TIME TO LAUGH

Lindsays Grandma · ‎03-10-2010

1. Concerned that he might have put on a few pounds, my husband exited the bathroom and asked, "Do you think my chin is getting fat?" I smiled lovingly and replied, "Which one?"

2. I would prefer that the sun die forever than apply sunscreen to my children one more time.

3. I was perusing the bookstore when a customer asked an employee where the birding section was. After pointing it out the employee asked, "Is there anything specific you're looking for?" "Yes, said the customer, "My husband."

4. If you put away the clean laundry on the same day that you wash it, I feel that's what you should lead with on your resume.

5. I watched a woman demand that my co-worker give her a haircut. I work at a bookstore.

6. My friend's dad is a professor, travels a lot. Once when returning from a conference in Australia, he spotted a familiar-looking man but didn't know where he knew him from. So he confronted him.

Friend's Dad: You look familiar. Were you at the conference week for international trade law?

Man: Uh, no I wasn't

FD: I definitely know you. Are you in law?

Man: No, I'm not

FD: Well, I must have seen you at a conference somewhere.

Which university are you with?

Man: I don't work at a university.

FD: Well, what's your name?

Man: Matt Damon

6. While I was working at a gas station, a guy asked me for a refund on gas he just pumped because he changed his mind.

7. A party without cake is really just a meeting.

8. When I was younger I had an ego. But it gets in the way.

9. They say every generation is defined by a great struggle. Our kids will never know there was a time you had to choose between being on the Internet or the phone.

10. Our fourth grader celebrated his birthday on crutches, so he couldn't carry the cupcakes into school without help. I asked our sixth grader, Noah, to help his brother carry them in. "I could, he said, but I'd prefer not to." Spotting a teaching moment, my husband asked Noah, "What would God do?" Noah answered, "God would heal him so he could carry his own cupcakes."

I'm not old

I'm a classic

The moving finger writes; And having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line Nor all your Tears Wash out a Word of it. Omar Khayam