Community Chat

[newname0]

For me this is a simple answer.  I would re-gift since she is re-marrying the same man.  Do you have something in your household that you received and did not appreciate.  Give it to her with your regards.

[Yardlie]

@ChynnaBlue ... That's what I was thinking too when I first heard about this!

[12andcounting]

I would definitely not get them another gift. 

[beckyb1012]

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@Brinklii wrote:

@beckyb1012 ... I've seen others who had that big "let down" after all the planning for the ceremony. They are no longer the center of attention. I just read an article about the millenials stating that they very much desire to be the center of attention and have very different expectations about life, work, happiness, etc. than the baby boomers.

I guess we willl give something, but not like the first time around! You are correct...we would give another gift if she were marrying someone else. I hope this isn't a new trend!

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I know what you mean and I am holding my breath right now on a wedding I was involved in this past April which cost just over $60,000.00.  I have known her since she was five and the entire family is married until death do you part for generations.  But still even with all her cousins getting the same hoop la type wedding none have spent that kind of $$.  So far so good.

[KingstonsMom]

I'd follow the parents lead who will not pay for their second reception.....no double dipping on wedding gifts either.

I can't believe they even expect either one.

[Yardlie]

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@Melania wrote:

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@Brinklii wrote:

@lolakimono ... I think we sort of have to attend since my daughter will be one of the attendants at her friend's wedding...plus we see her all the time. We will attend the reception...not the service itself.

I'm still thinking of the best choice, but am still leaning toward just a modest gift card and personal note. I can't believe that she would expect another large gift...especially since her parents refuse to pay for the second reception. However, I know that the millenials have different expectations than people my age do.

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Being a millennial has nothing to do with having no common sense.

She wants the fairy tale which goes way back. Obviously she has ignored the reality around her and how that doesn't always work. Even more so with the same guy who she couldn't stand before. This girl is destined for disaster and this time she'll have little ones to take care of with no regard for them. She is beyond selfish.

I bet she expects her mama to rescue her yet again.

You are right to get her a small something because she is your daughter's best friend. She doesn't deserve it but you are taking the high road. 

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@Melania ... I understand your opinion. Millennials do have common sense, but from what I have read, it is just different than the baby boomers. I have a friend who works in HR. She said they have to make all sorts of adjustments in policies to attract the millenials. Things change, but I guess the world keeps on evolving!

[Suziepeach]

@Yardlie, if this were me I'd feel no obligation to buy another gift.  My husband would feel the same way.  She's your daughter's dear friend, let her buy a gift if she wants but nope I sure wouldn't.

[Yardlie]

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@faeriemoon wrote:

I think you have the right idea.  Smaller gift than the first time.  Given your relationship with her, I don't think you can not give a gift particularly when they have registered for gifts.  It's clearly not a no-gift wedding.

As an aside, given her reasons for re-marrying this guy, I don't think the future of the relationship looks promising.  You may need to buy more wedding gifts for her in the future, so pace yourself.

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@faeriemoon ... You are probably right. Good point!

[Peaches McPhee]

Their "expectations" have nothing to do with it.  

Personally, I would attend the party, as she is a family friend and all, and provide a congratulations card.  No gift.

[Mominohio]

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@Brinklii wrote:

This is almost too weird to believe. Would appreciate your opinions. My daughter's friend (who is now 25) is remarrying the same man she married three years ago. She had a huge wedding then, and we gave a lovely gift since we knew her most of her life.

She and her husband hardly even lived together after their first wedding. They were together about four months, and she was constantly coming home to visit mama...without her husband. Sometimes they would both come home. She would stay with her parents, and he would stay with his parents. Anyway, they were divorced by the time they should have been married 9-10 months.

Now, we received another invitation to her wedding...to the same man! My daughter said that her friend feels that her biological clock is ticking away, and she hasn't met anyone else who she wants to marry. They are having a private ceremony with the justice of the peace. A couple weeks later, they will have a big reception for everyone to attend. Her parents said they refuse to pay for the second reception. He is a nice man, but she just seems desperate.

My daughter said they have registered for gifts at several large department stores. My husband thinks we should not give another gift. I think we should give something modest, but not as large as we gave the first time...if for no other reason than she is my daughter's dear friend. My daughter thinks her friend is making another mistake but thinks we should still give a gift.

What would you do? Thanks!

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Personally, I wouldn't even acknowledge this latest marriage.

People attending events, receptions, showers and gifting events like this are simply encouraging and supporting people who don't have any idea what they want, or are doing desperate things to try and 'find themselves'.

Their family should choose whether or not they wish to support this reunion of their relationship, but I certainly wouldn't attend any function, or send money or gifts. And for them to do this again, is really some desperate cry for attention or help. 

It's time they grow up, because it seems the are about to bring a child into the world, with no regard for it's happiness and security, only their own silly games.