Stepson Won't Let Me Visit DH - Page 10

Jussa · ‎01-11-2014

(Thank you violann)

Update: I finally reached my stepson on the phone. He explained to me at length why I can't visit yet and I sort of understand.

His sister and her daughter came for a visit. The child is young. My DH lashed out and threw something at the child. My stepson said his biggest concern is that he cannot risk losing the help he has hired for his father because they are afraid of his father's behavior and what he might do. He needs to keep his father calm which is why there can't be any more visitors until he gets his father's behavior under control. He has contacted his doctor to discuss adjusting or changing his father's meds to address the mood changes.

My stepson also explained everything he is doing to care for his father, all the adjustments he has made and is making to the apartment to accommodate his father's needs and this made me feel much better that DH is being taken care of.

My stepson said he may need my help at some point which was also encouraging to me that his intention is not to shut me out. He also said I could meet them at the next doctor's appointment.

This is progress and I am hopeful. Thank you all for listening and sharing.

Mom2Dogs · ‎03-09-2010

I am glad you spoke with your stepson and got some questions answered...and hopefully you you are feeling better. about the situation....I sounds like your step son is doing a good job with his dad.

Jussa · ‎01-11-2014

On 1/19/2014 momtodogs said:
I am glad you spoke with your stepson and got some questions answered...and hopefully you you are feeling better. about the situation....I sounds like your step son is doing a good job with his dad.

Although I am feeling relieved about some of my concerns, I still miss DH terribly. My heart is aching more than I can express. The term "soul mate" is so cliche, but he truly is my soul mate. We have been best friends for so many years and I feel like a piece of my heart has been torn out of me. I just can't wait to see him.

ROMARY · ‎04-28-2010

It certainly is one step in the right direction. The best of luck to you, your DH, and all concerned

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).

DCAnnie2004 · ‎03-15-2010

Jussa, my thoughts and prayers to you. I'm just going to offer a thought. Remember to be gracious to your stepchildren. They too are going through a difficult time; seeing a parent so changed and helpless is incredibly difficult. You can all try to be supports to each other.

Jussa · ‎01-11-2014

On 1/20/2014 dc2004 said: Jussa, my thoughts and prayers to you. I'm just going to offer a thought. Remember to be gracious to your stepchildren. They too are going through a difficult time; seeing a parent so changed and helpless is incredibly difficult. You can all try to be supports to each other.

dc2004, this would have been what I would have hoped for, to try to support each other through this difficult time. I've already said his children are selfish and greedy. They are most concerned with their own lives and as grown adults, have always had their hands out for money from DH.

During the more than one year I was caregiver, the son visited once and the daughter maybe 3 times. Disgraceful is all I can say.

How does the son not tell me he has discharged his father? These past 10 days, how does a son not answer my numerous phone calls and voice mails? How does he not have the compassion to see that I am suffering without knowing what's going on? Overwhelmed or not, he is the most insensitive pig I have ever met.

The only reason I have been gracious to them was for my DH's benefit and for myself, so they won't shut me out. Otherwise, I would spit in their faces. Sorry to be so harsh, but it's the truth.

ETA: Thank you for your prayers!

pinkskates4 · ‎03-10-2010

On 1/19/2014 Jussa said:
(Thank you violann)

Update: I finally reached my stepson on the phone. He explained to me at length why I can't visit yet and I sort of understand.

His sister and her daughter came for a visit. The child is young. My DH lashed out and threw something at the child. My stepson said his biggest concern is that he cannot risk losing the help he has hired for his father because they are afraid of his father's behavior and what he might do. He needs to keep his father calm which is why there can't be any more visitors until he gets his father's behavior under control. He has contacted his doctor to discuss adjusting or changing his father's meds to address the mood changes.

My stepson also explained everything he is doing to care for his father, all the adjustments he has made and is making to the apartment to accommodate his father's needs and this made me feel much better that DH is being taken care of.

My stepson said he may need my help at some point which was also encouraging to me that his intention is not to shut me out. He also said I could meet them at the next doctor's appointment.

This is progress and I am hopeful. Thank you all for listening and sharing.

I'm glad you and your stepson are talking. It sounds like things may be resolving.

Blessings to all of you in this difficult situation.

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

Obviously, there's a history that you aren't telling. If you really are his legal wife, see a lawyer. I suspect that you've been battling with his kids for a long time now they are getting even. Perhaps the can make better decisions about their fathers care. But I doubt that they can keep him from you. See a lawyer. The money is a totally different matter.

Jussa · ‎01-11-2014

On 1/20/2014 chrystaltree said:
Obviously, there's a history that you aren't telling. If you really are his legal wife, see a lawyer. I suspect that you've been battling with his kids for a long time now they are getting even. Perhaps the can make better decisions about their fathers care. But I doubt that they can keep him from you. See a lawyer. The money is a totally different matter.

chystaltree, there is no history. That's the sad thing. There's no history because his children have shown little interest in their father over the years, especially since he has been ill.

I posted earlier that I have consulted with an attorney and of course I have rights as his wife, but at this stage of the game, I would still have to go to court and I simply do not have the stamina. Also, if I were to go to court, that would certainly irreparably damage any civil relationship that I have with his children. I do not want strife in my life. I've had enough.

Since I have finally been able to make contact with his son and have received a somewhat plausible explanation for his not wanting me to visit, I will have to continue biding my time. As I posted, he did express his desire for my involvement at some point. I have to sit tight a while longer and see what transpires.