Community Chat

[SharkE]

use Covid as an excuse to not go over there. Nobody is gonna argue with that. Lets U off the hook. I wouldn't want to be around people that has young adults or teenagers anyway.

[chickenbutt]

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@happycat wrote:

Boundaries. Your friend should not get to decide how YOU spend the holidays. Or any other days. 

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ITA with everybody here and especially this.

You do what YOU want to do.  I would just politely decline, if I didn't want to go.  You don't even owe an explanation but that's up to you.  

I don't really have any family, either, and I'm pretty sure the last thing I would want to do would be hang with other peoples' families for holidays.

[Porcelain]

With your friends, why not just do drive bys and see each other from a distance, and safely swap dishes with each other? It doesn't have to be all or nothing. You don't have to go inside and be up close with a bunch of maskless people for hours at a time.

If it's worth it for them to go out of their way to host you, surely it would also be worth it to see you and give you their love and support in a safer way.

Creativity is the best way to deal with adversity.

[SouthernBee]

@JenJenMO1971 : Start your own tradition. This year you have a good excuse for this year. Then compose a thoughtful and thank you letter to everyone explaining effective January 2021 you will be celebrating each monthly holiday to start  new and looking forward to having precious memories.🙏🤗❤️

[Mom2Dogs]

@JenJenMO1971   I invite a single friend to our home for the two major holidays, except Thanksgiving...generally we take a short vacation during that time.  We are close friend of 50+ years (school age friends)

I always invite by saying you are welcome to spend the day here if you want to...no pressure at all.  It's usually my friend, dh and me and occasionally my step daughter shows up.  

Personally I'd like to quit hosting...I have never enjoyed cooking for others and when it's the holiday, well it's a bigger meal and pressure.

Just not a lot of fun for me...I've been doing it for years.

Just be honest with your friend...I would not feel bad if my friend declined.

[Still Raining]

Doing what you think best for you is always a good option.

This is a good year to decline invitations anyway.  Certainly not prudent to mingle.

[catter70]

I think if that's what you want, then that's what you should do.   

[hckynut]

@JenJenMO1971 

Your question at the very end. NO!

hckynut(john)

[willdob3]

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@SharkE wrote:

use Covid as an excuse to not go over there. Nobody is gonna argue with that. Lets U off the hook. I wouldn't want to be around people that has young adults or teenagers anyway.

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If necessary, this can be a good option. They can’t win this argument. 

Then, when they invite you next year, you can honestly let them know that you enjoyed this year on your own for the holiday(s) that you decided to make it a tradition. 

[noodleann]

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@JenJenMO1971 wrote:

I am single and both of my parents have now passed away so I am now alone for the holidays.

One of my friends invited me for Thanksgiving this year, which is super nice and I am grateful for her offer but she thinks I owe it to her to go to her house for every holiday now that my family is gone.  I, however, think it's important for me to  start my own holiday traditions that I can build memories on.

Last year, she gracciously invited me for Christmas, which I accepted. The whole time I was there, even though her family was lovely to me, being around someone else's family just made me miss my famiy so much. I realized then and there that starting this year, I needed to start my own holiday traditions.

I am blessed to have many friends reach out and offer me to spend the holidays with them and I've been trying to think of a way to see all of them, in the middle of Covid of course.

I am considering dropping by each of  their houses for an hour or so on Thanksgiving, including my friend, so I can see everybody and then going home to enjoy my own home-cooked dinner for Thanksgiving night.

Am I selfish for starting my own traditions and doing things this way? My friend gets her feelings hurt if things aren't done her way. She's sees it as me rejecting her, which is not the case at all.

Is it selfish to start your own traditions when it comes to the holidays?

I would love feedback. Thanks!

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How nice to work out how you want to start celebrating the holidays in your new status!

Not nice that anyone is putting pressure on you to conform to their idea of what your holiday should be.

Since we're in the midst of a terrible pandemic, it is not appropriate to go from house to house. Besides, those visits could be draining in actuality, and your dinner at home a sad afterthought. 

I'd make the dinner the central piece of the day. Place brief calls to the friends, if you feel like it, to wish them a happy Thanksgiving--or get a card in the mail to each of them this week. But I would not say anything about making other traditions, because that could be an opening that enables them to say, "Why wouldn't you make us part of your new tradition?" And then it gets awkward.

"Thank you so much for thinking of me, but I have other plans. Have a wonderful day!" is truthful and perfectly adequate.

I'm a singleton and I put the kaibosh on pity invitations a long time ago. The friends thought they were doing me a favor; I wanted only to be home, watching an old movie, doling out bits of my Marie Callender's dinner to the cat.