Still a Thorn

Thrive · ‎08-03-2011

Several months back I posted a thread about how my sister-in-law insulted me in front of guest at her birthday party. To back track, I m 5 feet tall and I had on an ankle length maxi skirt with wedge heels. I entered with my husband. When she saw us, she laughed and asked what I had on. My husband just stood there. Since this happened, I have been respectful to her over the phone. However, I have not gone out of my way with her. I would rather keep things this way. My husband is always bringing her up as though nothing has happened. In fact, he asked me to send her birthday wishes which I e-mailed. I have brought up to him in a subtle way that people should not be rude in this way. In fact , she and I have never been close. However, we have always been cordial It wasn't as though my sister was making this comment. I know that my sister would not hurt my feelings in this way. I just can not think of my sister-in-law in the same way. I can not understand how she could not have known this was hurtful. I also can not understand why my husband can not see how I feel. He obviously sides with his sister. Am I wrong about this or am I out of the loop?

BellaPaprika · ‎03-09-2010

This is very passive-aggressive behavior on your sister-in-law's part. The root of it is something only you can perhaps divine. It could be a not so hidden dislike of you for some reason or it could be jealousy. It could be that she imagines a rivalry between the two of you for attention within the family or with your husband (her brother I presume). There are all sorts of smart comebacks to her comment but I think they only make you look as if she got to you. Ignore her and give her a withering look if she does it again. And if I were you I would avoid being in her company as much as possible.

Marienkaefer2 · ‎03-09-2010

ITA with BlueCollarBabe.

Also, I bet you looked pretty cute in the maxi skirt. She's probably envious.

If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need.--Marcus Tullius Cicero

hckynut · ‎03-10-2010

On 6/16/2014 Furry said:
Several months back I posted a thread about how my sister-in-law insulted me in front of guest at her birthday party. To back track, I m 5 feet tall and I had on an ankle length maxi skirt with wedge heels. I entered with my husband. When she saw us, she laughed and asked what I had on. My husband just stood there. Since this happened, I have been respectful to her over the phone. However, I have not gone out of my way with her. I would rather keep things this way. My husband is always bringing her up as though nothing has happened. In fact, he asked me to send her birthday wishes which I e-mailed. I have brought up to him in a subtle way that people should not be rude in this way. In fact , she and I have never been close. However, we have always been cordial It wasn't as though my sister was making this comment. I know that my sister would not hurt my feelings in this way. I just can not think of my sister-in-law in the same way. I can not understand how she could not have known this was hurtful. I also can not understand why my husband can not see how I feel. He obviously sides with his sister. Am I wrong about this or am I out of the loop?

I will reply to this as I feel most males may see this situation. The female gender, I believe anyways, are generally much more offended by certain comments when it comes to their appearance. Be it clothing or something else they are wearing on their body or on their face or lips.

Men generally don't understand the "mars/venus" thing and truly do not get it. If someone commented on what my wife was wearing, including an in-law, and I thought it was something offensive to my wife? She wouldn't have to say something as I would be the one to speak up to my relative about my feelings of what they said to her or about her.

Now if my sisters was to comment on her shoes/jewelry or something of that nature? I am pretty well tuned into my wife after all our years together, and I think I would know if something said was offensive to her. I don't really worry about these things because my family was not raised that way and none of us even come close to making disparaging remarks about or to some relative by marriage, or just people in general.

I really don't think you husband is "siding with his sister" he is thinking like most males that I know that pay little to no attention to some things said from female to female. Now that you have told him that is bothers you I would think he might be more aware of what does and does not set well with you when certain people say certain things to or about you.

Now I don't see a "right or wrong" in this for either you or your husband. I see a "venus/mars" thing and because one sees it differently does not mean either party(you or your husband)are wrong or right when it comes to things of this nature.

hckynut(john)

emmysmom · ‎06-22-2010

On 6/16/2014 hckynut said:
On 6/16/2014 Furry said:
Several months back I posted a thread about how my sister-in-law insulted me in front of guest at her birthday party. To back track, I m 5 feet tall and I had on an ankle length maxi skirt with wedge heels. I entered with my husband. When she saw us, she laughed and asked what I had on. My husband just stood there. Since this happened, I have been respectful to her over the phone. However, I have not gone out of my way with her. I would rather keep things this way. My husband is always bringing her up as though nothing has happened. In fact, he asked me to send her birthday wishes which I e-mailed. I have brought up to him in a subtle way that people should not be rude in this way. In fact , she and I have never been close. However, we have always been cordial It wasn't as though my sister was making this comment. I know that my sister would not hurt my feelings in this way. I just can not think of my sister-in-law in the same way. I can not understand how she could not have known this was hurtful. I also can not understand why my husband can not see how I feel. He obviously sides with his sister. Am I wrong about this or am I out of the loop?

I will reply to this as I feel most males may see this situation. The female gender, I believe anyways, are generally much more offended by certain comments when it comes to their appearance. Be it clothing or something else they are wearing on their body or on their face or lips.

Men generally don't understand the "mars/venus" thing and truly do not get it. If someone commented on what my wife was wearing, including an in-law, and I thought it was something offensive to my wife? She wouldn't have to say something as I would be the one to speak up to my relative about my feelings of what they said to her or about her.

Now if my sisters was to comment on her shoes/jewelry or something of that nature? I am pretty well tuned into my wife after all our years together, and I think I would know if something said was offensive to her. I don't really worry about these things because my family was not raised that way and none of us even come close to making disparaging remarks about or to some relative by marriage, or just people in general.

I really don't think you husband is "siding with his sister" he is thinking like most males that I know that pay little to no attention to some things said from female to female. Now that you have told him that is bothers you I would think he might be more aware of what does and does not set well with you when certain people say certain things to or about you.

Now I don't see a "right or wrong" in this for either you or your husband. I see a "venus/mars" thing and because one sees it differently does not mean either party(you or your husband)are wrong or right when it comes to things of this nature.

Your wife is blessed to have you for her husband!

Don't cry for a man who's left you--the next one may fall for your smile.
-- Mae West

Kachina624 · ‎03-10-2010

I think you should consider the source and not let one thoughtless comment determine the course of your relationship with your husband's family. If another incident occurs, I'd sit down with her and have a little chat.

New Mexico☀️Land Of Enchantment

violann · ‎03-10-2010

I'm sorry, but I've read every word of the original post twice and still can't find the insult. Were you offended because she said "What are you wearing?" Or because you thought she was laughing at you? I had the good fortune to be raised by a beautiful mother and her four beautiful sisters, and since I was physically quite unattractive I learned early not to waste my energies on their opinions. I still loved every one of them dearly though, because I just never bothered to assume the defensive when they would question my choices, so they ultimately realized that criticizing my look wasn't worth their time. Worked for me.

Thrive · ‎08-03-2011

She laughed at me in front of her guest and my husband and looked down at my skirt and negatively asked me what I was wearing. Thank you for your reply.

Remee · ‎11-12-2013

Take the high road. Ignore it, and be nice but not overly friendly with her. She made the mistake, and a big one. Be the better person, forget it. Consider the source, and move on with your life. Who made her the fashion police anyway? I'm your height, and I KNOW you looked chic !! (If you want to be a little devilish, wear the same skirt the next several times you are around her, repeatedly. She'll get the message, but then, that's not taking the high road, is it ? ) ${#emotions_dlg.devil2}$

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

You say you have brought it up to your husband in a subtle way. I've found it's better to avoid subtle when dealing with men. Most men need, prefer, to have things spelled out for them.

What she did was inexcusable. I would tell my husband that until his sister apologized to me, I would have nothing more to do with her. I don't believe in giving rude people a pass.