I know there are some of you who love your coffee...my daughter came home from TJMaxx with a sign now sitting on her desk:
Just Give Me The
COFFEE
And No One Gets Hurt
1. Being single is lonely. Being in a relationship is stressful. Just talking to people is annoying...You really CAN'T win.
Guy Humor
2. Just remember that all the sxxt someone puts you through, sooner or later finds its way back to them.
Sun Gazinng
3. I hate when people confuse education with intelligence. You can have a degree and still be an idiot.
4. I hate paying my income tax.
You should be a good citizen - why don't you
pay with a smile?
I'd like to but they insist on money.
5. Have you heard about the new after shave that women are crazy about? NO! Tell me about it.
It smells like $50 dollar bills.
6. A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded. "If it weren't for my money, this house woulldn't be here." The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money I wouldn't be here."
7. Money Puns: What do you get if you cross a sorceress with a millionaire? A very witchy woman.
8. Why is money called dough? Because we all knead it.
9. What happened when the cat swallowed a coin?
There was money in the kitty.
10. Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
He wanted cold hard cash.
11. Mother: Why did you just swallow the money I gave you? Son: Well you did say it was my lunch money.
Tight With Money
12. The best way of saving money is to forget who you
borrowed it from.
13. My dad was so tight, as kids we were 8 before we realized the gas meter wasn't our piggy bank.
Time Jokes
14. "I hope you're not one of those boys who sits and watches the school clock," said the principal to the new student. "No sir, I've got a digital watch that bleeps at three-fifteen."
15. Customer: 'I'd like a watch that tells time."
Clerk: "Don't you have a watch that tells time?"
Customer: No, you have to look at it."
16. What are your favorite times to party?
Daytime and nighttime.
17. When do clocks die?
When their time is up.
18. When is the best time to go shopping?
When the stores are open.
Accounting Jokes
19. What is a budget?
An orderly system for living beyond your means.
20. Why accountants don't read novels.
Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.
21. What is the most wishful thing a group of young
accountants can do?
Go into the town and gang-audit someone.
Funny Things About A Drive Through
22. After making your drive through order ask if they
take checks.
23. When asked if they can take your order, tell them you
are just window shopping and drive on.
24. When they ask to take your order, ask them for directions to a place which doesn't exist or a competitors drive throu.
Weather Jokes
25. It only rains twice a year in Seattle: August through April and May through July.
26. Jill: How did you find the weather on your vacation?
Bill: I just went outside and there it was.
27. What is Hail? Hard boiled rain.
28. There's a technical term for a sunny, warm day which follows two rainy days. It's called Monday.
29. Fred: I'm sure I'm right.
Betty: You're as right as rain - all wet!
30. What are the hottest days during summer?
Sun-days.
The Best Is Yet To Come
The moving finger writes; And having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line Nor all your Tears Wash out a Word of it. Omar Khayam
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