Community Chat

[mstyrion 1]

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@Noel7 wrote:

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@YorkieonmyPillow wrote:

@Annabellethecat66 Sounds like you had a great relationship with your daughters! I guess that's hard for some people to understand unless they experience it themselves.

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Why try to get in an insult at others?  Your claim is without foundation and not everyone has daughters.

That said, any anthropologist would tell you that that having relations is hardwired into a species for survival of the group.

Most people have sex because it is enjoyable and because some are young enough to have raging hormones.

And, I am willing to bet, most don't run and tell their mothers, and if they do, it certainly would not be an indicator of their maternal relationdhip.

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ITA, Noel.

Some kids might also tell their mothers only what they think their mothers want to hear. 

[Noel7]

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@mstyrion 1 wrote:

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@Noel7 wrote:

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@YorkieonmyPillow wrote:

@Annabellethecat66 Sounds like you had a great relationship with your daughters! I guess that's hard for some people to understand unless they experience it themselves.

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*****************************************

Why try to get in an insult at others?  Your claim is without foundation and not everyone has daughters.

That said, any anthropologist would tell you that that having relations is hardwired into a species for survival of the group.

Most people have sex because it is enjoyable and because some are young enough to have raging hormones.

And, I am willing to bet, most don't run and tell their mothers, and if they do, it certainly would not be an indicator of their maternal relationdhip.

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ITA, Noel.

Some kids might also tell their mothers only what they think their mothers want to hear. 

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Absolutely. 

What mother would ask an adult child, anyway? 

And I can't fathom why an adult child would volunteer the information, it's inappropriate imo.

[abbeythe 8th]

Just because your children say they haven't "done it" does not mean they are not engaging in some form of sex. I taught in an affluent, suburban high school.  The discussions I heard in homeroom Monday mornings would make some of your heads spin.  The nicest, the smartest, the quietest, the most religious went to parties on weekends.  Many saw nothing wrong with hooking up for the moment.

Most movies aimed at teens and even preteens make you think there is something wrong with you if you are not sexually active.  It is not unusual for parents to allow co-ed sleepovers.  Anyone who believes there is no hanky panky going on, needs to get their head out of the sand.

Our twins came of age in the 90's.  My husband and I made sure they knew the ramifications of what they may or may not do. We also made sure they were protected from unwanted pregnancies and disease.

You can find statistics to support anything.  There may be fewer teen pregnancies but I doubt it has much to do with teens abstaining from sex.

[YorkieonmyPillow]

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@Noel7 wrote:

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@mstyrion 1 wrote:

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@Noel7 wrote:

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@YorkieonmyPillow wrote:

@Annabellethecat66 Sounds like you had a great relationship with your daughters! I guess that's hard for some people to understand unless they experience it themselves.

---

*****************************************

Why try to get in an insult at others?  Your claim is without foundation and not everyone has daughters.

That said, any anthropologist would tell you that that having relations is hardwired into a species for survival of the group.

Most people have sex because it is enjoyable and because some are young enough to have raging hormones.

And, I am willing to bet, most don't run and tell their mothers, and if they do, it certainly would not be an indicator of their maternal relationdhip.

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__________________________________________________________

ITA, Noel.

Some kids might also tell their mothers only what they think their mothers want to hear. 

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Absolutely. 

What mother would ask an adult child, anyway? 

And I can't fathom why an adult child would volunteer the information, it's inappropriate imo.

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My son is 18 and I asked him.

We just have that kind of relationship.

It's great.

[truffle]

I always detested the expression hooking up and whenever some guy even one I liked used that line on me, I directed them to the nearest knot hole 'cause lots of trees around here that would suit them well enough for what they wanted.  My gf's always said "yeah!" So, kids are not all stupid and many interested in waiting for the right time with the right boy.  

[Tinkrbl44]

If it was discussed in this thread, I missed it, but what about the LEGAL ramifications of having secks with an underage partner?  

In most states that's statutory rape and makes the individual (or both of them?) ...... and could risk having to register as a seckual offender?   

Anyone have to deal with that ....?

[nun ya]

Well yeah. Tinder and all the other hook up sites don't help matters either.

And Netflix and chill is not watching movies

[Annabellethecat66]

@YorkieonmyPillow  I have a very good relationship with them.  Did I/we/us make mistakes?  You bet we sure did!  They remind me because (unfortunately my husband died) so I get to hear it.

One thing I've always done with my girls is be very, very honest with them.  They screwed up and I'd say, "Well, if I was perfect I could tell you how you'd messed up.  But since I'm not perfect and (obviously) you realize you messed up, let's move on".

This happened just the other day with my unmarried 35 year old daughter.  I'm pretty involved in her life because financially I help her out.  I don't ask about her finances (I say, "I have trouble with my own finances, I sure don't want to know your business".

We are all very outspoken.  I've allowed them to cuss in front of me (sometimes a word just fits).  However, they seldom do, especially since 2 of them are parents.

I accept them just the way they are.  We scream and yell at each other, say some things other people would have their mouths open at and then minutes later they'll call and it's as if nothing happened (sometimes they apologize, usually neither of us does).  Why not apologize?  Because that's how we felt at the time, it was raw and it was real.  I taught them, "If something or someone bothers you, tell them, then if they can fix it they will (or they'll tell you why) but if they don't fix it or address it then you know they just don't give a ******.  But at least they will know.....don't assume they know, it's not fair.

You have no idea how my family (extended is).  We are very outspoken people.  We are very, very forgiving.  I saw my little sister in a store the other day.  I had not seen her for many months.  It was a total surprise, but you'd have thought we were together minutes before.  Just the way we are.  Always, family first, always.

So, no one has a perfect life, not even close to it.  The main thing I have with my girls is honesty and they know that no matter what they do or where they go I will always be there for them and love them forever.

I have had a lot of people say, "Will you adopt me?  I want to be your kid".  Because I give my girls everything.  I then say back, "Be careful what you wish for.  You have to put up with a lot to be my kid".  I don't hold back.  If I see something I think is wrong, I wait until the right time and then I tell them. (like I said, then they know).  

Here's my motto:  I have no agenda.  I gain nothing from telling you my opinion.  I only have your best interest in my heart.  I will always be honest with you.  But if you don't want to know, don't ask.  

That has caused problems too.  My oldest daughter said to me one day, "Mom, you're rolling your eyes around.  What are you trying to say?"  Ha!  I said, "Well, like I've always told you, if I have something on my mind I'll tell you.  I don't know what you saw, but I think it was your imagination".  Isn't that funny?

Mothers and daughters are so attuned to each other it's weird, I think.  Just sounds on the phone and I know if something is going on.  They'll call and go on and on about their husbands.  I love their husbands but I listen, just listen.  Then they have to go and it isn't mentioned (just as it should be, letting off steam).  It stays between us, not their sisters.

I never think anyone should think someone else is so good at being a mom and/or Dad.  No one is good at it, we all do our best.  

Right before Christmas my friend and I were eating at Olive Garden.  She is totally opposite from me.  I love people, I love talking to people, people tell me very private things, strangers do.  I told her I could never go away with her because she'd hate me because I talk to everyone.  Anyway, this young waitress started talking to me and she'd just broken up with her live in boyfriend.  She has two young daughters (not his) and was worried about them.  She was crying and apologizing.  I told her to relax.  I said, "You sound like a good mother.  You are doing the best you can (she goes to school and works 2 jobs).  If you do your best your girls will see you are doing your best.  They will grow up respecting you.  Then I got up, gave her a hug and said, (Smiling), "Besides it doesn't matter what we say or do, they're going to come through this with their own perspective, as they see it.  I don't know anyone who isn't screwed up in the head a little, so don't be so hard on yourself".

She gave me another hug and said, "I don't know why I told you all of this and why I'm crying".  I said, "Because I'm a stranger.  I won't judge you and you just needed someone to talk to and release your emotions.  You're doing good, accept that."

It just makes sense, right?  Who in the name of heaven isn't messed up in the head some?  Right?  Who's perfect?  

I also believe there's a place in heave called "Mother Heaven".  That's where we will go!  Ha!

Parting words:  Besides it's fun when you can whisper in your head...."Payback".  I did that (out loud) when my daughter told me her youngest put the pebbles from the fish tank up her nose. Daughter said, "I covered her side of nose and said, 'Blow'.  Out flew a bright pink pebble from the fish tank."  Then there was a pause and what did you used to say about me (she calls me Mommie)".  You used to say, "I wasn't bad I was just busy"?  Right?  I said, "Yes, you were just busy, not bad".

Then I whispered "Payback".  Hee Hee!  (She said, "I heard that mommie.  You weren't talking in your head, I heard that".  And we laughed.

There's a wonderful old, old book called "Mothers and Daughters" by Nancy Friday.  It is wonderful.  I used to recommend it to everyone.  it's probably out of print by now but you could get it somewhere.  It helps explain the mother/daughter relationship, as I see it.

Incidentally, I never lived with my mother.  When I was 3 months old my Dad took me to live with him, my grandmother and my Aunt who was bi-polar (but it didn't have a name in the 50's).  I never blamed my mother.  She, like everyone did the best she could.  

I think that's what GOD expects us to do "The best we can".

[Plaid Pants2]

If both are under 18, it isn't statutory r@pe.

If one is 18 or older, then it is.

Also, a parent may ask their kid, "Honey, are you still a virgin?", but the kid is just going to lie, and tell the parent what they want to hear. 

"Yeah, mom, I am."

[jaxs mom]

It's inappropriate for an adult child to discuss sex with their parent, even if they want to? Really. I'll have to let my daughter know that she shouldn't discuss it with me then.