictions. I am not a restaurant; I'm one person who is cooking dinner, and I don't have the strength or the patience to cater to every guest who is on Weight Watchers or Atkins, or doesn't eat carbs, or doesn't like meat or won't eat chicken or anything fried. Sorry, I'm done. 

These people sound like pains in the butt, but yes I would still tell the hostess their responses, and let her deal with it.

[TenderMercies]

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@sunala wrote:

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@Mj12 wrote:

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@TenderMercies wrote:

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@AngusandBuddhasMom wrote:

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@TenderMercies wrote:

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@AngusandBuddhasMom wrote:

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@TenderMercies wrote:

I work for an organization that employs a lot of people who come to my city to do their job for short periods of time, then move on to other cities or return home.  I currently have a dozen employees who are in town through the beginning of December.  A long time member of my board of directors has invited these employees to her home for Thanksgiving dinner.  I sent an email out to these employees to let them know about the invitation and to RSVP, so I can do a head count.  At least 3 of these people responded saying things like, "I'm gluten free, so I'll need options" and "I'd like to request either a fish or vegetarian meal."  Is it wrong that I'm angry about this?  I can understand these requests if this were a working dinner on any normal day, but a dinner hosted by a board member on Thanksgiving?  I don't want to be rude to them, but I feel like saying "It's Thanksgiving dinner, folks. You get turkey and the usual fixins.  Accept it as it is, or make other plans."  Can you believe the nerve of some people?    

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Does the board member who is extending the invite know you have a problem with the responses you are getting? Maybe she is OK with knowing about the requests.

If you have a serious food allergy like Celiac or you are a vegan or pescatarian then the "usual thanksgiving" choices are not the same as you seem to think they are. 

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@AngusandBuddhasMom If you are a pescatarian or vegetarian, then you can eat stuffing, mashed potatoes, salad, vegetables, etc.  If you are gluten free, you can eat turkey, mashed potatoes, salad, vegetables, etc.  I am not asking a board member to make special meals for these people when there will already be plenty of options.

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If people have certain dietary restrictions then maybe they were asking because they don't want to accept and then find out they can't eat certain things.

My DD has celiac I know she is used to doing with out and not asking. People seem confused as to what is and isn't allowed. Some people are more bold then others I see no reason to take offense.

For religious reasons we don't eat pork or any meat on Fridays. I never say anything if out or at a company function. I just look to see what I can have and make do. No big deal. That said  when people notice they make a big deal about it and seem to take a personal offense to it. I don't know how my abstaining from certain foods reflects on them but apparently it does.

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@AngusandBuddhasMom  It's Thanksgiving.  It's the one day of the year when you absolutely know what kind of food will be on the menu.  As I stated, there will be plenty of options for people who have dietary restrictions.  If you have these restrictions and you understand what Thanksgiving dinner means, then you know there will be something for you to eat.  It's not about their restrictions, it's about the audacity of them to expect special treatment under these specific circumstance, especially when they know they will not go hungry.  

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I don't think I'd call it expecting special treatment, to bring up their food allergies and sensitivities before the dinner.  Some people can get very physically ill.

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@Mj12- I didn't read that there were food allergies and sensitivities. I read vegetarian and pescatarian, which is a preference, not an allergy and they won't die from these foods. 

I used to enjoy cooking dinners for friends and family, and they always ate what I served. Today I don't bother because there are just too many restrictions. I am not a restaurant; I'm one person who is cooking dinner, and I don't have the strength or the patience to cater to every guest who is on Weight Watchers or Atkins, or doesn't eat carbs, or doesn't like meat or won't eat chicken or anything fried. Sorry, I'm done. 

These people sound like pains in the butt, but yes I would still tell the hostess their responses, and let her deal with it.

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@sunala I used to love to invite the visiting temporary employees over for dinner parties all the time.  I would make prime rib, beef Wellington, paella, you name it.  The wine would flow, I’d make a cheesecake, and they’d stumble back to their hotel after a fun night.  About 8 years ago, I invited the visiting group to Easter dinner, and one of the employees let me know that he was a diabetic, gluten-free vegan.  I thought, “What the heck am I going to do now?”  I dug out my Moosewood cookbook and made all kinds of veggie and rice dishes.  I went to Whole Foods and picked up gluten-free and sugar-free desserts, and I even made sugar-free sorbet in my ice cream maker.  I made ham for every one else who also ate the veggie dishes and snacked on cheese and kielbasa for appetizers.  The diabetic, gluten-free employee was very grateful for the dishes I prepared for him that day, but I vowed to never put myself through the hassle of accommodating another group for dinner except if I know for sure that I won’t have to prepare a second menu to be a good host.  Every time I contemplate doing even a cocktail party with light hors d'oeuvres, I read someone’s medical form and realize that I’d have to spend extra time and money to accommodate everyone’s needs.  Nope.  I’ll keep the hundreds of bucks I’d spend on food and liquor.  The kitchen is closed.

[Mominohio]

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@Stormygirl wrote:

Ironic I just received an invitation to a no meat vegetarian Thanksgiving meal.....do not know what is going to be served exactly....just that is no fish, no meat, no butter vegetarian. Very nice of them to invite me. They do have a w/c ramp too. 

Just a question..Should I write to say I am on a medically ordered high protein low carb diet and am allergic to nuts? (I am allergic to nuts) Should I ask that they include "other options" including a meat?  I think I will thank them and go enjoy myself.....will ask while there what dish has nuts or not. I will not bring any meat dish as I know that will offend them. They will not cook any meat in their home due to their strong beliefs. I can always eat when I get home...just will enjoy the experience. I will respect them while in their home as they are work friends and not family. I am not insulted.

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True grace, as always @Stormygirl.

I had several years where I had very strict dietary restrictions because of illness, and when I went out or to someone's home, it was very tricky to stay within what I needed to for my health. 

I found myself turning down certain invitations, or if familiar enough with the people and wanting to enjoy their company, I would eat before I went, then just have something to drink or nibble on the few things they might  have than I could eat. Often when going to relatives, I would bring my own food, and they understood, as it was for health reasons at the time. 

I never remember when growing up, people having so many food restrictions. I never knew anyone with a food allergy, or hearing about gluten or even ever knew a vegetarian. Boy that was another life time ago!